to both hak living his best life and also to soo-won drowning, because the moment that hand sticks out from the river hak is running into the water, regardless of the toll it might take on him. long-ass robes really are dogshit for trying to move quickly in but he's wading his way over regardless, grabbing onto soo-won's hand with one hand and wrapping his other around soo-won's waist to help him stand and then steady him. ]
[ LET HAK LIVE HIS BEST LIFE!!! but okay—soo-won didn't expect to receive any type of contact on the other side whatsoever. he startles when his hand is grabbed and he's steadied, but he ultimately accepts the gestures. he'll relax just a bit. in the end, he's rather focused on one thing: ]
[ thinks about how hien is dead and tears up. but hak doesn't know this so it's okay. well it's not okay because he's pissed at this order of priorities. soo-won relaxes and hak's grip only tightens. ]
Why are you worried about that when you're the one who died?
[ oh hak your crashout. soo-won startles a bit, blinking. there is still some thrum of anxiety running through him because he doesn't have an answer on how hien is or how he's doing but...
in the face of hak's emotions, what can he do but be a bit more honest? ]
... I've... had time to consider that already. [ his death. he's had a long time to consider it, actually. ] I'm sure he didn't mean to and I'm not hurt anymore.
[ so it's okay.
says the guy who doesn't know that literally only his head was left behind like some traumatic horror show ]
[ IT'S NOT OKAY AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH SOO-WON REALLY GOT EATEN WITH ONLY HIS HEAD LEFT BEHIND LIKE IN SOME HORROR MOVIE AND NOW HE'S ASKING ABOUT ANOTHER MAN
crashout intensifies ]
Even if he didn't mean it, that doesn't change that it happened. That he just—ate you like you were nothing and all that was left was your—
[ his voice is shaking. his hands are shaking. how long is it going to be until he can look at hien and not see him snapping soo-won in two? even now if he closes his eyes for just a second it's all he sees, that gaping maw closing in and making 90% of soo-won just—disappear. ]
[ there is some fundamental part of this that soo-won will have trouble processing. even when he was last in the river, he was far more shaken up about hak's death than his own. his own is inevitable. is it tragic that it was at the hands (teeth?) of a friend who wouldn't have harmed him otherwise? yes. but better him than anyone else.
... it's just hard to see someone else so rattled about something that he thinks is coming for him no matter what. he'll shift their positioning, taking the hand of hak's that he's holding onto, and bring it up to his chest, over his own heart. it's beating. maybe just a little fast, given that he almost drowned again upon revival, but beating. ]
... I'm here. It happened, and I'll deal with that. [ he doesn't enjoy the feeling that it's even harder from him to leave the maze now, but. ] But I'm right here.
[ death is inevitable. hak isn't stupid enough to think otherwise. but there's a difference between watching someone die of old age or from an arrow in the middle of a battlefield and watching your very best friend, someone who is and always will be deeply important to you, be ripped in half by someone you trusted and respected.
it feels like another betrayal all over again when he still hasn't finished processing the first.
he breathes in and out, and then in and out again, a process made easier by the beat of soo-won's heart underneath the palm of his hand. ]
...I don't know what happened. To Hien. There were people fighting him but I—I had to make sure you were okay.
soo-won is perhaps too calm after dying, but that's to be expected when you really are passively suicidal and think death is the only penance for all that you've done. yet even this punishment is not permanent. but his free hand will come up to brush aside hak's bangs, soo-won's gaze trying to study the details of his face as if he's looking for something. ]
... I'm alright. Please don't worry. I've... lost something, as everyone does, but... they'll come back.
[ calm enough that his hands aren't shaking anymore but not calm enough to pull away. if anything, now that the crazy amounts of adrenaline are starting to wear off he feels exhausted enough to let his head drop down onto soo-won's shoulder.
it doesn't matter that his price for getting dunked in the river last week has been fully paid and he remembers everything now. there are some things no amount of truth can shake. ]
....Too late. [ he's always going to worry. but they can move on. ] Does it hurt anywhere?
[ he really keeps being surprised. there's a moment where he stiffens, only ever so slightly, when hak drops his head on his shoulder but... he relaxes a moment after. his hand will curl around to the back of his head, attempting to be consoling ]
... no. Not right now. [ gently
even if there's the whisper of a stray thought that he'd been trying to tamp down on: "Who are you to me?" ]
[ bursts into tears my brain is too small to deal with all of this
if they weren't as close, if soo-won hadn't just died, if (insert any number of things i can't be bothered to type out right now) maybe hak wouldn't have noticed. but he's so on edge right now, so fearful that if he lets go or looks away or even blinks soo-won might vanish before his very eyes again. of course he hears that thought, quiet though it is.
of course he freezes when he hears it, eyes widening and his whole body going still. he'd forgotten her highness, after all. it only makes sense that soo-won would have eventually forgotten him. there's no denying it hurts and yet............
he breathes in and out again, then lifts his head. ]
If it hurts later, tell me. I'll get you whatever you need.
[ glances down at their SOPPING WET FIGURES yet again. ]
[ soo-won really is so casual about his death all the time and it makes hak bsod so insanely in his place, and this is basically that but. worse.
soo-won can tell that his thought was heard when hak freezes up, and there's immediately a heavy, guilty feeling in his chest. he's so skilled as misdirection and lying that he felt that he was doing pretty good—was trying to see just how far he could go in pretending that nothing was wrong at all so he wouldn't have to hurt this person who was so clearly worried about him.
hak lifts his head, and soo-won's fingers curl into the front of his shirt almost automatically—he doesn't know him, but he also doesn't want him to go too far
they really should dry off because they've wandered into the river together AGAIN but ]
but. well. it's fine. it's fine. (it's not fine.) if the price for soo-won to remain (physically) whole and alive in front of him is to forget who hak is, then it's a price he'll put up with. and maybe...
maybe it's better this way. maybe this way soo-won won't feel so beholden to abiding by hak's own unreasonable and childish demands. regardless: ]
[ hak the only thing that you've demanded of him is that he stays alive so please consider where he'll be if he forgets that for longer than a few days ]
If it upsets you, it isn't better.
[ maybe he should think more on it because he doesn't actually know anything about hak. but the context he has is simple: this person is important to him, this person is unhappy, and therefore soo-won would struggle to accept that. (the core of him is such a gentle person) ]
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to both hak living his best life and also to soo-won drowning, because the moment that hand sticks out from the river hak is running into the water, regardless of the toll it might take on him. long-ass robes really are dogshit for trying to move quickly in but he's wading his way over regardless, grabbing onto soo-won's hand with one hand and wrapping his other around soo-won's waist to help him stand and then steady him. ]
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Hien—is he...?
[ HIS FRIEND ]
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Why are you worried about that when you're the one who died?
[ he is so close to bsod-ing yet again ]
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in the face of hak's emotions, what can he do but be a bit more honest? ]
... I've... had time to consider that already. [ his death. he's had a long time to consider it, actually. ] I'm sure he didn't mean to and I'm not hurt anymore.
[ so it's okay.
says the guy who doesn't know that literally only his head was left behind like some traumatic horror show ]
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crashout intensifies ]
Even if he didn't mean it, that doesn't change that it happened. That he just—ate you like you were nothing and all that was left was your—
[ his voice is shaking. his hands are shaking. how long is it going to be until he can look at hien and not see him snapping soo-won in two? even now if he closes his eyes for just a second it's all he sees, that gaping maw closing in and making 90% of soo-won just—disappear. ]
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... it's just hard to see someone else so rattled about something that he thinks is coming for him no matter what. he'll shift their positioning, taking the hand of hak's that he's holding onto, and bring it up to his chest, over his own heart. it's beating. maybe just a little fast, given that he almost drowned again upon revival, but beating. ]
... I'm here. It happened, and I'll deal with that. [ he doesn't enjoy the feeling that it's even harder from him to leave the maze now, but. ] But I'm right here.
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it feels like another betrayal all over again when he still hasn't finished processing the first.
he breathes in and out, and then in and out again, a process made easier by the beat of soo-won's heart underneath the palm of his hand. ]
...I don't know what happened. To Hien. There were people fighting him but I—I had to make sure you were okay.
[ as okay as anyone can be after dying ]
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soo-won is perhaps too calm after dying, but that's to be expected when you really are passively suicidal and think death is the only penance for all that you've done. yet even this punishment is not permanent. but his free hand will come up to brush aside hak's bangs, soo-won's gaze trying to study the details of his face as if he's looking for something. ]
... I'm alright. Please don't worry. I've... lost something, as everyone does, but... they'll come back.
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it doesn't matter that his price for getting dunked in the river last week has been fully paid and he remembers everything now. there are some things no amount of truth can shake. ]
....Too late. [ he's always going to worry. but they can move on. ] Does it hurt anywhere?
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... no. Not right now. [ gently
even if there's the whisper of a stray thought that he'd been trying to tamp down on: "Who are you to me?" ]
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if they weren't as close, if soo-won hadn't just died, if (insert any number of things i can't be bothered to type out right now) maybe hak wouldn't have noticed. but he's so on edge right now, so fearful that if he lets go or looks away or even blinks soo-won might vanish before his very eyes again. of course he hears that thought, quiet though it is.
of course he freezes when he hears it, eyes widening and his whole body going still. he'd forgotten her highness, after all. it only makes sense that soo-won would have eventually forgotten him. there's no denying it hurts and yet............
he breathes in and out again, then lifts his head. ]
If it hurts later, tell me. I'll get you whatever you need.
[ glances down at their SOPPING WET FIGURES yet again. ]
You should dry off first though.
[ and so everyone else can swarm him. ]
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soo-won can tell that his thought was heard when hak freezes up, and there's immediately a heavy, guilty feeling in his chest. he's so skilled as misdirection and lying that he felt that he was doing pretty good—was trying to see just how far he could go in pretending that nothing was wrong at all so he wouldn't have to hurt this person who was so clearly worried about him.
hak lifts his head, and soo-won's fingers curl into the front of his shirt almost automatically—he doesn't know him, but he also doesn't want him to go too far
they really should dry off because they've wandered into the river together AGAIN but ]
... I'm sorry. For forgetting.
[ he can tell it's painful. ]
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homosexuals....but. well. it's fine. it's fine. (it's not fine.) if the price for soo-won to remain (physically) whole and alive in front of him is to forget who hak is, then it's a price he'll put up with. and maybe...
maybe it's better this way. maybe this way soo-won won't feel so beholden to abiding by hak's own unreasonable and childish demands. regardless: ]
It'll come back. So don't worry about it.
[ easier said than done though ]
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If it upsets you, it isn't better.
[ maybe he should think more on it because he doesn't actually know anything about hak. but the context he has is simple: this person is important to him, this person is unhappy, and therefore soo-won would struggle to accept that. (the core of him is such a gentle person) ]
... I'll make sure it comes back.