[zuko is upset and - soo-won looks a little bit touched at that]
... well, I'm alive now.
[and somehow, that is enough for him. though his expression softens]
... I think I've thought about my own end a lot more than other people. When it came to me, either time... Well, maybe the first time I wasn't at peace with it. I was annoyed that apparently my heart had lost against the ordeals, even though it felt very unfair.
But... the second time - I'd never felt so murderous before, so bloodthirsty. Even if I've made choices in my life that are not grand or heroic... I'd never wanted to harm someone so badly. I thought that I would rather die, than live a life without compassion - a life not myself.
[ . . . ]
But I'm here instead, and I get to sit next to you - and for that, I'm grateful.
[ it's not as if zuko hasn't been at death's door many, many, many times in his life. he could never claim to be at peace about it, even in his most hopeless states. there was always a part of him that was too angry to ever give up, no matter what. that he can't relate to. ]
[ the rest, though. ]
I don't understand what could have made you like that.... [ apparently, zuko isn't even going to consider that soo-won is like secretly super bloodthirsty or anything ] but I think... I get it. I'd rather die as myself than live as any twisted version of me, regardless of my mistakes.
Mm, I don't plan on it. [and for that he sounds sincere] I'm sorry to have worried you...
Even though I think it's very nice of you to do so. But I promise that I'm fine. I may need some time to consider what happened a bit more but... I'll be alright.
... Yeah... I am... I just think you all are giving me too much credit.
[ he does have a point about the comparison, he just thinks soo-won doesn't treat himself as nicely as he does everyone else. also, it's just weird to zuko to keep getting complimented on his kindness. ]
Besides, it took me so many mistakes before I even got this far.
... I once nearly answered an act of aggression with an act of aggression. Because I was faced against with malice and distrust, I thought that my only answer was to answer it with the same, even if it means that innocent people would get caught up in the battle. For that reason.... I consider it a failure.
Ultimately, a battle was avoided and negotiations began in their place, but I think -
[his expression turns ever so slightly shuttered, for just half a second, before he sighs and lets a hand run through his own hair]
... my preparations were lacking at that time. I'll have to learn from it, so I don't accept bloodshed as a necessity even during wartime. It was likely an excuse.
[ honestly, the description resonates with him, even if their experiences aren't entirely compatible. but if zuko understands anything, it's answering aggression with aggression. he spent so much of his banished time doing that, thinking that his father would love and respect him if he proved himself..... ]
It can be hard. To change your entire way of thinking... or approach, especially during war. There's a war going on in my world, too. So I think I know what you mean.
[ . . . he nods at that, slowly. it's hard for him to admit, in all honesty. because he merely acted in accordance with all his books on strategy and military warfare. he thinks that things still would've gone down the path of bloodshed if yona hadn't—
he offers up a small smile to zuko, one of understanding. it lacks the same light that soo-won normally carries, but it's sincere regardless.]
.... I don't think one can always choose peace. It would be nice if we could. But to be unflinchingly kind to all, when you are in a position of power... it can invite others to take advantage of you, and then the people in your care are the ones who suffer for your indecision.
But I also think... as long as you can be both smart and intentional about how you maintain your peace - why not choose kindness?
Though that is a fine line to walk - and sometimes I... wonder if I lose sight of it.
Sometimes peace isn't that straightforward. Sometimes.. you have to make hard decisions in order for it to happen. Ending a war isn't just as simple as not fighting, or trying to make nice with everyone. It doesn't work like that.
[ kill! the fatherlord!!! ]
I don't think you do. You've got the instincts of a good leader.
[ dana i just realized we dont have a pc during emotionshare week and we need to fix that bc i want the soo-woo lore ]
[ they are vibing, though... wow. ]
Yeah. You want what's best for your world, and you're realistic about it. You're willing to put in the work, too.
[ this is followed by a humorless laugh... ]
I can't pick just one. But on the topic of war... the one that's been going on in my world has been going for a hundred years. And... it's my nation that started it, my family.
Prince Zuko, isn't it? Ah, though I wonder how much you care for that title... [though with that sentiment there carries some level of - understanding.]
.... and you consider that mistake to fall upon your shoulders, even though you are not the one who waged the war?
... You can use it, if you want, but I'm not much of a prince at the moment. The whole country thinks I'm a traitor right now.
[ .... ]
It's complicated... but I was a part of it. Growing up, I was taught that the Fire Nation was the greatest civilization in history, and somehow, the war was our way of sharing our greatness with the rest of the world. Even when I saw firsthand the cruelties my country was inflicting on others... it took me years to realize the truth.
[ . . . . he listens and - oddly enough, it makes him think.]
.... if it's the way that you're taught, perhaps it can't be helped. Perhaps it's a bit ironic... The Fire Tribe in my lands - due to the lack of climate suitable for agriculture as well as no viable exports.... they opted to put all of their interest in military strength. Until the day that they conspired with foreign generals, and tried to forcibly take the throne because they thought it was in their birthright to do so.
[ . . . ]
You've realized, and I'm glad for it. I think... with that insight and that compassion, you'll be able to steer your home into a new direction that is more peaceful.
The General of the Fire Tribe is currently learning politics and agriculture methods at the capitol because he's the same - hoping to atone for what his father had done, and trying to improve upon his methods of governance.
Even if the process may seem slow.. I think there is strength in the steps you take.
It could be helped. Even when I saw it for myself, all I cared about was chasing after my father's love and acceptance. I thought it was my honor that I wanted, but really, I just wanted to please him. When I finally had his acceptance... that's when I really realized how wrong it all was.
[ everything changed when the fire tribe attacked.... zuko smiles at that, but without any real humor. ]
Yeah, that sounds about right.
[ nice to know some things are consistent. ]
The only way for me to restore the honor of the Fire Nation is to help the Avatar end the war. So.. that's what I'm doing.
[ soo-won gets a little more context on his plans from before!! ]
the idea of chasing after your father's love and acceptance. soo-won always had his. and while he thinks that his world view was never truly narrow, he can't help but wonder about that. the idea of just wanting to uphold his father's legacy...
. . . he offers up a bit of a smile, even if it's tinged with sadness.]
Mm. I see. That is your retribution, to help heal the world that your family harmed.
That's admirable, Zuko.
I'm glad that someone like you exists in your world.
[ it's not the first time he's heard such a kind and heartfelt comment from won, but now that he's shared some of his history.... there's a weight to it. he's simultaneously incredibly touched and incredibly undeserving. ]
It's.... not just me. My Uncle was the one who stood by me the whole time, who helped me get on the right path, after every single mistake I made in my life. If not for him, I wouldn't be that someone.
He's the one who was the real father to me. If not for him, I wouldn't exist... at least, not the way I am now.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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[ zuko's more upset about soo-won dying than soo-won!! ]
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... well, I'm alive now.
[and somehow, that is enough for him. though his expression softens]
... I think I've thought about my own end a lot more than other people. When it came to me, either time... Well, maybe the first time I wasn't at peace with it. I was annoyed that apparently my heart had lost against the ordeals, even though it felt very unfair.
But... the second time - I'd never felt so murderous before, so bloodthirsty. Even if I've made choices in my life that are not grand or heroic... I'd never wanted to harm someone so badly. I thought that I would rather die, than live a life without compassion - a life not myself.
[ . . . ]
But I'm here instead, and I get to sit next to you - and for that, I'm grateful.
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[ the rest, though. ]
I don't understand what could have made you like that.... [ apparently, zuko isn't even going to consider that soo-won is like secretly super bloodthirsty or anything ] but I think... I get it. I'd rather die as myself than live as any twisted version of me, regardless of my mistakes.
[ he inhales slowly, closing his eyes. ]
I'm grateful, too. Don't die again.
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Mm, I don't plan on it. [and for that he sounds sincere] I'm sorry to have worried you...
Even though I think it's very nice of you to do so. But I promise that I'm fine. I may need some time to consider what happened a bit more but... I'll be alright.
[he'll pat zuko's hand at that, a gentle touch]
I'm myself now, and I'm happy for it.
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[ not to mention the loss of control and... everything else. but he won't push it further. if won says he's fine.... ]
Good. It should stay that way.
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In truth... I hope that you never have to. I hope that you only meet your end once, after a very long life, and it comes peacefully.
But - thank you, for your kindness.
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[ zuko shuffles a little here. ]
I'm not... that kind. I think you're kinder than I am. All you do is worry about other people.
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[there's a tilt of his head there]
I don't know if it's worth comparing.... people vary in terms of their ability to reach out to others, or understand them but I think -
You're putting in your best effort, aren't you?
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[ he does have a point about the comparison, he just thinks soo-won doesn't treat himself as nicely as he does everyone else. also, it's just weird to zuko to keep getting complimented on his kindness. ]
Besides, it took me so many mistakes before I even got this far.
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Then... how about this.
Shall we share our mistakes with each other?
And then we'll determine whether or not the credit is due or not. I promise I won't lie, or hold anything back if you don't.
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I've made a lot of them in my life. Are you sure you want to hear them?
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[and he just offers a smile, gentle but sincere]
... I'd like to get to know you better, if you'd let me. Whether that be the triumphs or the challenges -
I think everything matters.
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[ a beat. ]
Uh. Who goes first?
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... I once nearly answered an act of aggression with an act of aggression. Because I was faced against with malice and distrust, I thought that my only answer was to answer it with the same, even if it means that innocent people would get caught up in the battle. For that reason.... I consider it a failure.
Ultimately, a battle was avoided and negotiations began in their place, but I think -
[his expression turns ever so slightly shuttered, for just half a second, before he sighs and lets a hand run through his own hair]
... my preparations were lacking at that time. I'll have to learn from it, so I don't accept bloodshed as a necessity even during wartime. It was likely an excuse.
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[ honestly, the description resonates with him, even if their experiences aren't entirely compatible. but if zuko understands anything, it's answering aggression with aggression. he spent so much of his banished time doing that, thinking that his father would love and respect him if he proved himself..... ]
It can be hard. To change your entire way of thinking... or approach, especially during war. There's a war going on in my world, too. So I think I know what you mean.
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he offers up a small smile to zuko, one of understanding. it lacks the same light that soo-won normally carries, but it's sincere regardless.]
.... I don't think one can always choose peace. It would be nice if we could. But to be unflinchingly kind to all, when you are in a position of power... it can invite others to take advantage of you, and then the people in your care are the ones who suffer for your indecision.
But I also think... as long as you can be both smart and intentional about how you maintain your peace - why not choose kindness?
Though that is a fine line to walk - and sometimes I... wonder if I lose sight of it.
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[ kill! the fatherlord!!! ]
I don't think you do. You've got the instincts of a good leader.
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THE WAY THEY'RE VIBING OVER THIS
but soo-won will nod along with that - before laughing a bit sheepishly]
.... do I? It makes me happy that you might think so.
Then... if you have a mistake you'd like me to share your burden with....
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[ they are vibing, though... wow. ]
Yeah. You want what's best for your world, and you're realistic about it. You're willing to put in the work, too.
[ this is followed by a humorless laugh... ]
I can't pick just one. But on the topic of war... the one that's been going on in my world has been going for a hundred years. And... it's my nation that started it, my family.
[ fire nation music plays in the bg ok no ]
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Prince Zuko, isn't it? Ah, though I wonder how much you care for that title... [though with that sentiment there carries some level of - understanding.]
.... and you consider that mistake to fall upon your shoulders, even though you are not the one who waged the war?
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[ .... ]
It's complicated... but I was a part of it. Growing up, I was taught that the Fire Nation was the greatest civilization in history, and somehow, the war was our way of sharing our greatness with the rest of the world. Even when I saw firsthand the cruelties my country was inflicting on others... it took me years to realize the truth.
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.... if it's the way that you're taught, perhaps it can't be helped. Perhaps it's a bit ironic... The Fire Tribe in my lands - due to the lack of climate suitable for agriculture as well as no viable exports.... they opted to put all of their interest in military strength. Until the day that they conspired with foreign generals, and tried to forcibly take the throne because they thought it was in their birthright to do so.
[ . . . ]
You've realized, and I'm glad for it. I think... with that insight and that compassion, you'll be able to steer your home into a new direction that is more peaceful.
The General of the Fire Tribe is currently learning politics and agriculture methods at the capitol because he's the same - hoping to atone for what his father had done, and trying to improve upon his methods of governance.
Even if the process may seem slow.. I think there is strength in the steps you take.
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[ everything changed when the fire tribe attacked.... zuko smiles at that, but without any real humor. ]
Yeah, that sounds about right.
[ nice to know some things are consistent. ]
The only way for me to restore the honor of the Fire Nation is to help the Avatar end the war. So.. that's what I'm doing.
[ soo-won gets a little more context on his plans from before!! ]
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sits with him a little strongly.
the idea of chasing after your father's love and acceptance. soo-won always had his. and while he thinks that his world view was never truly narrow, he can't help but wonder about that. the idea of just wanting to uphold his father's legacy...
. . . he offers up a bit of a smile, even if it's tinged with sadness.]
Mm. I see. That is your retribution, to help heal the world that your family harmed.
That's admirable, Zuko.
I'm glad that someone like you exists in your world.
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It's.... not just me. My Uncle was the one who stood by me the whole time, who helped me get on the right path, after every single mistake I made in my life. If not for him, I wouldn't be that someone.
He's the one who was the real father to me. If not for him, I wouldn't exist... at least, not the way I am now.
[ his voice is a little thick ]
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