[ calm enough that his hands aren't shaking anymore but not calm enough to pull away. if anything, now that the crazy amounts of adrenaline are starting to wear off he feels exhausted enough to let his head drop down onto soo-won's shoulder.
it doesn't matter that his price for getting dunked in the river last week has been fully paid and he remembers everything now. there are some things no amount of truth can shake. ]
....Too late. [ he's always going to worry. but they can move on. ] Does it hurt anywhere?
[ he really keeps being surprised. there's a moment where he stiffens, only ever so slightly, when hak drops his head on his shoulder but... he relaxes a moment after. his hand will curl around to the back of his head, attempting to be consoling ]
... no. Not right now. [ gently
even if there's the whisper of a stray thought that he'd been trying to tamp down on: "Who are you to me?" ]
[ bursts into tears my brain is too small to deal with all of this
if they weren't as close, if soo-won hadn't just died, if (insert any number of things i can't be bothered to type out right now) maybe hak wouldn't have noticed. but he's so on edge right now, so fearful that if he lets go or looks away or even blinks soo-won might vanish before his very eyes again. of course he hears that thought, quiet though it is.
of course he freezes when he hears it, eyes widening and his whole body going still. he'd forgotten her highness, after all. it only makes sense that soo-won would have eventually forgotten him. there's no denying it hurts and yet............
he breathes in and out again, then lifts his head. ]
If it hurts later, tell me. I'll get you whatever you need.
[ glances down at their SOPPING WET FIGURES yet again. ]
[ soo-won really is so casual about his death all the time and it makes hak bsod so insanely in his place, and this is basically that but. worse.
soo-won can tell that his thought was heard when hak freezes up, and there's immediately a heavy, guilty feeling in his chest. he's so skilled as misdirection and lying that he felt that he was doing pretty good—was trying to see just how far he could go in pretending that nothing was wrong at all so he wouldn't have to hurt this person who was so clearly worried about him.
hak lifts his head, and soo-won's fingers curl into the front of his shirt almost automatically—he doesn't know him, but he also doesn't want him to go too far
they really should dry off because they've wandered into the river together AGAIN but ]
but. well. it's fine. it's fine. (it's not fine.) if the price for soo-won to remain (physically) whole and alive in front of him is to forget who hak is, then it's a price he'll put up with. and maybe...
maybe it's better this way. maybe this way soo-won won't feel so beholden to abiding by hak's own unreasonable and childish demands. regardless: ]
[ hak the only thing that you've demanded of him is that he stays alive so please consider where he'll be if he forgets that for longer than a few days ]
If it upsets you, it isn't better.
[ maybe he should think more on it because he doesn't actually know anything about hak. but the context he has is simple: this person is important to him, this person is unhappy, and therefore soo-won would struggle to accept that. (the core of him is such a gentle person) ]
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it doesn't matter that his price for getting dunked in the river last week has been fully paid and he remembers everything now. there are some things no amount of truth can shake. ]
....Too late. [ he's always going to worry. but they can move on. ] Does it hurt anywhere?
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... no. Not right now. [ gently
even if there's the whisper of a stray thought that he'd been trying to tamp down on: "Who are you to me?" ]
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if they weren't as close, if soo-won hadn't just died, if (insert any number of things i can't be bothered to type out right now) maybe hak wouldn't have noticed. but he's so on edge right now, so fearful that if he lets go or looks away or even blinks soo-won might vanish before his very eyes again. of course he hears that thought, quiet though it is.
of course he freezes when he hears it, eyes widening and his whole body going still. he'd forgotten her highness, after all. it only makes sense that soo-won would have eventually forgotten him. there's no denying it hurts and yet............
he breathes in and out again, then lifts his head. ]
If it hurts later, tell me. I'll get you whatever you need.
[ glances down at their SOPPING WET FIGURES yet again. ]
You should dry off first though.
[ and so everyone else can swarm him. ]
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soo-won can tell that his thought was heard when hak freezes up, and there's immediately a heavy, guilty feeling in his chest. he's so skilled as misdirection and lying that he felt that he was doing pretty good—was trying to see just how far he could go in pretending that nothing was wrong at all so he wouldn't have to hurt this person who was so clearly worried about him.
hak lifts his head, and soo-won's fingers curl into the front of his shirt almost automatically—he doesn't know him, but he also doesn't want him to go too far
they really should dry off because they've wandered into the river together AGAIN but ]
... I'm sorry. For forgetting.
[ he can tell it's painful. ]
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homosexuals....but. well. it's fine. it's fine. (it's not fine.) if the price for soo-won to remain (physically) whole and alive in front of him is to forget who hak is, then it's a price he'll put up with. and maybe...
maybe it's better this way. maybe this way soo-won won't feel so beholden to abiding by hak's own unreasonable and childish demands. regardless: ]
It'll come back. So don't worry about it.
[ easier said than done though ]
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If it upsets you, it isn't better.
[ maybe he should think more on it because he doesn't actually know anything about hak. but the context he has is simple: this person is important to him, this person is unhappy, and therefore soo-won would struggle to accept that. (the core of him is such a gentle person) ]
... I'll make sure it comes back.