[He is thoughtfully quiet for a moment or two. Truthfully, he doesn't even think of himself first, when he thinks about the authenticity of a person and their memories.
He wonders what kind of person Ash and Yut-Lung would be, if neither of them had the worst parts of their memories.]
I would be a very different person than I am now. Your memories make you who you are, even the smallest ones. I don't believe it's fair to have to pick and choose which ones are more important.
Even the smile of a friend you take for granted, losing it would mean you wouldn't understand how important it is.
[before he cants his head to the side almost sheepishly]
... I'm afraid, with my position, I rarely get to indulge in such things at all anymore.
Even what I hold dear to me... I have to accept losing it, for my people. Thinking on matters as a person, and not as someone who must take care of the subjects...
I'm afraid I wouldn't be able to do much at all, if I couldn't determine things like that.
But you're right. Even if they are not what I consider vital to my integrity... I think those things are important.
[even if those memories have still caused him more pain lately, than anything else]
[This does not take the frown from his face, or reassure him in the slightest. It's very easy for someone like him to say, "You don't have to do that, you know," but he knows better.
He's spent enough time being caught up in political games. And even if he thinks Ash had been right about being tired of playing a role, even if he is also tired of playing a role, he gets it.]
The good memories are what people are afraid to lose, I'm sure. They will cling to them. But even bad memories, Mister Won, have made you who you are right now.
And you can forget bad memories; many people, especially children, cope by forcing themselves to forget bad memories. But you won't ever not have any bad memories. Even with a clean slate, you will continue to make bad memories as you grow. From accidents, from mistakes.
And without bad memories, you won't have any measure for the good ones.
[ . . . he rights his head then and meets blanca straight-forwardly:]
I do not think I am someone who can afford to forget my bad memories either, Blanca. You needn't worry about me not understanding that distinction.
[most of his memories are bad, despite the disposition he shows. even those that were once good, he turned sour by his own choice. even so, he doesn't intend on shirking responsibility or looking away]
Those in power cannot afford to turn a blind eye to what they have done that hurt others.
Even if I have no power here, I don't intend on becoming blind.
[HONESTLY, HE IS NOT SURE IF HE LIKES THIS BETTER, OR THINKS IT'S WORSE. Soo-Won is way too young for responsibilities like this, a lot like both Ash and Yut-Lung.
But it's good to hear Soo-Won doesn't intend on sacrificing the bad memories to spare the good ones.]
[his smile at the acceptance of dinner quickly turns into a pout even as he begins to head back into the direction of town. he looks a little bit more his age]
I would, but you already know plenty about me!
I'll have you know that normally these tables are quite turned. I'd like to know more about you - you seem like a really fascinating person. Are you from this 'New York' you mentioned? What types of jobs have you taken? Did you like any of them? When you think of a smile you don't want to forget, who does it belong to?
[He thinks this is very funny, but also a little sad as he falls in line beside Soo-Won. It's not unlike watching Ash be a teenager around Eiji, instead of a wary and feral cat always on guard.
Sometimes, boys should have the time to be young.]
I am not from New York, no. I'm retired, but I had gone back there on business for someone who requested it. [He seems reserved, but still amused by Soo-Won's prying. He's not sure if there's any harm in saying things here, not like it would be back home.] I suppose you could say I took... janitorial jobs. If I'm honest, I did not enjoy any of the jobs I took. But I had a role to play which I believed I should follow.
[He looks ahead distantly, lips finally thinning into a frown.]
If I begin to not act like myself as our time here goes on, know that I have forgotten that smile, and that person.
[it's fine soo-won's an airhead around literally everyone else -
even now he seems to be carrying himself easily, gracefully, like he isn't shouldering the weight of a kingdom. he listens to blanca, sincerely enthralled]
Janitorial jobs with your skillset in strategy and superior orders.... [ah, he's understanding a bit more now. he doesn't seem worried or bothered by the connections he's making, instead just noting the discrepancy idly] Now that you're retired, do you believe that you've left that role behind?
[though he notes that frown too.]
... this person sounds very important to you. What are they like?
I'm not sure if a man like me can truly achieve a life like that.
[But, like Soo-Won is able to do sometimes, he does not look like he has so much weight on his shoulders when he smiles politely and opens the door for Soo-Won.]
Fufu, my generals still have a few years on you, I'm afraid. [but he didn't answer the question] Do you believe that repenting for what you've done in the past means not reaching for freedom you might desire?
[this is such a neat conversation to have in the kitchen! but soo-won will at least move to help if there's anything he can help with - he's gotten used to being a kitchen aide]
Mm... because it impacted your life once - there's no saying that you cannot be impacted in the same way again. [he tilts his head and offers a smile] Maybe your heart will still want the same thing, you just won't know what it is.
anyway soo-won is going to do as asked! he will fetch ground meat for blanca so he can keep cooking. for what it's worth he's a decent assistant okay, and he'll keep peering around to watch blanca cook so he can perfectly recreate the dish next time they meet]
If the question becomes too personal, I will drop the matter.
[easily! he doesn't mean to cause offense - he's just sincerely curious]
I would say... it would depends on the context of what you did, and why. Some crimes and guilt may be carried in your heart - and you decide for yourself that you may not deserve a life of happiness, or a peaceful end.
Even so, I believe it's more common that some hells are self-determined, and people deserve a chance to escape them.
[Soo-Won, taking one thing back to old fantasy Korea: LOOK AT THIS DOUGH.]
Perhaps a little. Most people your age where I'm from are off being teenagers. You know, making romantic mistakes, being immature, sneaking out against their parents' wishes.
he shows it to blanca to make sure he has the right one?]
Ah... that's too bad. I would hope in the future that all children would get to be children, regardless of rank or birthright. [everyone is a child in the eyes of soo-won]
In my time, I'm afraid it's fairly commonplace... My father began instructing me on military exercises when I was... 4? 5? [that's not commonplace even in soo-won's time but for sons he actually assumes it is]
[He pauses in his own adventure of getting some shallots to nod at the package. That's the ones. He motions toward the counter.]
Usually nobility are very prudent about passing things on to their children who will be next in line. There aren't a lot of ruling nobility in the time I'm from. Not in the same way.
Here. [He opens the packet of dough for Soo-Won, and gets him a little bowl of water.] I'll show you how to fold one, even if it won't be the best.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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He wonders what kind of person Ash and Yut-Lung would be, if neither of them had the worst parts of their memories.]
I would be a very different person than I am now. Your memories make you who you are, even the smallest ones. I don't believe it's fair to have to pick and choose which ones are more important.
Even the smile of a friend you take for granted, losing it would mean you wouldn't understand how important it is.
[1/2]
soo-won's expression stills for a moment and there is a flicker of something saddened in his eyes - ]
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... I'm afraid, with my position, I rarely get to indulge in such things at all anymore.
Even what I hold dear to me... I have to accept losing it, for my people. Thinking on matters as a person, and not as someone who must take care of the subjects...
I'm afraid I wouldn't be able to do much at all, if I couldn't determine things like that.
But you're right. Even if they are not what I consider vital to my integrity... I think those things are important.
[even if those memories have still caused him more pain lately, than anything else]
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He's spent enough time being caught up in political games. And even if he thinks Ash had been right about being tired of playing a role, even if he is also tired of playing a role, he gets it.]
The good memories are what people are afraid to lose, I'm sure. They will cling to them. But even bad memories, Mister Won, have made you who you are right now.
And you can forget bad memories; many people, especially children, cope by forcing themselves to forget bad memories. But you won't ever not have any bad memories. Even with a clean slate, you will continue to make bad memories as you grow. From accidents, from mistakes.
And without bad memories, you won't have any measure for the good ones.
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I do not think I am someone who can afford to forget my bad memories either, Blanca. You needn't worry about me not understanding that distinction.
[most of his memories are bad, despite the disposition he shows. even those that were once good, he turned sour by his own choice. even so, he doesn't intend on shirking responsibility or looking away]
Those in power cannot afford to turn a blind eye to what they have done that hurt others.
Even if I have no power here, I don't intend on becoming blind.
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But it's good to hear Soo-Won doesn't intend on sacrificing the bad memories to spare the good ones.]
I did not mean to imply you are foolish.
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[he's not offended - most people think he's a bit of a fool anyway. so even if blanca did, he wouldn't be offended! nice.
but he'll move gulfan onto his arm, giving the bird a helpful little nudge upward to give a little bit of extra momentum as he heads up into the sky]
Now, Gulfan has gotten far ahead of us as far as dinner goes. Would you care to join me?
If there's any memories you'd be willing to trust someone else to hold onto, I wouldn't mind carrying them for you, too.
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It would be rude of me to reject such an invitation.
[Which is to say, "Yes, please, dinner."]
And you? Are you going to do the same?
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I would, but you already know plenty about me!
I'll have you know that normally these tables are quite turned. I'd like to know more about you - you seem like a really fascinating person. Are you from this 'New York' you mentioned? What types of jobs have you taken? Did you like any of them? When you think of a smile you don't want to forget, who does it belong to?
[hE'S GOT SO MANY QUESTIONS, BLANCA]
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Sometimes, boys should have the time to be young.]
I am not from New York, no. I'm retired, but I had gone back there on business for someone who requested it. [He seems reserved, but still amused by Soo-Won's prying. He's not sure if there's any harm in saying things here, not like it would be back home.] I suppose you could say I took... janitorial jobs. If I'm honest, I did not enjoy any of the jobs I took. But I had a role to play which I believed I should follow.
[He looks ahead distantly, lips finally thinning into a frown.]
If I begin to not act like myself as our time here goes on, know that I have forgotten that smile, and that person.
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even now he seems to be carrying himself easily, gracefully, like he isn't shouldering the weight of a kingdom. he listens to blanca, sincerely enthralled]
Janitorial jobs with your skillset in strategy and superior orders.... [ah, he's understanding a bit more now. he doesn't seem worried or bothered by the connections he's making, instead just noting the discrepancy idly] Now that you're retired, do you believe that you've left that role behind?
[though he notes that frown too.]
... this person sounds very important to you. What are they like?
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Unfortunately, I didn't. Not when I first returned to New York, at least. I went because I was again filling a role required of me.
[He glances at Soo-Won, smiles hollowly, and then looks away again.]
She was beautiful, and intelligent, and full of convictions.
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... I hope you will get to live a life on your own terms soon.
[so that he doesn't have to return to a role. wouldn't that be nice? though at the description of the person - ]
It sounds like you two made a wonderful pair.
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[But, like Soo-Won is able to do sometimes, he does not look like he has so much weight on his shoulders when he smiles politely and opens the door for Soo-Won.]
Thank you. I would like to think we did.
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[he inclines his head in polite acknowledgement before he enters. off to the kitchen! he still can't cook.]
Mm, then I'm even more certain of it. Is there a way I could help remind you of her, should it come to that?
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[Ash. ALSO STOP THIS. Blanca is going to cook even if he cannot make any gourmet meals.]
What makes you believe I will care about such a thing once the memory has left me?
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[this is such a neat conversation to have in the kitchen! but soo-won will at least move to help if there's anything he can help with - he's gotten used to being a kitchen aide]
Mm... because it impacted your life once - there's no saying that you cannot be impacted in the same way again. [he tilts his head and offers a smile] Maybe your heart will still want the same thing, you just won't know what it is.
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Yut-Lung. 😒]
It depends on whether or not you believe you can truly repent for things you made a deliberate choice in doing.
[Hm. Like murder? He will let Soo-Won assist only because he does not want to insult King Soo-Won by telling him to go sit down and wait.]
I can see you really want me to give you more details about myself. Hm. Will you hand me some ground meat?
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anyway soo-won is going to do as asked! he will fetch ground meat for blanca so he can keep cooking. for what it's worth he's a decent assistant okay, and he'll keep peering around to watch blanca cook so he can perfectly recreate the dish next time they meet]
If the question becomes too personal, I will drop the matter.
[easily! he doesn't mean to cause offense - he's just sincerely curious]
I would say... it would depends on the context of what you did, and why. Some crimes and guilt may be carried in your heart - and you decide for yourself that you may not deserve a life of happiness, or a peaceful end.
Even so, I believe it's more common that some hells are self-determined, and people deserve a chance to escape them.
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[Since, like, ready-made dough for Soo-Won is like huh? probably.]
Should I be concerned you are eighteen, a king, and are already willing to make philosophies like these to me?
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but he'll be laughing at the question even as he goes to look for it]
Is it concerning? Maybe I've just read too many books...
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Perhaps a little. Most people your age where I'm from are off being teenagers. You know, making romantic mistakes, being immature, sneaking out against their parents' wishes.
You remind me of someone I know, is all.
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he shows it to blanca to make sure he has the right one?]
Ah... that's too bad. I would hope in the future that all children would get to be children, regardless of rank or birthright. [everyone is a child in the eyes of soo-won]
In my time, I'm afraid it's fairly commonplace... My father began instructing me on military exercises when I was... 4? 5? [that's not commonplace even in soo-won's time but for sons he actually assumes it is]
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Usually nobility are very prudent about passing things on to their children who will be next in line. There aren't a lot of ruling nobility in the time I'm from. Not in the same way.
Here. [He opens the packet of dough for Soo-Won, and gets him a little bowl of water.] I'll show you how to fold one, even if it won't be the best.
You said you liked dumplings, right?
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You remembered? I'm honored!
[and he loves learning new things!! so he'll be sure to watch how blanca folds the dumplings carefully so that he can mimic it with gentle pinches]
Ah - and I'm pleased to hear that the nobility has faded in your world, then. Does that mean that classes blend together more?
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