["To be peaceful is to be soft-hearted, isn't it?"]
[Hansa doesn't know if that rings true or not. He's seen plenty of people who have been sweet, or kind, and yet aren't soft at all. They're peaceful, but they hold the power to hold a weapon in their hands at any moment, ready to strike. Speak softly, and carry a big stick, wasn't it?]
[But...this is about Soo-won. And this king, who he can't remember ever loving him, who he eventually killed, murdered, and yet is now left with this empty hollow one-sided feeling. And though Hansa has never been in a situation like this, the disconcerted, uncomfortable feelings that come from him are not about Soo-won, but about this in general, about how the man can be allowed to be left like this, with memories like a husk.]
...You are, but...I don't mind. [He says, the sincerity behind his words is plain.] First of all, you're not unpleasant. You're charming, for sure. And I think its like looking into the sun, a little. People are scared to look at you too long.
[A beat.]
And about the king...you're going to make yourself suffer, trying to hold all this sand in your hands. Memories are fallible. This place has shown it too well. You have to trust in your feelings and go from there.
[Because that might be all they have left, in the end.]
[ . . . . there's still a lingering of doubt - the wonder if he truly can be considered charming more than unpleasant. he's not unaware of the way that people react to him, how they trust him and follow him so easily, but hansa might feel the way that this expectation comes with a stopping point.
with the belief that inevitably, they will find a reason to no longer adore him so.
but it is not a feeling laced with fear - but rather understanding. the knowledge that comes with committing harm in the world, and knowing that karma and consequences come with it. no matter how he might still feel saddened.]
.... I do. I imagine that he was a good man, even given what I had to do. I wish only that I understood better what type of person that he was, and why he wouldn't step down when I asked him to.
[but he'll move to shut the cabinets finally, and turn to hansa:]
... I ask that you make no mention of this to Yona. I believe this is a memory that she had taken from her the same time it was taken from me, which is why our relationship is like it is now.
[and there's a burst of fondness there, unrepentant and unwavering. he loves her dearly, but with this statement comes a feeling of aching - like it's a love that he knows he shouldn't get to partake in because after all - ]
The last king was her father. So the knowledge will only cause her distress, given that she's unable to recall it. She'll hold me in contempt later, but it's nothing I don't expect.
[That sudden realization flickers like a candle flaring to life over the connection. Yona...Yona mentioned that to him earlier, didn't she?]
[...I can't remember who killed my father. .]
You've really got yourself in a pickle now, huh, Won? [But its not meant as a jab, though there's a feeling of exasperation, like "of course it would work out like this".] But of course. I won't breathe a word of it to her.
[And with that said, he'll turn his attention completely back to Soo-won.]
...You know, its a little funny. I guess this is like your makeshift confessional with a priest like me.
[there's - a sense of relief, admittedly, when hansa says that he won't tell yona. more than that, there's a budding feeling of trust. that soo-won can truly rely on hansa even based purely on his word.
he hasn't betrayed him thus far, after all.
at the note of a confessional, soo-won can't help but manage a bit of distant amusement. it almost feels like gallows humor. wonder why!]
I did tell Shiro that if he ever expected me to confess all my sins, we'd be standing in the same place for quite a while.
[though he'll lean back against the countertop of the first aid station]
Are you going to cast judgment on me, Hansa?
[a little funny how it almost sounds like it'd be fun if you tried.]
[A ripple of amusement, but there's surprisingly nothing negative from that. Just an acknowledgement.]
And judgement? [A pause...and his mouth turns up into a wide cut of a smirk. There's a glint of something over the connection- like seeing a man in the dark corner of a bar, showing he has a blade hidden at his belt. Possible danger. Threatening potential.] Do you want judgement? You have to remember, you're asking someone who's not a very typical priest. My form of judgement doesn't end very well for people on the other end of it.
[and yet, even with the acknowledgement of danger through the emotionshare - there's nothing resembling fear from soo-won. for all that he makes play of his own fragility, he carries himself like someone who expects that his life could be over at any moment.
but also someone who would fight for it to the very end regardless.]
I'm someone that the gods have long since forsaken in my own country - but it doesn't change that I'm interested in what you think.
[that no matter what comes of it, he's interested in what hansa has to say.]
How very considerate of you. You're better than most, in positions of royalty.
[The blade is sheathed, and put away. It wasn't really going to be serious - it seems Hansa has no need or want to put Soo-won down for his many sins. Even though its his job...he judges based on what he sees, here and now.]
I think what's so refreshing about you is that, for once, I'm talking to someone like you who isn't letting power get to their head.
[And those words come with frank appreciation. Its earned his respect.]
what soo-won feels isn't anything quite like relief - for some reason he's very confident that even if hansa did decide that he'd done something wrong, they'd work through it - but the words inspire a bit of affection from him. fondness.
he really does like hansa.]
... well I wasn't lying - when I said that I have no desire to sit upon the throne. It was simply the best place in which I could enact plans to reach my goals.
[there's no greediness for the crown or power, there's only the sense of wanting to help others.]
[The fondness is met with some surprise, before it simmers down, allowing some fondness of his own to come to the forefront.]
...Eh, I'm just saying what I feel.
[Hansa, reminding himself that all of these emotions are out in the open, feels something that's not quite embarrassment, but something similar - its like being caught in the open and realizing you wore two different shoes to work. This oversharing of emotions...]
Ha. And I guess since we're just feeling what each other is feeling, I really don't have to elaborate.
Oh? I don't think that you're that hard to understand.
[he likes hansa!!! and for all his intricacies, there's yet to be anything that soo-won doesn't like? though at the mention of sharing - there's... an odd analytical note, as if he's reviewing the last few moments before admitting]
.... in truth, I think - there might be something wrong with me. [and even then there's this odd feeling that - normally he wouldn't be sharing this? he glances briefly to the assortment of medicinal items on the counter] It's less a matter of trust, but in truth, I don't particularly care to talk about myself given what I've done in my life and how I know it can frighten people, or weigh them down.
[it's heavy and soo-won doesn't deny that - but it's a weight he's used to carrying. something he expects, and he doesn't like to share because other people don't need to know and yet.]
But... even though I think it's odd, it seems like I can't stop myself from telling you.
[the flicker of concern is met with confusion - if only because even now soo-won thinks he can handle this. he's steadfast and even though he's uncertain about his own behavior, it comes with a light note of
something closer to exasperation]
.... we'll see. Depending on how long it lasts. It's already been a few hours.
Goat suggested that it's not entirely impossible that I could be feeling this way because of a Leader's power - or if our fellow participants may have powers of their own that can affect people.
It's less whatever comes to mind but... talking about myself.
[there's a chance he wouldn't have offered all that information up to hansa if he wasn't ENCHANTED TO DO IT]
What? But everyone has their powers taken away...unless you're thinking some actually have some that were given to them by our supposed masked traitor?
[Hmm. That's bad. Concern, frustration flicker over again, and he frowns.]
...So I guess you being so open wasn't because you were feeling like you had the urge to confess your sins to a holy man like me. [A huff.] I guess you need to be real careful of what you say to others, now.
Goat told me that it's not an impossibility, unfortunately - but I also don't have anything to particularly support it either. It's only something that exists within the realm of possibility.
I'd like to inquire about each leader's individual powers to see if we can get a lead on that first.
[since that'd be easier to account for than ~mystery powers~
though - at the mention of confessing his sins soo-won just manages a bit of a laugh at that]
I'll watch myself - but it's probably just because people feel as though I keep too much to myself to begin with. That's less a matter of trust, though. It's just practical.
[and that he seems to mean sincerely - because there is an awareness of his own life, and his difficulties. they're hard to hold onto, they're hard to accept. admitting them freely would only cause concern that he considers unhelpful]
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["To be peaceful is to be soft-hearted, isn't it?"]
[Hansa doesn't know if that rings true or not. He's seen plenty of people who have been sweet, or kind, and yet aren't soft at all. They're peaceful, but they hold the power to hold a weapon in their hands at any moment, ready to strike. Speak softly, and carry a big stick, wasn't it?]
[But...this is about Soo-won. And this king, who he can't remember ever loving him, who he eventually killed, murdered, and yet is now left with this empty hollow one-sided feeling. And though Hansa has never been in a situation like this, the disconcerted, uncomfortable feelings that come from him are not about Soo-won, but about this in general, about how the man can be allowed to be left like this, with memories like a husk.]
...You are, but...I don't mind. [He says, the sincerity behind his words is plain.] First of all, you're not unpleasant. You're charming, for sure. And I think its like looking into the sun, a little. People are scared to look at you too long.
[A beat.]
And about the king...you're going to make yourself suffer, trying to hold all this sand in your hands. Memories are fallible. This place has shown it too well. You have to trust in your feelings and go from there.
[Because that might be all they have left, in the end.]
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with the belief that inevitably, they will find a reason to no longer adore him so.
but it is not a feeling laced with fear - but rather understanding. the knowledge that comes with committing harm in the world, and knowing that karma and consequences come with it. no matter how he might still feel saddened.]
.... I do. I imagine that he was a good man, even given what I had to do. I wish only that I understood better what type of person that he was, and why he wouldn't step down when I asked him to.
[but he'll move to shut the cabinets finally, and turn to hansa:]
... I ask that you make no mention of this to Yona. I believe this is a memory that she had taken from her the same time it was taken from me, which is why our relationship is like it is now.
[and there's a burst of fondness there, unrepentant and unwavering. he loves her dearly, but with this statement comes a feeling of aching - like it's a love that he knows he shouldn't get to partake in because after all - ]
The last king was her father. So the knowledge will only cause her distress, given that she's unable to recall it. She'll hold me in contempt later, but it's nothing I don't expect.
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[That sudden realization flickers like a candle flaring to life over the connection. Yona...Yona mentioned that to him earlier, didn't she?]
[...I can't remember who killed my father. .]
You've really got yourself in a pickle now, huh, Won? [But its not meant as a jab, though there's a feeling of exasperation, like "of course it would work out like this".] But of course. I won't breathe a word of it to her.
[And with that said, he'll turn his attention completely back to Soo-won.]
...You know, its a little funny. I guess this is like your makeshift confessional with a priest like me.
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he hasn't betrayed him thus far, after all.
at the note of a confessional, soo-won can't help but manage a bit of distant amusement. it almost feels like gallows humor. wonder why!]
I did tell Shiro that if he ever expected me to confess all my sins, we'd be standing in the same place for quite a while.
[though he'll lean back against the countertop of the first aid station]
Are you going to cast judgment on me, Hansa?
[a little funny how it almost sounds like it'd be fun if you tried.]
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[A ripple of amusement, but there's surprisingly nothing negative from that. Just an acknowledgement.]
And judgement? [A pause...and his mouth turns up into a wide cut of a smirk. There's a glint of something over the connection- like seeing a man in the dark corner of a bar, showing he has a blade hidden at his belt. Possible danger. Threatening potential.] Do you want judgement? You have to remember, you're asking someone who's not a very typical priest. My form of judgement doesn't end very well for people on the other end of it.
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[and yet, even with the acknowledgement of danger through the emotionshare - there's nothing resembling fear from soo-won. for all that he makes play of his own fragility, he carries himself like someone who expects that his life could be over at any moment.
but also someone who would fight for it to the very end regardless.]
I'm someone that the gods have long since forsaken in my own country - but it doesn't change that I'm interested in what you think.
[that no matter what comes of it, he's interested in what hansa has to say.]
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[The blade is sheathed, and put away. It wasn't really going to be serious - it seems Hansa has no need or want to put Soo-won down for his many sins. Even though its his job...he judges based on what he sees, here and now.]
I think what's so refreshing about you is that, for once, I'm talking to someone like you who isn't letting power get to their head.
[And those words come with frank appreciation. Its earned his respect.]
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what soo-won feels isn't anything quite like relief - for some reason he's very confident that even if hansa did decide that he'd done something wrong, they'd work through it - but the words inspire a bit of affection from him. fondness.
he really does like hansa.]
... well I wasn't lying - when I said that I have no desire to sit upon the throne. It was simply the best place in which I could enact plans to reach my goals.
[there's no greediness for the crown or power, there's only the sense of wanting to help others.]
But I do appreciate you saying that. Thank you.
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...Eh, I'm just saying what I feel.
[Hansa, reminding himself that all of these emotions are out in the open, feels something that's not quite embarrassment, but something similar - its like being caught in the open and realizing you wore two different shoes to work. This oversharing of emotions...]
Ha. And I guess since we're just feeling what each other is feeling, I really don't have to elaborate.
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It's a bit odd, isn't it? Though I can't say that I dislike it. Even still, I'm sorry for any discomfort I might cause.
[hansa lowkey threatened him emotionally and yet soo-won's like 'sometimes i get unbearably sad i'm sorry you might have to feel it']
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[The laugh makes him stare at Soo-won for a moment, amused with that hint of fondness again, before he just shakes his head.]
Anyways...thanks for sharing that all with me. I can tell it was weighing you down.
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[he likes hansa!!! and for all his intricacies, there's yet to be anything that soo-won doesn't like? though at the mention of sharing - there's... an odd analytical note, as if he's reviewing the last few moments before admitting]
.... in truth, I think - there might be something wrong with me. [and even then there's this odd feeling that - normally he wouldn't be sharing this? he glances briefly to the assortment of medicinal items on the counter] It's less a matter of trust, but in truth, I don't particularly care to talk about myself given what I've done in my life and how I know it can frighten people, or weigh them down.
[it's heavy and soo-won doesn't deny that - but it's a weight he's used to carrying. something he expects, and he doesn't like to share because other people don't need to know and yet.]
But... even though I think it's odd, it seems like I can't stop myself from telling you.
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[Now curiosity rises, and he's looking at Soo-won, eyebrows furrowed. A flicker of concern can be felt over the connection.]
You don't think someone might have done this to you? Like with those stones. Made you more...willing to say whatever you're thinking about.
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something closer to exasperation]
.... we'll see. Depending on how long it lasts. It's already been a few hours.
Goat suggested that it's not entirely impossible that I could be feeling this way because of a Leader's power - or if our fellow participants may have powers of their own that can affect people.
It's less whatever comes to mind but... talking about myself.
[there's a chance he wouldn't have offered all that information up to hansa if he wasn't ENCHANTED TO DO IT]
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[Hmm. That's bad. Concern, frustration flicker over again, and he frowns.]
...So I guess you being so open wasn't because you were feeling like you had the urge to confess your sins to a holy man like me. [A huff.] I guess you need to be real careful of what you say to others, now.
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I'd like to inquire about each leader's individual powers to see if we can get a lead on that first.
[since that'd be easier to account for than ~mystery powers~
though - at the mention of confessing his sins soo-won just manages a bit of a laugh at that]
I'll watch myself - but it's probably just because people feel as though I keep too much to myself to begin with. That's less a matter of trust, though. It's just practical.
[and that he seems to mean sincerely - because there is an awareness of his own life, and his difficulties. they're hard to hold onto, they're hard to accept. admitting them freely would only cause concern that he considers unhelpful]