[there's just a brief, mirrored laugh - ] Ah, I suppose so...
Any magic in my country is so rare it's more closely tied to mythology. [to say the least] So to suddenly be faced with the concept of memories tied to a force of magic...
[No, Soo-Won doesn't look worried, but Blanca is not a fool. Ash had been like this, too. Being scared, being worried sent Ash into a frenzied, analytical over-drive.]
I would hate to watch you burn the candle at both ends when we have only just arrived. But it is good to be prepared.
[he asks the question mostly as a curiosity point - he doesn't actually think blanca is.
but he offers a smile anyway]
I'll see about putting a few failsafes in place, and then take to dinner. I'd hate to transfer my gray hair to you because you don't trust me to mind my own well-being.
I suppose I am simply a person who would like to know first that I did everything I could - and then be at peace with myself when the storm comes later.
he didn't expect actual worry - the care manages to pull an actual smile from him, gentle and amused]
I've been thinking on that as well. Does a person need every single one of their memories in order to retain who they are? I don't have an answer. But I don't mind telling you I've only lived for one reason for most of my life.
If I still have that reason, is that all I need to authentically still be me? I'm not sure, but I hope so. Or at least, I hope that I will be enough myself I can look at what I've done when I am whole again, and not feel ashamed.
[the idea of not being wholly in control of himself isn't great - but he supposes he just has to account for what he can, and hope for the best]
What of you, Blanca? When you have nearly twice as many memories as I, purely in terms of time - how do you feel about the possibility of some slipping through your hands?
[He is thoughtfully quiet for a moment or two. Truthfully, he doesn't even think of himself first, when he thinks about the authenticity of a person and their memories.
He wonders what kind of person Ash and Yut-Lung would be, if neither of them had the worst parts of their memories.]
I would be a very different person than I am now. Your memories make you who you are, even the smallest ones. I don't believe it's fair to have to pick and choose which ones are more important.
Even the smile of a friend you take for granted, losing it would mean you wouldn't understand how important it is.
[before he cants his head to the side almost sheepishly]
... I'm afraid, with my position, I rarely get to indulge in such things at all anymore.
Even what I hold dear to me... I have to accept losing it, for my people. Thinking on matters as a person, and not as someone who must take care of the subjects...
I'm afraid I wouldn't be able to do much at all, if I couldn't determine things like that.
But you're right. Even if they are not what I consider vital to my integrity... I think those things are important.
[even if those memories have still caused him more pain lately, than anything else]
[This does not take the frown from his face, or reassure him in the slightest. It's very easy for someone like him to say, "You don't have to do that, you know," but he knows better.
He's spent enough time being caught up in political games. And even if he thinks Ash had been right about being tired of playing a role, even if he is also tired of playing a role, he gets it.]
The good memories are what people are afraid to lose, I'm sure. They will cling to them. But even bad memories, Mister Won, have made you who you are right now.
And you can forget bad memories; many people, especially children, cope by forcing themselves to forget bad memories. But you won't ever not have any bad memories. Even with a clean slate, you will continue to make bad memories as you grow. From accidents, from mistakes.
And without bad memories, you won't have any measure for the good ones.
[ . . . he rights his head then and meets blanca straight-forwardly:]
I do not think I am someone who can afford to forget my bad memories either, Blanca. You needn't worry about me not understanding that distinction.
[most of his memories are bad, despite the disposition he shows. even those that were once good, he turned sour by his own choice. even so, he doesn't intend on shirking responsibility or looking away]
Those in power cannot afford to turn a blind eye to what they have done that hurt others.
Even if I have no power here, I don't intend on becoming blind.
[HONESTLY, HE IS NOT SURE IF HE LIKES THIS BETTER, OR THINKS IT'S WORSE. Soo-Won is way too young for responsibilities like this, a lot like both Ash and Yut-Lung.
But it's good to hear Soo-Won doesn't intend on sacrificing the bad memories to spare the good ones.]
[his smile at the acceptance of dinner quickly turns into a pout even as he begins to head back into the direction of town. he looks a little bit more his age]
I would, but you already know plenty about me!
I'll have you know that normally these tables are quite turned. I'd like to know more about you - you seem like a really fascinating person. Are you from this 'New York' you mentioned? What types of jobs have you taken? Did you like any of them? When you think of a smile you don't want to forget, who does it belong to?
[He thinks this is very funny, but also a little sad as he falls in line beside Soo-Won. It's not unlike watching Ash be a teenager around Eiji, instead of a wary and feral cat always on guard.
Sometimes, boys should have the time to be young.]
I am not from New York, no. I'm retired, but I had gone back there on business for someone who requested it. [He seems reserved, but still amused by Soo-Won's prying. He's not sure if there's any harm in saying things here, not like it would be back home.] I suppose you could say I took... janitorial jobs. If I'm honest, I did not enjoy any of the jobs I took. But I had a role to play which I believed I should follow.
[He looks ahead distantly, lips finally thinning into a frown.]
If I begin to not act like myself as our time here goes on, know that I have forgotten that smile, and that person.
[it's fine soo-won's an airhead around literally everyone else -
even now he seems to be carrying himself easily, gracefully, like he isn't shouldering the weight of a kingdom. he listens to blanca, sincerely enthralled]
Janitorial jobs with your skillset in strategy and superior orders.... [ah, he's understanding a bit more now. he doesn't seem worried or bothered by the connections he's making, instead just noting the discrepancy idly] Now that you're retired, do you believe that you've left that role behind?
[though he notes that frown too.]
... this person sounds very important to you. What are they like?
I'm not sure if a man like me can truly achieve a life like that.
[But, like Soo-Won is able to do sometimes, he does not look like he has so much weight on his shoulders when he smiles politely and opens the door for Soo-Won.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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I will say it doesn't have any magic of which I'm aware.
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Any magic in my country is so rare it's more closely tied to mythology. [to say the least] So to suddenly be faced with the concept of memories tied to a force of magic...
It's a bit strange.
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[He glances between Soo-Won and the hawk, and then looks away thoughtfully.]
I don't think we have much of a choice other than believe them... but I'm sure there is still a lot we don't know.
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[his smile is just a little withering
just a little]
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Yes, something like that. If you keep worrying so much, you are going to have gray hair very soon, Your Majesty.
[He's teasing.]
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Oh? Do I look worried to you?
[he is, that much is clear from his level of preparation
but does he look it!]
Don't worry, I don't plan on burning myself out. But it's best to make plans for worst case scenarios regardless.
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I would hate to watch you burn the candle at both ends when we have only just arrived. But it is good to be prepared.
ANNA your SNEEP
[he asks the question mostly as a curiosity point - he doesn't actually think blanca is.
but he offers a smile anyway]
I'll see about putting a few failsafes in place, and then take to dinner. I'd hate to transfer my gray hair to you because you don't trust me to mind my own well-being.
I suppose I am simply a person who would like to know first that I did everything I could - and then be at peace with myself when the storm comes later.
IT'S FINE I SLEPT
I have known one or two people as motivated as you are. I've also seen them wear themselves thin, is all. I don't think it's bad to plan, however.
You have so many memories, Mister Won. How are you going to keep the most important ones when almost all of them are important in some way?
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he didn't expect actual worry - the care manages to pull an actual smile from him, gentle and amused]
I've been thinking on that as well. Does a person need every single one of their memories in order to retain who they are? I don't have an answer. But I don't mind telling you I've only lived for one reason for most of my life.
If I still have that reason, is that all I need to authentically still be me? I'm not sure, but I hope so. Or at least, I hope that I will be enough myself I can look at what I've done when I am whole again, and not feel ashamed.
[the idea of not being wholly in control of himself isn't great - but he supposes he just has to account for what he can, and hope for the best]
What of you, Blanca? When you have nearly twice as many memories as I, purely in terms of time - how do you feel about the possibility of some slipping through your hands?
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He wonders what kind of person Ash and Yut-Lung would be, if neither of them had the worst parts of their memories.]
I would be a very different person than I am now. Your memories make you who you are, even the smallest ones. I don't believe it's fair to have to pick and choose which ones are more important.
Even the smile of a friend you take for granted, losing it would mean you wouldn't understand how important it is.
[1/2]
soo-won's expression stills for a moment and there is a flicker of something saddened in his eyes - ]
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... I'm afraid, with my position, I rarely get to indulge in such things at all anymore.
Even what I hold dear to me... I have to accept losing it, for my people. Thinking on matters as a person, and not as someone who must take care of the subjects...
I'm afraid I wouldn't be able to do much at all, if I couldn't determine things like that.
But you're right. Even if they are not what I consider vital to my integrity... I think those things are important.
[even if those memories have still caused him more pain lately, than anything else]
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He's spent enough time being caught up in political games. And even if he thinks Ash had been right about being tired of playing a role, even if he is also tired of playing a role, he gets it.]
The good memories are what people are afraid to lose, I'm sure. They will cling to them. But even bad memories, Mister Won, have made you who you are right now.
And you can forget bad memories; many people, especially children, cope by forcing themselves to forget bad memories. But you won't ever not have any bad memories. Even with a clean slate, you will continue to make bad memories as you grow. From accidents, from mistakes.
And without bad memories, you won't have any measure for the good ones.
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I do not think I am someone who can afford to forget my bad memories either, Blanca. You needn't worry about me not understanding that distinction.
[most of his memories are bad, despite the disposition he shows. even those that were once good, he turned sour by his own choice. even so, he doesn't intend on shirking responsibility or looking away]
Those in power cannot afford to turn a blind eye to what they have done that hurt others.
Even if I have no power here, I don't intend on becoming blind.
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But it's good to hear Soo-Won doesn't intend on sacrificing the bad memories to spare the good ones.]
I did not mean to imply you are foolish.
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[he's not offended - most people think he's a bit of a fool anyway. so even if blanca did, he wouldn't be offended! nice.
but he'll move gulfan onto his arm, giving the bird a helpful little nudge upward to give a little bit of extra momentum as he heads up into the sky]
Now, Gulfan has gotten far ahead of us as far as dinner goes. Would you care to join me?
If there's any memories you'd be willing to trust someone else to hold onto, I wouldn't mind carrying them for you, too.
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It would be rude of me to reject such an invitation.
[Which is to say, "Yes, please, dinner."]
And you? Are you going to do the same?
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I would, but you already know plenty about me!
I'll have you know that normally these tables are quite turned. I'd like to know more about you - you seem like a really fascinating person. Are you from this 'New York' you mentioned? What types of jobs have you taken? Did you like any of them? When you think of a smile you don't want to forget, who does it belong to?
[hE'S GOT SO MANY QUESTIONS, BLANCA]
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Sometimes, boys should have the time to be young.]
I am not from New York, no. I'm retired, but I had gone back there on business for someone who requested it. [He seems reserved, but still amused by Soo-Won's prying. He's not sure if there's any harm in saying things here, not like it would be back home.] I suppose you could say I took... janitorial jobs. If I'm honest, I did not enjoy any of the jobs I took. But I had a role to play which I believed I should follow.
[He looks ahead distantly, lips finally thinning into a frown.]
If I begin to not act like myself as our time here goes on, know that I have forgotten that smile, and that person.
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even now he seems to be carrying himself easily, gracefully, like he isn't shouldering the weight of a kingdom. he listens to blanca, sincerely enthralled]
Janitorial jobs with your skillset in strategy and superior orders.... [ah, he's understanding a bit more now. he doesn't seem worried or bothered by the connections he's making, instead just noting the discrepancy idly] Now that you're retired, do you believe that you've left that role behind?
[though he notes that frown too.]
... this person sounds very important to you. What are they like?
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Unfortunately, I didn't. Not when I first returned to New York, at least. I went because I was again filling a role required of me.
[He glances at Soo-Won, smiles hollowly, and then looks away again.]
She was beautiful, and intelligent, and full of convictions.
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... I hope you will get to live a life on your own terms soon.
[so that he doesn't have to return to a role. wouldn't that be nice? though at the description of the person - ]
It sounds like you two made a wonderful pair.
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[But, like Soo-Won is able to do sometimes, he does not look like he has so much weight on his shoulders when he smiles politely and opens the door for Soo-Won.]
Thank you. I would like to think we did.
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[he inclines his head in polite acknowledgement before he enters. off to the kitchen! he still can't cook.]
Mm, then I'm even more certain of it. Is there a way I could help remind you of her, should it come to that?
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