[ . . . . . . he brings a hand up to run through his own hair, a bit displeased with the state of himself. he looks away as though he's trying to puzzle through an answer that he can live with giving.
even now, he seems a bit pale, a bit weak but - at least temporarily, no longer in blinding pain.]
I've never seen a headache that bad. [ he frowns!! clearly not buying it. he doesn't hover awkwardly or anything, but he is watching soo-won closely. ]
[ . . . . this is such a difficult matter to address. he sighs a little bit even as he moves to lay down on their kigu pile, expression still thoughtful.
before he glances back up at zuko.]
My mother's health has always been frail. I must have inherited it from her - being in a stressful situation such as this... perhaps it takes more out of me than I expected.
[it's
closer to the truth, perhaps but. can a king who addresses multiple warfronts truly be knocked down by something like this?]
[ . . . . . well. he lets his arm fall over his eyes then, tired.]
.... the health of the king is the closest kept secret in all of the kingdom, no? For as much as one can be able to maintain it.... it invites too much chaos from outside lands if there is even a sliver of doubt as to whether or not the reigning monarch is able to rule.
[ . . . ]
I've never been able to understand those who would rely on gods, who would be sure that they would come to save the country, when everyone else would suffer and fall to ruin.
My mother's family.... they hid themselves away for so long, trying to protect their blood - the descendants of the Crimson Dragon King. They believed that one day, this blood would mean something.
.... but all it means is short lifespans and frail bodies.
If people are looking to kill here - they would aim first for the person who has little time to begin with.
But I can't allow that. [he shifts then, moving his arm so that he can look up at zuko] .... so perhaps I am trusting you now - that you have no intention on taking what remains of my life.
[ he's heard about this from yona, a little. the legend part, at least. the rest of it, though..... ]
It's not just here. Usurpers always exist.... if people knew, you'd be at risk.
[ he's royalty. he gets it. and it's certainly not a secret he'd begrudge soo-won for keeping. it also makes sense -- the way he presents himself, the strong front -- there can't be even one crack in his armor, or he'd be at risk. ]
[ zuko's already seated, but he bows, one hand over a fist. ]
Thank you for trusting me. I swear I won't betray that trust.
[ . . . . the bow manages to make soo-won huff out a laugh, even tired as he is. it pulls a faint, weak smile from him as the corner of his mouth turns upward]
... then I'll be counting on you.
Today was... the first time that I've felt quite so weary during the day - but the attacks aren't that frequent, really.
So it's nothing to worry over.
[he says, after admitting that he's more or less -
[ . . . . everyone keeps telling him this. it manages to get him to turn a bit more somber.]
.... it's nothing you need to provide cover over. I already told people that it... is more likely that I just overextended myself this week, given my injuries.
They haven't questioned my tiredness further than that.
[ . . . . he just hums thoughtfully at that, looking like he's trying to concoct an explanation]
... any time it gets too much to bear - I try to go to the forest. Tonight... it was too far, so I came here - where there would at least be less people to witness it.
Otherwise... I hope to not collapse in public.
[trial was apparently him trying to keep it together for an entire day]
You've got to have a better plan than that, Soo-Won.
[ grumbles!!! alone in the forest. ]
Maybe we should have some kind of... signal. So we can leave together... even if we won't be in the same room next week. That way, I can make sure you get somewhere safe and private.
but soo-won just.... looks somewhere between tired, amused, and fond at that. it's a little harder to control his expression and lock it away even as he looks up at zuko.]
.... you're already doing far more than I deserve.
[ . . . . . but this - isn't a mistake. it's not something that he can admit to calling a mistake, because it would mean that his entire life was preparing for a mistake. he closes his eyes as he lays on the kigurumi and is quiet for a few long moments, almost as if he escaped into sleep before zuko could pull the truth out of him, but.]
.... the previous king - was Yona's father, my uncle. I don't... remember what happened to him, who took his life, but I know that....
[ . . . ]
Since my father was murdered... Since someone told me that Il was relying on Yona as the reincarnation of King Hiryuu to defend our country....
I waited... ten years. In hopes that he would change his mind, that he could... improve his rule. I loved him, I know that, but.... I wanted him to realize that to always choose peace.... means that others will take advantage of you, and the people would suffer for the crown's choices.
But I.... Someone killed him - and I'm sure that I knew of it, because they... wanted me to rule as king. Even though I knew what it meant for Yona, for Hak...
[and his voice - tired as it is, sounds so painfully sad, so heartbroken. so aware of the choice that he made and yet.]
How can I claim to be a good person? When I know the things I have done, and the decisions I've made?
[and hurt the people he loves - for the sake of a kingdom that he also loves?]
[ zuko's eyes widen as he listens to this. from what he's saying... it must have been him. and frankly? that's not unexpected, with royalty. he knows his mother killed his grandfather to keep zuko alive, and that he might have to kill azula to take the throne. ]
[ and it's hard to digest, given how close they are. how much they care about each other, how much they rely on each other. ]
You....
[ and yona as the reincarnation of the dragon king? but wasn't soo-won the one with the bloodline? ]
[ and then there's the talk of peace. peace in of itself isn't bad, it's the goal, it's what he wants for the fire nation and the world, but if that peace just brings more suffering in the end.... ]
[ .... ]
There was... no other way? He couldn't be reasoned with?
.... I don't remember much about my mother anymore, thanks to this place. But I know... that she wrote a memoir, and sent it to him. I read his response to her as well.
[ . . . . he closes his eyes then and - he looks a little pained, but perhaps this time not from illness.]
That man.... knew he would fail to meet my expectations, and thought that his only duty was to keep Yona safe. And yet he admitted himself that he did not know how to speak to me....
And so... he would never accept me.
[Do I give off an unpleasant feeling? he'd asked his mother, after he'd heard Il describe him that way.]
.... but if you choose one person's safety over the country -
How many more will suffer? I love Yona, too. Hak. The previous king.
But... Hiryuu Castle was the only place that held happiness in the kingdom. How... could anyone accept that?
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
even now, he seems a bit pale, a bit weak but - at least temporarily, no longer in blinding pain.]
.... a - rather difficult headache.
[even if that doesn't seem like the whole story.]
no subject
Did someone use an item on you or anything?
[ or..... is it something he already had? ]
no subject
[ . . . . this is such a difficult matter to address. he sighs a little bit even as he moves to lay down on their kigu pile, expression still thoughtful.
before he glances back up at zuko.]
My mother's health has always been frail. I must have inherited it from her - being in a stressful situation such as this... perhaps it takes more out of me than I expected.
[it's
closer to the truth, perhaps but. can a king who addresses multiple warfronts truly be knocked down by something like this?]
no subject
I think the stress of all of this is enough to knock anyone out, but...
[ he frowns. ]
Is it some kind of sickness?
no subject
he closes his eyes at that, if only so that he doesn't have to face zuko. the expression on his face is one that can only be called... difficult.]
.... you have to swear to me that you won't breathe a word of this to anyone.
no subject
I won't. Not even Yona.
[ he heard him, before... don't tell yona. ]
[ it's funny, though. they seem so close, and yet not even yona knows about this? he must really play it close to the chest. ]
no subject
.... the health of the king is the closest kept secret in all of the kingdom, no? For as much as one can be able to maintain it.... it invites too much chaos from outside lands if there is even a sliver of doubt as to whether or not the reigning monarch is able to rule.
[ . . . ]
I've never been able to understand those who would rely on gods, who would be sure that they would come to save the country, when everyone else would suffer and fall to ruin.
My mother's family.... they hid themselves away for so long, trying to protect their blood - the descendants of the Crimson Dragon King. They believed that one day, this blood would mean something.
.... but all it means is short lifespans and frail bodies.
If people are looking to kill here - they would aim first for the person who has little time to begin with.
But I can't allow that. [he shifts then, moving his arm so that he can look up at zuko] .... so perhaps I am trusting you now - that you have no intention on taking what remains of my life.
no subject
It's not just here. Usurpers always exist.... if people knew, you'd be at risk.
[ he's royalty. he gets it. and it's certainly not a secret he'd begrudge soo-won for keeping. it also makes sense -- the way he presents himself, the strong front -- there can't be even one crack in his armor, or he'd be at risk. ]
[ zuko's already seated, but he bows, one hand over a fist. ]
Thank you for trusting me. I swear I won't betray that trust.
no subject
... then I'll be counting on you.
Today was... the first time that I've felt quite so weary during the day - but the attacks aren't that frequent, really.
So it's nothing to worry over.
[he says, after admitting that he's more or less -
well, cursed.]
no subject
You're not going to get me to stop worrying just by saying "don't worry", so don't even try.
[ giving him a look!! ]
Just tell me what I can do to help, Soo-Won. And... if you want me to cover for you, let's come up with something.
no subject
.... it's nothing you need to provide cover over. I already told people that it... is more likely that I just overextended myself this week, given my injuries.
They haven't questioned my tiredness further than that.
So... it should be alright.
no subject
You're lying on the ground right now. What if it gets worse? Or happens again?
[ he knows people around here aren't the most observant but if he collapses, well, they're gonna question that ]
no subject
... any time it gets too much to bear - I try to go to the forest. Tonight... it was too far, so I came here - where there would at least be less people to witness it.
Otherwise... I hope to not collapse in public.
[trial was apparently him trying to keep it together for an entire day]
no subject
[ grumbles!!! alone in the forest. ]
Maybe we should have some kind of... signal. So we can leave together... even if we won't be in the same room next week. That way, I can make sure you get somewhere safe and private.
no subject
he goes alone in the forest
it's really sad and pathetic and funny]
You worry too much...
[ . . . ]
If you insist - I'll ask you if you want to feed Gulfan with me.
no subject
[ binch!! but it's an affectionate tsun kind of way. ]
....Yeah, that works. I'll make sure to keep blankets and painkillers and water around.... anything else I should do?
[ i hope this happens and people think they're running off to make out ]
no subject
but soo-won just.... looks somewhere between tired, amused, and fond at that. it's a little harder to control his expression and lock it away even as he looks up at zuko.]
.... you're already doing far more than I deserve.
Thank you.... for this. And - I'm sorry.
no subject
[ zuko is easier to read -- exasperated, worried, fond. ]
Don't apologize. It's the least I can do.
no subject
[he'll admit that, because he's tired. because at this point it's easier to admit to just about anything.]
I wonder when you'll choose to change your mind about me.
no subject
no subject
is it just about sharon?
he falls quiet at that.]
No, I....
[he pauses, frowning.]
.... it's difficult, to want to admit to. I feel as though you deserve to know and yet....
[he's so sure that zuko will leave.
but isn't that what soo-won deserves too?]
no subject
You can tell me.
[ he'll listen. ]
no subject
.... the previous king - was Yona's father, my uncle. I don't... remember what happened to him, who took his life, but I know that....
[ . . . ]
Since my father was murdered... Since someone told me that Il was relying on Yona as the reincarnation of King Hiryuu to defend our country....
I waited... ten years. In hopes that he would change his mind, that he could... improve his rule. I loved him, I know that, but.... I wanted him to realize that to always choose peace.... means that others will take advantage of you, and the people would suffer for the crown's choices.
But I.... Someone killed him - and I'm sure that I knew of it, because they... wanted me to rule as king. Even though I knew what it meant for Yona, for Hak...
[and his voice - tired as it is, sounds so painfully sad, so heartbroken. so aware of the choice that he made and yet.]
How can I claim to be a good person? When I know the things I have done, and the decisions I've made?
[and hurt the people he loves - for the sake of a kingdom that he also loves?]
no subject
[ and it's hard to digest, given how close they are. how much they care about each other, how much they rely on each other. ]
You....
[ and yona as the reincarnation of the dragon king? but wasn't soo-won the one with the bloodline? ]
[ and then there's the talk of peace. peace in of itself isn't bad, it's the goal, it's what he wants for the fire nation and the world, but if that peace just brings more suffering in the end.... ]
[ .... ]
There was... no other way? He couldn't be reasoned with?
no subject
[ . . . . he closes his eyes then and - he looks a little pained, but perhaps this time not from illness.]
That man.... knew he would fail to meet my expectations, and thought that his only duty was to keep Yona safe. And yet he admitted himself that he did not know how to speak to me....
And so... he would never accept me.
[Do I give off an unpleasant feeling? he'd asked his mother, after he'd heard Il describe him that way.]
.... but if you choose one person's safety over the country -
How many more will suffer? I love Yona, too. Hak. The previous king.
But... Hiryuu Castle was the only place that held happiness in the kingdom. How... could anyone accept that?
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)