[how cute her reaction was - though now he's just being mean.
but he'll just laugh quietly to himself and move to lower her hand, still holding onto it, and settling for interlacing their fingers as he continues to walk along the river. even he's not quite sure what he meant by the gesture - only that it seemed appropriate, to seal the promise with an affectionate gesture.]
Well, if you can think of anything else to ask for, do let me know.
I believe that after all I have put you through, I have rung up quite a list of grievances I will need to make amends for.
W-Why? I-It's not like I'm used to anything like that.
[ lord help her
It's in reply to everything he said. Handholds are one thing. Anything more than that is more than she's ever done (shoves her one kiss this game under the rug), and she is not one to ask for much. She never has. Even to make up for anything that's been done to her, she's never thought to ask for it.
She lets her gaze drift over the river as they continue to walk. ]
It's not like I'm going to sweep what you've done away, but when I feel like simply asking you if I could go to you and wishing for your answer to be yes is more than enough, I'm... [ Her voice grows softer. ] Uncertain.... or maybe afraid of what it would mean to be able to ask or wish for more.
Asking for answers is one thing. Asking for other things... is difficult.
[ What does it mean to ask for something for yourself?
She smiles as if to hide away some of her doubts. ]
But perhaps if things go well tomorrow and everything is returned to us, maybe I can try asking for something else.
in truth, he'd suggested it because he does feel as though there are some things that he owes her. more complete explanations, perhaps, for all the reasons why he lied and all the reasons why he told her about some matters and hid others away. that's the least that he can offer.
but if she wants something more than answers.... he's not quite sure what it could be.
with his hand in hers, he gives it a gentle squeeze even as he tilts his head.]
.... what is it that you want? Or do you truly wish to want to wait until tomorrow? I'll wait for whatever it is that you decide, if that's the case.
But even if we should meet our supposed end tomorrow....
I wouldn't mind knowing today.
[if only because - that is the type of person that he is. to make preparations, to have as much time to deliberate as possible. and given how he feels about jeanne - how much he wants to see her happy, how much he's willing to give her to make amends for all he's done and the fact that she's still willing to be at his side - he thinks that he would rather set the mechanisms for a life of happiness for her sooner rather than later.]
But if what you desire is something I can give you - I will do my best as well.
[he imagines that by now, if there is anything that he hopes that she knows -
it's how much he'll do for her, so long as it's within his means.]
I don't know if you should encourage me to ask more of you. I'm as much of a stranger to being selfish as you are, and if you—
[ If he encourages her to be more greedy...
She shakes her head. ]
I would be lying were I to say I did not want answers, if I said I did not want to know why you chose to hide the things you did from me, if only because I wish to understand you more. [ It's her turn to give his hand a gentle squeeze. ] For someone who tries so much to understand others, I feel as if sometimes, you make it hard for others to try to understand you.
[ There isn't any reproach to her words. It's an honest observation, and it's something she'd like to change, at least from her end. Even if they don't have all the hours in the world (funny how a wish quickly changes that), she does want to understand him more. She wants to understand him as best as she can.
And she understands she may be hurt again by what he may say. ]
What I want...
[ Is something she doesn't think she should say until her duty is done and is something she doesn't think Soo-won would consider until his is done. But if they meet their supposed end tomorrow—
She lifts their joined hands and holds it over her heart for a brief moment, an indication of what she'd like to say but doesn't think she should.
Is it something she should say in case they didn't end this cycle the way they wanted?
It's not like feelings are that easy to control, and she thinks his feelings are elsewhere. ]
... is that I would like you to carry something for me until I find you again.
[ . . . . it's not as though she is wrong - soo-won is the type of person who will ask others why they feel the way they do, and somehow finds a way to hold onto his admiration no matter what they tell him, in the vast majority of situations. however, it remains that there are not many instances in which he has the same favor returned to him.
but he doesn't think that's odd, or wrong. perhaps it is simply a set of circumstances that he has come to live with. still, he'll try to compromise:]
... I often think that my results will explain my actions - and so no words or explanations are ever truly enough unless someone else deems whether what I've done is worth it. [he doesn't try to explain why he killed the king of their country - for it doesn't matter to anyone except the citizens who live in kouka. otherwise, he will accept whether he is deserving of scorn or praise by strangers.] But... if you want to know, I will try to explain.
[if she makes it clear what she wants - he thinks that he will often try to meet that for her.
it is why he listens carefully when she starts to edge toward an answer, and he doesn't flinch away when she moves their hands and brings it over her heart. one blink, another, and a gentle tilt of his head.
(distantly, so distantly, he thinks that he might begin to form a guess. but isn't that theory something... far-fetched? like an idea just barely beginning to coalesce into understanding, piece by piece.]
.... very well. I'll do as you ask, if you would trust me with it.
Soo-won, you are not merely the culmination of your actions and your results. I know you are sure in your decisions and your judgments and that you think whatever you do is worth it.
But for as long as I'm able, I would like to try to know the entirety of you to whatever extent I can. That includes your feelings to go along with your actions. I have always wanted to know you for who you are as a person.
Isn't that one of the first things we said to each other?
[ That they could just be Soo-won and Jeanne.
For however much he'll allow, she wants to hear whatever he'll say, if he is not afraid of being known (she doesn't think he is). She does think he dismisses himself a bit too much and she wants to change that, at least with one person. ]
For as much as you have lied to me, I do trust you still.
[ She's sincere, and she's not sure if she wants him to realize her feelings. A part of her hopes he stays dumb as a rock when it comes to love. It's scary. It's honestly one of the most frightening things to her.
That she's even as aware of her own feelings as much as she is - is so much for her to bear. ]
[ . . . there's just a bit of a laugh at that, coupled with a shake of his head.]
.... but one of the reasons why we said that to each other - why it was so distinct, is because we are the people that others need us to be, more often than not.
[so he hears her - he does. she understands why he does the things that he does, and she understands his circumstances. it is a level of finding a kindred spirit that he didn't think that he'd ever get. but it is because he is a king who makes choices that harms others that he thinks that his emotions do not get to play a part - not when so much of his life was working with a deadline (in the most literal sense) and a goal, and he didn't have the luxury of acknowledging how he might be feeling through out.
at least not in any form that is more thoughtful than 'this saddens me, and perhaps i deserve it'.
but he knows that's not what she wants to hear, and not what she's after.]
.... still, I know that you do not need me to be anyone other than myself, just as I don't need you to be anyone but Jeanne.
[ . . . he gives her hand a gentle squeeze then]
I cannot promise you a life in which I will never lie to you again, or that I will always be able to choose ideals over practicality.
However... once we leave this situation - I hope that I will be able to say with more confidence that I will do better than I have, and I will earn the trust you have placed in me.
For I do recognize how precious that is - [how precious she is] - and I do not wish to disappoint you.
[ She knows because she has frequently, over and over again, set aside her feelings to do what she thinks must be done, to be the person that she should be and what is needed more than anything else.
Because they both know they have to in order to receive the results they want. ]
I've never needed to be a priority, and for as much as I believe in hope, it's not as if I try to raise false ones.
[ She has accepted that he'll lie to her again, and isn't it foolish to still want to be with him after all that?
It's only one more sign of how she feels. ]
I am not nearly as virtuous as some people believe me to be either.
[ Her patience and tolerance do have limits. ]
But you aren't someone I want to leave behind, and I am not sure you ever will be.
[ . . . . it's not as though he thinks that she's deceiving him - not after she's said this time and time again, and even now she's said that she tries not to raise false hope.
so does that mean after weighing all this, in the time they've had together, she still thinks that she wants to be next to him?
(sharon had told him about her memory that she'd lost - about the people that she'd hurt, and yet they still welcomed her into their lives. soo-won doesn't think that he's harmed jeanne to the same extent that he's hurt yona and hak. but he knows that he has hurt her, and deceived her, and even now he can make no promise he won't do so again in the future.
she still wants to be with him. for some reason his heart aches.)]
... I'm not sure why you'd go so far for me, Jeanne.
[if she wants his honesty - he will give it.]
But it is not as though I want you to go too far ahead of me either. Not when the other option is to have you with me for as long as we can manage.
[after all, weren't part of his lies out of the selfish, definite fact that he wanted to keep her alive for as long as possible? when he decided to choose her and her life over any line of honesty between them?]
[ It was a surprise that she was someone who could feel glad at being saved those weeks ago when she had been so prepared to go. That it was due to being kept in the dark and lied to is what makes it so much more complicated.
She cannot begrudge Soo-won for it, however. She can't say with certainty she'd act differently, not when it means saving a life (not when it means saving a life of someone she cares more about).
She closes her eyes, and she tries to measure what she should say against what she should do.
She is not someone who should love any one person more than the rest. She isn't someone who has a right to love this way, but even so, it doesn't change the fact that she does.
And even though she does, she knows that if she had to, she could still leave him even if she didn't want to. Wanting has never been a luxury either of them could afford.
When she opens her eyes again, she lets go of his hand. She takes a few steps back and clasps her hands behind her back. She wants him to be free to respond how he wishes without her words or her movements to tie him down.
When she speaks, her voice is quiet but unwavering. She is terrified of this confession more than any other, but she has the answer to his question. She faces him, unflinching and as sincere as ever. ]
It's because I love you, Soo-won. I'm in love with you.
[ And it hurts her how much. It alarms her how much. ]
And that is why I don't know if you can give me anything because I don't want anything, if you don't have anything to give.
in some part, even before his mind rushes to try to conjure an answer for her, he thinks that the answer is evident in the way that he wants to reach for her hand again, mere moments after she's pulled away.
(how until the moment he has to let the people he loves go, he wants to be with them, even if it is only a facsimile of happiness.)
but he is surprised - and it shows. in the way that his brows raise, and his breath gets caught for just a moment, and his heart treacherously stutters in his chest.
the truth of the matter is, if he were to truly think on it, he thinks that this isn't the first set of feelings toward him that he's encountered, even if the other moments were only vague suspicions.
the difference - the key difference - is that this is jeanne. this is jeanne, using her words directly to tell him, without a chance of him redirecting the conversation or misunderstanding a physical gesture. she loves him, no matter how much he's lied to her, and the amount of blood on his hands.
... I'm sorry, I.... don't know anything about love, or romance. Even when I tried to read to understand more of it.... I'd thought that it would be hard - to distinguish feelings like that.
[soo-won doesn't know anything about love, or being in love.
. . . but.]
.... I think even now, I'm not very good at it. So I don't know if I can answer you with the same certainty - you're always far more sure of yourself than even I can compare to, Jeanne.
[ . . . but.
he moves to step forward then, and he reaches out - if only to tuck a stray piece of hair behind her ear, tilting his head as he looks down at her and wonders if even still, this is a trick. if this is something that he will certainly lose, and he should be afraid of it. if someone like him truly isn't meant to be gifted with the love of wonderful people like her.
there is something soft in his expression - almost guilty, but even so... he is touched. he knows that there is something that he wants too.
(even if it goes against fate, or preordained futures, or the gods themselves - )]
.... yet I know that I want every moment with you that this world, or any world, might have to spare. And I know that I wish we had all the time to simply know each other. Those words were never lies.
[soo-won may not know anything about love, but he knows longing and heartache like the back of his hand. only now does it begin to make sense, the way that he felt when he looked at her, when he thought that he might lose her.]
Maybe... that is love as I know it.
Is that enough to give, if it is something you could receive?
That is more than she expected. It is more than she'd thought he'd give, knowing what she knows of his life, knowing of what he has left to do in the little time he has left.
(She doesn't know that he'd ask for a wish.)
She's stunned that he would even try. She's aware that he's given very little to no room for any sort of romantic love. She has, too, but the difference is that she had the chance for it once before she threw it away.
Even though she tried to shut those feelings away, they still escaped.
She meant to throw it away here, too, but he said, I'm not sure why you'd go so far for me.
And that is something she couldn't not answer. ]
Yes.
[ She's breathless, and something bright and beautiful blooms in her chest. Even if he is uncertain, even if he doesn't know, even if won't ever know, Jeanne is fine with it.
All she can be is true to herself and accept what comes her way. Even if these feelings aren't right and even if they are wrong, there is no denying what she feels anymore ]
It's more than enough. I am happy enough with that.
[ And she truly is. She looks up at him with her heart in her eyes. For all the times her eyes were bright with tears in the Realm, they never fell.
They do now, and she brings her hands to her face to brush them away. ]
[he startles again, when tears begin to fall - he'd been surprised enough when she was close to tears before, at their reunion, and now she's... crying?
even now, he foolishly wonders if he'd said the wrong thing, even when she looks so happy. because it is an odd thing for him to think - that there is someone who wants to be with him so much, even after everything that he's done.
even more so that this someone is jeanne - who he respects, admires, cares for, and would similarly want to follow, if he were to ever choose someone who fascinated him so much that his legs would move before he couldn't even think.
similarly to now, when his hands move before his mind can think better of it - reaching out to try to help with her tears, even awkward as he is. he's careful to brush them away, even as his head ducks more towards hers, their foreheads nearly touching
until he hesitates - the last failsafe of his attempt at distance faltering - before he presses a soft kiss to her cheek.
as always, his voice is soft and gentle - ]
... don't cry... I don't... know what lengths I'll go to, to get you to stop.
[what he'd do, if it meant jeanne never had to cry again]
[ The kiss startles her enough that her tears stop. ]
I'm - sorry. I really am not one to cry much.
[ It just seems as if Soo-won can evoke that much more emotion from her, past all the different walls and different barriers she puts up to be the person she needs to be, to be the person others expect her to be.
It's also why she's slow to bring her arms up to link her fingers behind Soo-won's neck. She's never been scared of hearing his response; whatever reply he would've given, she would've accepted easily. For his life as a king or for his very short lifespan, she would have easily expected him to say he couldn't think to accept her feelings.
She would have understood instantly, but it wouldn't change how much she'd want to be there for him at his side after everything was said and done.
She laughs softly. ]
You don't have to do much. Letting me be with you for as much time as you can is all I need.
I don't need you to know or be good at romance. It's not as if I know much about it either.
[ It's not like she ever allowed herself to, and it has always been scarier for her to acknowledge it for herself, scarier for her to hold these feelings than for any other person to not have feelings for her. ]
I doubt I'll have more reason to cry from hereon.
[ Not once everything has been settled and not until his life leaves him for good. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
... how unexpected....
[how cute her reaction was - though now he's just being mean.
but he'll just laugh quietly to himself and move to lower her hand, still holding onto it, and settling for interlacing their fingers as he continues to walk along the river. even he's not quite sure what he meant by the gesture - only that it seemed appropriate, to seal the promise with an affectionate gesture.]
Well, if you can think of anything else to ask for, do let me know.
I believe that after all I have put you through, I have rung up quite a list of grievances I will need to make amends for.
no subject
[ lord help her
It's in reply to everything he said. Handholds are one thing. Anything more than that is more than she's ever done (shoves her one kiss this game under the rug), and she is not one to ask for much. She never has. Even to make up for anything that's been done to her, she's never thought to ask for it.
She lets her gaze drift over the river as they continue to walk. ]
It's not like I'm going to sweep what you've done away, but when I feel like simply asking you if I could go to you and wishing for your answer to be yes is more than enough, I'm... [ Her voice grows softer. ] Uncertain.... or maybe afraid of what it would mean to be able to ask or wish for more.
Asking for answers is one thing. Asking for other things... is difficult.
[ What does it mean to ask for something for yourself?
She smiles as if to hide away some of her doubts. ]
But perhaps if things go well tomorrow and everything is returned to us, maybe I can try asking for something else.
[ Like tossing him into the river (no). ]
no subject
in truth, he'd suggested it because he does feel as though there are some things that he owes her. more complete explanations, perhaps, for all the reasons why he lied and all the reasons why he told her about some matters and hid others away. that's the least that he can offer.
but if she wants something more than answers.... he's not quite sure what it could be.
with his hand in hers, he gives it a gentle squeeze even as he tilts his head.]
.... what is it that you want? Or do you truly wish to want to wait until tomorrow? I'll wait for whatever it is that you decide, if that's the case.
But even if we should meet our supposed end tomorrow....
I wouldn't mind knowing today.
[if only because - that is the type of person that he is. to make preparations, to have as much time to deliberate as possible. and given how he feels about jeanne - how much he wants to see her happy, how much he's willing to give her to make amends for all he's done and the fact that she's still willing to be at his side - he thinks that he would rather set the mechanisms for a life of happiness for her sooner rather than later.]
But if what you desire is something I can give you - I will do my best as well.
[he imagines that by now, if there is anything that he hopes that she knows -
it's how much he'll do for her, so long as it's within his means.]
no subject
[ If he encourages her to be more greedy...
She shakes her head. ]
I would be lying were I to say I did not want answers, if I said I did not want to know why you chose to hide the things you did from me, if only because I wish to understand you more. [ It's her turn to give his hand a gentle squeeze. ] For someone who tries so much to understand others, I feel as if sometimes, you make it hard for others to try to understand you.
[ There isn't any reproach to her words. It's an honest observation, and it's something she'd like to change, at least from her end. Even if they don't have all the hours in the world (funny how a wish quickly changes that), she does want to understand him more. She wants to understand him as best as she can.
And she understands she may be hurt again by what he may say. ]
What I want...
[ Is something she doesn't think she should say until her duty is done and is something she doesn't think Soo-won would consider until his is done. But if they meet their supposed end tomorrow—
She lifts their joined hands and holds it over her heart for a brief moment, an indication of what she'd like to say but doesn't think she should.
Is it something she should say in case they didn't end this cycle the way they wanted?
It's not like feelings are that easy to control, and she thinks his feelings are elsewhere. ]
... is that I would like you to carry something for me until I find you again.
no subject
but he doesn't think that's odd, or wrong. perhaps it is simply a set of circumstances that he has come to live with. still, he'll try to compromise:]
... I often think that my results will explain my actions - and so no words or explanations are ever truly enough unless someone else deems whether what I've done is worth it. [he doesn't try to explain why he killed the king of their country - for it doesn't matter to anyone except the citizens who live in kouka. otherwise, he will accept whether he is deserving of scorn or praise by strangers.] But... if you want to know, I will try to explain.
[if she makes it clear what she wants - he thinks that he will often try to meet that for her.
it is why he listens carefully when she starts to edge toward an answer, and he doesn't flinch away when she moves their hands and brings it over her heart. one blink, another, and a gentle tilt of his head.
(distantly, so distantly, he thinks that he might begin to form a guess. but isn't that theory something... far-fetched? like an idea just barely beginning to coalesce into understanding, piece by piece.]
.... very well. I'll do as you ask, if you would trust me with it.
no subject
But for as long as I'm able, I would like to try to know the entirety of you to whatever extent I can. That includes your feelings to go along with your actions. I have always wanted to know you for who you are as a person.
Isn't that one of the first things we said to each other?
[ That they could just be Soo-won and Jeanne.
For however much he'll allow, she wants to hear whatever he'll say, if he is not afraid of being known (she doesn't think he is). She does think he dismisses himself a bit too much and she wants to change that, at least with one person. ]
For as much as you have lied to me, I do trust you still.
[ She's sincere, and she's not sure if she wants him to realize her feelings. A part of her hopes he stays dumb as a rock when it comes to love. It's scary. It's honestly one of the most frightening things to her.
That she's even as aware of her own feelings as much as she is - is so much for her to bear. ]
no subject
.... but one of the reasons why we said that to each other - why it was so distinct, is because we are the people that others need us to be, more often than not.
[so he hears her - he does. she understands why he does the things that he does, and she understands his circumstances. it is a level of finding a kindred spirit that he didn't think that he'd ever get. but it is because he is a king who makes choices that harms others that he thinks that his emotions do not get to play a part - not when so much of his life was working with a deadline (in the most literal sense) and a goal, and he didn't have the luxury of acknowledging how he might be feeling through out.
at least not in any form that is more thoughtful than 'this saddens me, and perhaps i deserve it'.
but he knows that's not what she wants to hear, and not what she's after.]
.... still, I know that you do not need me to be anyone other than myself, just as I don't need you to be anyone but Jeanne.
[ . . . he gives her hand a gentle squeeze then]
I cannot promise you a life in which I will never lie to you again, or that I will always be able to choose ideals over practicality.
However... once we leave this situation - I hope that I will be able to say with more confidence that I will do better than I have, and I will earn the trust you have placed in me.
For I do recognize how precious that is - [how precious she is] - and I do not wish to disappoint you.
no subject
[ She knows because she has frequently, over and over again, set aside her feelings to do what she thinks must be done, to be the person that she should be and what is needed more than anything else.
Because they both know they have to in order to receive the results they want. ]
I've never needed to be a priority, and for as much as I believe in hope, it's not as if I try to raise false ones.
[ She has accepted that he'll lie to her again, and isn't it foolish to still want to be with him after all that?
It's only one more sign of how she feels. ]
I am not nearly as virtuous as some people believe me to be either.
[ Her patience and tolerance do have limits. ]
But you aren't someone I want to leave behind, and I am not sure you ever will be.
no subject
so does that mean after weighing all this, in the time they've had together, she still thinks that she wants to be next to him?
(sharon had told him about her memory that she'd lost - about the people that she'd hurt, and yet they still welcomed her into their lives. soo-won doesn't think that he's harmed jeanne to the same extent that he's hurt yona and hak. but he knows that he has hurt her, and deceived her, and even now he can make no promise he won't do so again in the future.
she still wants to be with him. for some reason his heart aches.)]
... I'm not sure why you'd go so far for me, Jeanne.
[if she wants his honesty - he will give it.]
But it is not as though I want you to go too far ahead of me either. Not when the other option is to have you with me for as long as we can manage.
[after all, weren't part of his lies out of the selfish, definite fact that he wanted to keep her alive for as long as possible? when he decided to choose her and her life over any line of honesty between them?]
no subject
She cannot begrudge Soo-won for it, however. She can't say with certainty she'd act differently, not when it means saving a life (not when it means saving a life of someone she cares more about).
She closes her eyes, and she tries to measure what she should say against what she should do.
She is not someone who should love any one person more than the rest. She isn't someone who has a right to love this way, but even so, it doesn't change the fact that she does.
And even though she does, she knows that if she had to, she could still leave him even if she didn't want to. Wanting has never been a luxury either of them could afford.
When she opens her eyes again, she lets go of his hand. She takes a few steps back and clasps her hands behind her back. She wants him to be free to respond how he wishes without her words or her movements to tie him down.
When she speaks, her voice is quiet but unwavering. She is terrified of this confession more than any other, but she has the answer to his question. She faces him, unflinching and as sincere as ever. ]
It's because I love you, Soo-won. I'm in love with you.
[ And it hurts her how much. It alarms her how much. ]
And that is why I don't know if you can give me anything because I don't want anything, if you don't have anything to give.
[ Because she thinks he doesn't. ]
[1/2]
in some part, even before his mind rushes to try to conjure an answer for her, he thinks that the answer is evident in the way that he wants to reach for her hand again, mere moments after she's pulled away.
(how until the moment he has to let the people he loves go, he wants to be with them, even if it is only a facsimile of happiness.)
but he is surprised - and it shows. in the way that his brows raise, and his breath gets caught for just a moment, and his heart treacherously stutters in his chest.
the truth of the matter is, if he were to truly think on it, he thinks that this isn't the first set of feelings toward him that he's encountered, even if the other moments were only vague suspicions.
the difference - the key difference - is that this is jeanne. this is jeanne, using her words directly to tell him, without a chance of him redirecting the conversation or misunderstanding a physical gesture. she loves him, no matter how much he's lied to her, and the amount of blood on his hands.
and he— ]
no subject
... I'm sorry, I.... don't know anything about love, or romance. Even when I tried to read to understand more of it.... I'd thought that it would be hard - to distinguish feelings like that.
[soo-won doesn't know anything about love, or being in love.
. . . but.]
.... I think even now, I'm not very good at it. So I don't know if I can answer you with the same certainty - you're always far more sure of yourself than even I can compare to, Jeanne.
[ . . . but.
he moves to step forward then, and he reaches out - if only to tuck a stray piece of hair behind her ear, tilting his head as he looks down at her and wonders if even still, this is a trick. if this is something that he will certainly lose, and he should be afraid of it. if someone like him truly isn't meant to be gifted with the love of wonderful people like her.
there is something soft in his expression - almost guilty, but even so... he is touched. he knows that there is something that he wants too.
(even if it goes against fate, or preordained futures, or the gods themselves - )]
.... yet I know that I want every moment with you that this world, or any world, might have to spare. And I know that I wish we had all the time to simply know each other. Those words were never lies.
[soo-won may not know anything about love, but he knows longing and heartache like the back of his hand. only now does it begin to make sense, the way that he felt when he looked at her, when he thought that he might lose her.]
Maybe... that is love as I know it.
Is that enough to give, if it is something you could receive?
no subject
That is more than she expected. It is more than she'd thought he'd give, knowing what she knows of his life, knowing of what he has left to do in the little time he has left.
(She doesn't know that he'd ask for a wish.)
She's stunned that he would even try. She's aware that he's given very little to no room for any sort of romantic love. She has, too, but the difference is that she had the chance for it once before she threw it away.
Even though she tried to shut those feelings away, they still escaped.
She meant to throw it away here, too, but he said, I'm not sure why you'd go so far for me.
And that is something she couldn't not answer. ]
Yes.
[ She's breathless, and something bright and beautiful blooms in her chest. Even if he is uncertain, even if he doesn't know, even if won't ever know, Jeanne is fine with it.
All she can be is true to herself and accept what comes her way. Even if these feelings aren't right and even if they are wrong, there is no denying what she feels anymore ]
It's more than enough. I am happy enough with that.
[ And she truly is. She looks up at him with her heart in her eyes. For all the times her eyes were bright with tears in the Realm, they never fell.
They do now, and she brings her hands to her face to brush them away. ]
no subject
[he startles again, when tears begin to fall - he'd been surprised enough when she was close to tears before, at their reunion, and now she's... crying?
even now, he foolishly wonders if he'd said the wrong thing, even when she looks so happy. because it is an odd thing for him to think - that there is someone who wants to be with him so much, even after everything that he's done.
even more so that this someone is jeanne - who he respects, admires, cares for, and would similarly want to follow, if he were to ever choose someone who fascinated him so much that his legs would move before he couldn't even think.
similarly to now, when his hands move before his mind can think better of it - reaching out to try to help with her tears, even awkward as he is. he's careful to brush them away, even as his head ducks more towards hers, their foreheads nearly touching
until he hesitates - the last failsafe of his attempt at distance faltering - before he presses a soft kiss to her cheek.
as always, his voice is soft and gentle - ]
... don't cry... I don't... know what lengths I'll go to, to get you to stop.
[what he'd do, if it meant jeanne never had to cry again]
no subject
I'm - sorry. I really am not one to cry much.
[ It just seems as if Soo-won can evoke that much more emotion from her, past all the different walls and different barriers she puts up to be the person she needs to be, to be the person others expect her to be.
It's also why she's slow to bring her arms up to link her fingers behind Soo-won's neck. She's never been scared of hearing his response; whatever reply he would've given, she would've accepted easily. For his life as a king or for his very short lifespan, she would have easily expected him to say he couldn't think to accept her feelings.
She would have understood instantly, but it wouldn't change how much she'd want to be there for him at his side after everything was said and done.
She laughs softly. ]
You don't have to do much. Letting me be with you for as much time as you can is all I need.
I don't need you to know or be good at romance. It's not as if I know much about it either.
[ It's not like she ever allowed herself to, and it has always been scarier for her to acknowledge it for herself, scarier for her to hold these feelings than for any other person to not have feelings for her. ]
I doubt I'll have more reason to cry from hereon.
[ Not once everything has been settled and not until his life leaves him for good. ]