[he offers a bit of a smile at that - and he'll explain. he doesn't really take a moment to pause, just giving the whole thing like a report.]
To begin, it was the four of us - but we were divided quickly. Xie Lian and I were brought to a room where we were expected to sit in these chairs. Words appeared and prompted us that an enemy attack was coming, and asked if we were prepared. Upon selecting yes, we were knocked unconscious.
While unconscious... we were - tested, I suppose you could say. Brought to remember moments that brought us fear, or hurt us emotionally. Little did we know that our consciousness was reflected in the monsters that Archer and Ochako were fighting elsewhere. Given that Ochako and Archer won in their battle, Xie Lian and I were defeated and I believe we died during our struggle.
However... the two others were able to revive us through the use of a serum - but the serum made us murderous. We tried to kill them, and could not be stopped until they killed us instead.
[and so soo-won died twice in one day. he's quiet for a moment]
Archer was prepared for that eventuality but I believe.... Ochako took it hard - and I put her in a position where she had to kill me, even though I accepted it. So I ask that you tread the topic lightly with her.
[somehow, he sounds more concerned for the girl who killed him than himself, but that's just expected of him, perhaps]
soo-won respects to the touch, his expression warming a bit as if to offer comfort. he places a hand over zuko's and yes, he is indeed still steady and alive]
I am.
It's a bit surprising, isn't it? I didn't think that if I ever died, I would be able to come back from it - though I can't say that I'm complaining either.
[zuko is upset and - soo-won looks a little bit touched at that]
... well, I'm alive now.
[and somehow, that is enough for him. though his expression softens]
... I think I've thought about my own end a lot more than other people. When it came to me, either time... Well, maybe the first time I wasn't at peace with it. I was annoyed that apparently my heart had lost against the ordeals, even though it felt very unfair.
But... the second time - I'd never felt so murderous before, so bloodthirsty. Even if I've made choices in my life that are not grand or heroic... I'd never wanted to harm someone so badly. I thought that I would rather die, than live a life without compassion - a life not myself.
[ . . . ]
But I'm here instead, and I get to sit next to you - and for that, I'm grateful.
[ it's not as if zuko hasn't been at death's door many, many, many times in his life. he could never claim to be at peace about it, even in his most hopeless states. there was always a part of him that was too angry to ever give up, no matter what. that he can't relate to. ]
[ the rest, though. ]
I don't understand what could have made you like that.... [ apparently, zuko isn't even going to consider that soo-won is like secretly super bloodthirsty or anything ] but I think... I get it. I'd rather die as myself than live as any twisted version of me, regardless of my mistakes.
Mm, I don't plan on it. [and for that he sounds sincere] I'm sorry to have worried you...
Even though I think it's very nice of you to do so. But I promise that I'm fine. I may need some time to consider what happened a bit more but... I'll be alright.
... Yeah... I am... I just think you all are giving me too much credit.
[ he does have a point about the comparison, he just thinks soo-won doesn't treat himself as nicely as he does everyone else. also, it's just weird to zuko to keep getting complimented on his kindness. ]
Besides, it took me so many mistakes before I even got this far.
... I once nearly answered an act of aggression with an act of aggression. Because I was faced against with malice and distrust, I thought that my only answer was to answer it with the same, even if it means that innocent people would get caught up in the battle. For that reason.... I consider it a failure.
Ultimately, a battle was avoided and negotiations began in their place, but I think -
[his expression turns ever so slightly shuttered, for just half a second, before he sighs and lets a hand run through his own hair]
... my preparations were lacking at that time. I'll have to learn from it, so I don't accept bloodshed as a necessity even during wartime. It was likely an excuse.
[ honestly, the description resonates with him, even if their experiences aren't entirely compatible. but if zuko understands anything, it's answering aggression with aggression. he spent so much of his banished time doing that, thinking that his father would love and respect him if he proved himself..... ]
It can be hard. To change your entire way of thinking... or approach, especially during war. There's a war going on in my world, too. So I think I know what you mean.
[ . . . he nods at that, slowly. it's hard for him to admit, in all honesty. because he merely acted in accordance with all his books on strategy and military warfare. he thinks that things still would've gone down the path of bloodshed if yona hadn't—
he offers up a small smile to zuko, one of understanding. it lacks the same light that soo-won normally carries, but it's sincere regardless.]
.... I don't think one can always choose peace. It would be nice if we could. But to be unflinchingly kind to all, when you are in a position of power... it can invite others to take advantage of you, and then the people in your care are the ones who suffer for your indecision.
But I also think... as long as you can be both smart and intentional about how you maintain your peace - why not choose kindness?
Though that is a fine line to walk - and sometimes I... wonder if I lose sight of it.
Sometimes peace isn't that straightforward. Sometimes.. you have to make hard decisions in order for it to happen. Ending a war isn't just as simple as not fighting, or trying to make nice with everyone. It doesn't work like that.
[ kill! the fatherlord!!! ]
I don't think you do. You've got the instincts of a good leader.
[ dana i just realized we dont have a pc during emotionshare week and we need to fix that bc i want the soo-woo lore ]
[ they are vibing, though... wow. ]
Yeah. You want what's best for your world, and you're realistic about it. You're willing to put in the work, too.
[ this is followed by a humorless laugh... ]
I can't pick just one. But on the topic of war... the one that's been going on in my world has been going for a hundred years. And... it's my nation that started it, my family.
Prince Zuko, isn't it? Ah, though I wonder how much you care for that title... [though with that sentiment there carries some level of - understanding.]
.... and you consider that mistake to fall upon your shoulders, even though you are not the one who waged the war?
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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To begin, it was the four of us - but we were divided quickly. Xie Lian and I were brought to a room where we were expected to sit in these chairs. Words appeared and prompted us that an enemy attack was coming, and asked if we were prepared. Upon selecting yes, we were knocked unconscious.
While unconscious... we were - tested, I suppose you could say. Brought to remember moments that brought us fear, or hurt us emotionally. Little did we know that our consciousness was reflected in the monsters that Archer and Ochako were fighting elsewhere. Given that Ochako and Archer won in their battle, Xie Lian and I were defeated and I believe we died during our struggle.
However... the two others were able to revive us through the use of a serum - but the serum made us murderous. We tried to kill them, and could not be stopped until they killed us instead.
[and so soo-won died twice in one day. he's quiet for a moment]
Archer was prepared for that eventuality but I believe.... Ochako took it hard - and I put her in a position where she had to kill me, even though I accepted it. So I ask that you tread the topic lightly with her.
[somehow, he sounds more concerned for the girl who killed him than himself, but that's just expected of him, perhaps]
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[ zuko listens quietly to the whole story before responding, those his expression pretty clearly reflects his growing horror ]
[ by the end of it, he teaches out to touch soo-won's arm, as if to check if he's real and alive. ]
That's--- that can't be possible. You died... twice? But you're sitting right in front of me?
[ give him a minute he's still reeling ]
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soo-won respects to the touch, his expression warming a bit as if to offer comfort. he places a hand over zuko's and yes, he is indeed still steady and alive]
I am.
It's a bit surprising, isn't it? I didn't think that if I ever died, I would be able to come back from it - though I can't say that I'm complaining either.
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I'm not either! I just... don't understand how all of this is possible.
[ there's no denying the warmth of the hand, though. ]
Twice....
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Twice.
[look more bothered please, soo-won]
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[ zuko's more upset about soo-won dying than soo-won!! ]
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... well, I'm alive now.
[and somehow, that is enough for him. though his expression softens]
... I think I've thought about my own end a lot more than other people. When it came to me, either time... Well, maybe the first time I wasn't at peace with it. I was annoyed that apparently my heart had lost against the ordeals, even though it felt very unfair.
But... the second time - I'd never felt so murderous before, so bloodthirsty. Even if I've made choices in my life that are not grand or heroic... I'd never wanted to harm someone so badly. I thought that I would rather die, than live a life without compassion - a life not myself.
[ . . . ]
But I'm here instead, and I get to sit next to you - and for that, I'm grateful.
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[ the rest, though. ]
I don't understand what could have made you like that.... [ apparently, zuko isn't even going to consider that soo-won is like secretly super bloodthirsty or anything ] but I think... I get it. I'd rather die as myself than live as any twisted version of me, regardless of my mistakes.
[ he inhales slowly, closing his eyes. ]
I'm grateful, too. Don't die again.
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Mm, I don't plan on it. [and for that he sounds sincere] I'm sorry to have worried you...
Even though I think it's very nice of you to do so. But I promise that I'm fine. I may need some time to consider what happened a bit more but... I'll be alright.
[he'll pat zuko's hand at that, a gentle touch]
I'm myself now, and I'm happy for it.
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[ not to mention the loss of control and... everything else. but he won't push it further. if won says he's fine.... ]
Good. It should stay that way.
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In truth... I hope that you never have to. I hope that you only meet your end once, after a very long life, and it comes peacefully.
But - thank you, for your kindness.
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[ zuko shuffles a little here. ]
I'm not... that kind. I think you're kinder than I am. All you do is worry about other people.
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[there's a tilt of his head there]
I don't know if it's worth comparing.... people vary in terms of their ability to reach out to others, or understand them but I think -
You're putting in your best effort, aren't you?
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[ he does have a point about the comparison, he just thinks soo-won doesn't treat himself as nicely as he does everyone else. also, it's just weird to zuko to keep getting complimented on his kindness. ]
Besides, it took me so many mistakes before I even got this far.
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Then... how about this.
Shall we share our mistakes with each other?
And then we'll determine whether or not the credit is due or not. I promise I won't lie, or hold anything back if you don't.
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I've made a lot of them in my life. Are you sure you want to hear them?
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[and he just offers a smile, gentle but sincere]
... I'd like to get to know you better, if you'd let me. Whether that be the triumphs or the challenges -
I think everything matters.
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[ a beat. ]
Uh. Who goes first?
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... I once nearly answered an act of aggression with an act of aggression. Because I was faced against with malice and distrust, I thought that my only answer was to answer it with the same, even if it means that innocent people would get caught up in the battle. For that reason.... I consider it a failure.
Ultimately, a battle was avoided and negotiations began in their place, but I think -
[his expression turns ever so slightly shuttered, for just half a second, before he sighs and lets a hand run through his own hair]
... my preparations were lacking at that time. I'll have to learn from it, so I don't accept bloodshed as a necessity even during wartime. It was likely an excuse.
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[ honestly, the description resonates with him, even if their experiences aren't entirely compatible. but if zuko understands anything, it's answering aggression with aggression. he spent so much of his banished time doing that, thinking that his father would love and respect him if he proved himself..... ]
It can be hard. To change your entire way of thinking... or approach, especially during war. There's a war going on in my world, too. So I think I know what you mean.
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he offers up a small smile to zuko, one of understanding. it lacks the same light that soo-won normally carries, but it's sincere regardless.]
.... I don't think one can always choose peace. It would be nice if we could. But to be unflinchingly kind to all, when you are in a position of power... it can invite others to take advantage of you, and then the people in your care are the ones who suffer for your indecision.
But I also think... as long as you can be both smart and intentional about how you maintain your peace - why not choose kindness?
Though that is a fine line to walk - and sometimes I... wonder if I lose sight of it.
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[ kill! the fatherlord!!! ]
I don't think you do. You've got the instincts of a good leader.
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THE WAY THEY'RE VIBING OVER THIS
but soo-won will nod along with that - before laughing a bit sheepishly]
.... do I? It makes me happy that you might think so.
Then... if you have a mistake you'd like me to share your burden with....
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[ they are vibing, though... wow. ]
Yeah. You want what's best for your world, and you're realistic about it. You're willing to put in the work, too.
[ this is followed by a humorless laugh... ]
I can't pick just one. But on the topic of war... the one that's been going on in my world has been going for a hundred years. And... it's my nation that started it, my family.
[ fire nation music plays in the bg ok no ]
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Prince Zuko, isn't it? Ah, though I wonder how much you care for that title... [though with that sentiment there carries some level of - understanding.]
.... and you consider that mistake to fall upon your shoulders, even though you are not the one who waged the war?
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