(or rather, maybe some lines weren't meant to land at all. maybe it's easier, if people expect just a little bit less from soo-won. it's nearing the end, after all.)
but he'll just shake his head at that, and reach out to place his hand over hansa's if allowed.]
I wish for your happiness, my friend.
You're too vibrant to be kept to one agreement or responsibility.
[He's allowed to, but there's still a sort of...simmering feeling, akin to frustration, in his expression.]
I know that. And I know that's...what you hope for. [And he grumbles.] I just don't want you to feel that I stick with you because of some kind of "responsibility", you know? Like, who do you think I am?
Probably... someone who keeps your word as much as you can. But the bodyguard thing isn't working out, right? So consider the position relinquished and absolved.
[and even that, soo-won thinks came from a place of responsibility - of stubbornness, even though he'd told hansa again and again that he needn't stay.
but now he doesn't feel like staying.]
But I do think that you care for me - and I do think that we're friends, more than anything else.
[This...isn't what he expected, when he came here to talk to Won like this. Of course, he had felt bad, and wanted to make amends, but this is like Soo-won just instantly jumping to throw the baby out with the bathwater.]
[He stares at Won for a long moment, as if trying to understand that what he was hearing was right.]
I just came here to...apologize for not being able to be there for you during these nights as a bodyguard, I'm not...what are you doing?
And I'd said that there's nothing to apologize for. It doesn't particularly matter to me, as long as you're content with your decision.
[he tilts his head.]
But I'm trying to eliminate the problem, because you think that there's something to feel guilty over. So why not persist only as friends, rather than have you feel the need to watch over my safety as an official duty?
[so why not absolve a position that soo-won can't even remember why he asked for?]
[Honestly, a part of him would've been fine with something like that decision. Just leave that role behind, and move on. But the way Soo-won is going about it rubs him like sandpaper over skin. It feels like Won's tied something else to that decision - a level of trust, or something akin to it, and its going to go away if he simply goes ahead with it.]
If you're doing this simply to make me feel better, then stop. I don't want it. Stop making decisions for me.
[ . . . . he just sighs a little bit at that then, bringing his own hand back to sip at his tea. there's a slight furrow in his brow, the first sign of displeasure.]
... very well, then.
What would you suggest? I don't want you to carry anything heavy with you, when I'm neither offended nor bothered.
I came to you because I just...wanted to share my feelings. That's it. Just, "hey, haha, look at me, going to be with others for this curfew rather than you, I feel kind of bad that I can't look after you". You took it as some kind of statement that I'm just...cutting ties with you, or something.
[And then a long pause. Yeah, he knows he's changing his tune from before, but now he feels like he's wandered into unknown territory, and wants to retract it. He turns to Won, but this time, the bitterness has faded, his tone just...one of sorrow.]
If the loss of your memories has made you like this...well. Nothing I can fix. But I don't want you jumping to conclusions, or just immediately putting your foot down on something like this just to solve it. Come on. I'm just holding out a hand, don't bring a hammer down to smash it. Feeling a little bad not "something heavy". Its just...me being human.
you decide who you will stand with, and who you will leave. soo-won is comfortable living on the fringes of people's lives, because he expects no loyalty or duty to him. it was not a lie when he told hansa that he never expected him to stay - but he didn't mean for it to hurt either.
it was just a truth.
similar to how hansa has people who need him more than soo-won does, and he will choose to go with them on thursdays. he is neither offended nor bothered, he is accepting it as an inevitability. and if there was a way to make it so that hansa didn't feel guilty over being torn between two different directions -
why not just make one choice far less appealing than the other? wouldn't it be simpler, if such a break happened on soo-won's terms, and happened cleanly, rather than this? this stubbornness. but hansa is right - that's part of being human.
and soo-won likes that part of him, too. it just feels inconvenient, at the moment.]
no, he can't manage that level of honesty. no matter his tiredness, no matter his exhaustion, no matter everything else that weighs on him in this moment -
he runs a hand through his own hair.]
... my apologies then, for making it a bigger affair than you intended.
[And the wolf at Won's feet shifts up, and she reaches forward-]
[Only to clamp her jaws around Won's ankle. Lightly, though, like a gentle loving play bite, definitely not hard to break skin. Hansa's own look is tired, but there's something slightly sharp in his gaze, like Soo-won has pulled back the rug to find spines underneath.]
...You know, its kind of interesting. Before I got involved with those three, I...didn't expect things to work out, in any fashion. I had my own assumptions, and I brought them to the table, and let them cloud my mind. But Emet-Selch, he decided to have a meeting, and talk clearly. Let nothing behind remain unspoken. And I realized how...refreshing that was. To just say what you meant, without any misconceptions, or doubts, or things under the surface.
[The wolf releases her grip, letting out a grumble as she moves to sit between the both of them. Hansa reaches out to put his hand on the other's hand, and give it a squeeze.]
I'm not saying you need to be an open book with me. And I'm not exactly an open book, either. But I think it would be nice to hear what you're thinking in that head of yours sometimes. You've got the world on your shoulders. There's no need to dress it up in nice official language, or dissect it like you're brokering a deal.
[A long, long pause.]
...But I'm asking too much from you, now. I know that. I just want to let you know that...I have an ear to spare. And its not here to be used for judgement. You're my friend. I like to hear what you say.
he startles at the bite - before realizing that it's more of a playful bite than anything. he listens to hansa thoughtfully at that - and he can't help but feel a bit amused at the thought of emet-selch being able to speak that clearly to people.]
the hand under hansa's tenses briefly a bit and the daemon at soo-won's shoulder shifts finally, as if moving to look at hansa with scrutinizing, thoughtful eyes.
after a long pause, soo-won speaks.]
... tonight, I've been tasked with removing Yona from the Realm, because she will be splintering. I will not be able to say another word about it until after Saturday.
I told Zuko, and he was unhappy with me. It's nothing I didn't anticipate, because I know how much he cares for her. He thought at first that I was lying... and I suppose I don't particularly care if he thought so, if that would be easier for him to live with. But someone said something to him - and instead he started to tear up, and tell me that it doesn't have to be me.
But that is wrong. It has to be me, because I have responsibilities to save the people I can.
[a beat]
I grow weary - of people becoming upset because they care for my well-being. I don't care for it, because I am not the person suffering the most from my own actions.
[he is not selfless and even if he is in pain, what right does he have to complain, as someone who volunteered for all of it?
so he's tired.
of zuko wanting to spare soo-won from having to kill someone that he loves. of blanca and hansa scolding him for going off on his own, even though he thought his decision was the right one for lup and blanca's relationship. of hansa feeling guilty for choosing those he loves over being at soo-won's side for one night.
so it would be simpler.
to be left behind, to be scorned, to be liked less.]
I will be alright, no matter what you all think of me.
So it would be for the better, if you all could be happier apart from me. [he turns his hand in hansa's, holding onto it gently.] Because you are important to me, and I hope for your happiness.
[I've been tasked with removing Yona from the Realm, because she will be splintering.]
[The rest seems like a blur after that - he can hear it all, but it isn't processing just yet, that single sentence hanging like a shroud. Soo-won already killed, once, out of self defense. He already had to go through this. But this time, it isn't self defense. Its just done on an order. Go and kill. And Yona...Yona, god, Yona, his childhood friend, he already killed her father, and now...]
[He doesn't know what to feel. Anger, sorrow, desperation, to pull Soo-won back from the brink. To put something between him and this dreadful task, to save him from the inevitable. But unlike with Emet-Selch, there's no miracle waiting. Just a trial tomorrow, and sure, he could step forward, he could skew the results, but its not self defense this time, its not, and...]
Won, I...
[He blinks. He feels something wet in his eye. He doesn't feel like wiping it away. Instead, he just lets out a low huff, a bitter smile on his face.]
I've been a pretty bad bodyguard, haven't I...?
[Its meant to be a joke. That "haha, I couldn't save you from this". That "haha, I stepped to the side, and now you're here". That "haha, now I can't do anything."]
But here you are, making decisions again for everyone else.
[His breath shudders out of his body. He still feels like he's reeling. The wave is about to tip him off the boat. T̶h̸e̶ ̵h̸e̸a̶d̸y̶ ̵h̶e̴a̴t̸ ̸f̶r̷o̵m̶ ̷t̸h̵e̵ ̸b̵u̸r̷n̶i̴n̶g̶ ̷o̴f̶ ̵h̶i̴s̷ ̵v̵i̴l̸l̵a̴g̴e̴ ̷h̴a̵n̷g̵s̶ ̸h̴e̸a̶v̵y̵ ̴i̸n̴ ̵t̴h̵e̷ ̴a̶i̷r̷ ̶a̸s̸ ̵h̶e̶ ̵r̶u̶n̷s̸,̵ ̴h̵i̵s̷ ̸w̷o̵r̷l̵d̶,̶ ̴d̷e̸s̸t̸r̸o̷y̵e̵d̵.̶.̶.̶ hm? Something...something came to mind, and disappeared like a flame. Hansa shakes his head.]
Ah, Won, when will you ever learn that...turning yourself into the villain of the story serves no one at all?
the sorrow, the pain, the suffering that hansa is suffering secondhand, because of him. soo-won has seen it before. when he chose to take action against yona's father, he knew the pain that it would cause his closest friends, who could never forgive him. he'd seen the way that loving soo-won too much could leave people broken, betrayed, and in so much pain that they feel nothing but their rage.
it would be nice - if no one ever cared about him that much ever again, when he is not in a position that he can promise anyone a life without suffering.]
.... I don't really believe it's as simple as that. Villains and heroes, good and bad, right and wrong... People like to use those words here... but I think that all we have are decisions that we must live with.
I could live with myself - if I lost you.
If Blanca decided to quit. If Zuko decides that he hates me. If Yona never wanted to speak to me again. If everyone in this Realm chose to give up on me, and condemn me, I would accept it.
I only want to live, with the time that I have, and make choices that let the people around me have a chance at happiness.
[but knowing soo-won doesn't lead to happiness. knowing all the choices that he makes, with the circumstances that he's been dealt, whether it's being tasked with killing everyone he loves or having a pitifully short life.... it is one of the few things that he can protect people from.
knowing him enough that his story hurts them.
how could that be a life worth living?]
It's harder to live with myself - knowing that I did not at least try to save people [from me], even if it means making decisions for them.
[even if it means encouraging them to leave him alone, no matter how much he wants them to stay.]
[His mouth widens into a grin, and he looks more like a wolf than the wolf next to him, momentarily.]
You are such an idiot.
[And a laugh. Its hard, to pull himself out of the sudden chaos of emotion in his chest. But he does, for a moment, to take a quick breath so he won't drown.]
Your choices are only that. Your choices. We all make choices that make people love us, or hate us, or do something in between. But you don't live in a vacuum, Won. People won't just act the way you want them to. Its not as if you can say "hey, I'll make Hansa hate me, and eventually that will be good for his happiness". Who even thinks like that?
[And he laughs. And he laughs. And he buries his head in his hand, and he laughs.]
No man is an island, Won. [He says, finally calming down.] And you can't save me from my own emotions, or anyone else's from theirs. Your attempts only ruin things further. Can't you see that? You're doing the exact opposite of what you wanted to do. You're "saving" people by burning down their bridges.
[And then just.....one sigh. A forlorn sort of noise. Hansa, after his spiel, just stares ahead. His eye still looks like its glistening.]
[He murmurs, quietly:]
In the end, I cultivate a white rose in June and January for the true friend who gives me his sincere hand.
[A pause.]
And for the cruel one who rips out the heart with which I live...I don’t cultivate the thistle or the nettle. I cultivate the white rose.
soo-won listens carefully to what hansa says - he accepts the laughter, and his own expression only turns bewildered. the falcon at his shoulder cocks its head at the spiel, before moving to preen with its own feathers. hansa can say this but -
all his life, soo-won has been able to guide people, because they acted the way that he expected them to. he is not someone who deserves forgiveness, and not someone who deserves patience. for sake of others being able to find peace, he will cut them out of his life without mercy or hesitation.
that is the kindness of a k̵͈̀̕͜į̸͖͍̂̓͠n̵̡͆̆̕g̷̹̜̃̈́͝.
.... of - what?
though he seems to realize that at the very least, for now, hansa will be more stubborn that soo-won is. there was an opportunity here to sever a tie, and the cut was not precise enough. only time will tell whether that was soo-won's mistake or not.]
.... if you insist, then there is nothing I can do at present to deter you.
But I still don't believe as though I have done anything unnecessary. Instead of just one of us carrying the weight of knowing what I have to accomplish this weekend in order to survive - now there is two.
[sometimes burning a bridge is the easiest way to keep people from jumping off with you.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
well, not every line can land.
(or rather, maybe some lines weren't meant to land at all. maybe it's easier, if people expect just a little bit less from soo-won. it's nearing the end, after all.)
but he'll just shake his head at that, and reach out to place his hand over hansa's if allowed.]
I wish for your happiness, my friend.
You're too vibrant to be kept to one agreement or responsibility.
no subject
[He's allowed to, but there's still a sort of...simmering feeling, akin to frustration, in his expression.]
I know that. And I know that's...what you hope for. [And he grumbles.] I just don't want you to feel that I stick with you because of some kind of "responsibility", you know? Like, who do you think I am?
no subject
[and even that, soo-won thinks came from a place of responsibility - of stubbornness, even though he'd told hansa again and again that he needn't stay.
but now he doesn't feel like staying.]
But I do think that you care for me - and I do think that we're friends, more than anything else.
no subject
[This...isn't what he expected, when he came here to talk to Won like this. Of course, he had felt bad, and wanted to make amends, but this is like Soo-won just instantly jumping to throw the baby out with the bathwater.]
[He stares at Won for a long moment, as if trying to understand that what he was hearing was right.]
I just came here to...apologize for not being able to be there for you during these nights as a bodyguard, I'm not...what are you doing?
no subject
[he tilts his head.]
But I'm trying to eliminate the problem, because you think that there's something to feel guilty over. So why not persist only as friends, rather than have you feel the need to watch over my safety as an official duty?
[so why not absolve a position that soo-won can't even remember why he asked for?]
no subject
[Honestly, a part of him would've been fine with something like that decision. Just leave that role behind, and move on. But the way Soo-won is going about it rubs him like sandpaper over skin. It feels like Won's tied something else to that decision - a level of trust, or something akin to it, and its going to go away if he simply goes ahead with it.]
If you're doing this simply to make me feel better, then stop. I don't want it. Stop making decisions for me.
no subject
... very well, then.
What would you suggest? I don't want you to carry anything heavy with you, when I'm neither offended nor bothered.
But my solution has been dismissed.
no subject
[And there's a hint of bitterness, in his tone.]
I came to you because I just...wanted to share my feelings. That's it. Just, "hey, haha, look at me, going to be with others for this curfew rather than you, I feel kind of bad that I can't look after you". You took it as some kind of statement that I'm just...cutting ties with you, or something.
[And then a long pause. Yeah, he knows he's changing his tune from before, but now he feels like he's wandered into unknown territory, and wants to retract it. He turns to Won, but this time, the bitterness has faded, his tone just...one of sorrow.]
If the loss of your memories has made you like this...well. Nothing I can fix. But I don't want you jumping to conclusions, or just immediately putting your foot down on something like this just to solve it. Come on. I'm just holding out a hand, don't bring a hammer down to smash it. Feeling a little bad not "something heavy". Its just...me being human.
[1/2]
you decide who you will stand with, and who you will leave. soo-won is comfortable living on the fringes of people's lives, because he expects no loyalty or duty to him. it was not a lie when he told hansa that he never expected him to stay - but he didn't mean for it to hurt either.
it was just a truth.
similar to how hansa has people who need him more than soo-won does, and he will choose to go with them on thursdays. he is neither offended nor bothered, he is accepting it as an inevitability. and if there was a way to make it so that hansa didn't feel guilty over being torn between two different directions -
why not just make one choice far less appealing than the other? wouldn't it be simpler, if such a break happened on soo-won's terms, and happened cleanly, rather than this? this stubbornness. but hansa is right - that's part of being human.
and soo-won likes that part of him, too. it just feels inconvenient, at the moment.]
.... the longer you insist—
[the more you will regret knowing me.]
no subject
no, he can't manage that level of honesty. no matter his tiredness, no matter his exhaustion, no matter everything else that weighs on him in this moment -
he runs a hand through his own hair.]
... my apologies then, for making it a bigger affair than you intended.
no subject
[And the wolf at Won's feet shifts up, and she reaches forward-]
[Only to clamp her jaws around Won's ankle. Lightly, though, like a gentle loving play bite, definitely not hard to break skin. Hansa's own look is tired, but there's something slightly sharp in his gaze, like Soo-won has pulled back the rug to find spines underneath.]
...You know, its kind of interesting. Before I got involved with those three, I...didn't expect things to work out, in any fashion. I had my own assumptions, and I brought them to the table, and let them cloud my mind. But Emet-Selch, he decided to have a meeting, and talk clearly. Let nothing behind remain unspoken. And I realized how...refreshing that was. To just say what you meant, without any misconceptions, or doubts, or things under the surface.
[The wolf releases her grip, letting out a grumble as she moves to sit between the both of them. Hansa reaches out to put his hand on the other's hand, and give it a squeeze.]
I'm not saying you need to be an open book with me. And I'm not exactly an open book, either. But I think it would be nice to hear what you're thinking in that head of yours sometimes. You've got the world on your shoulders. There's no need to dress it up in nice official language, or dissect it like you're brokering a deal.
[A long, long pause.]
...But I'm asking too much from you, now. I know that. I just want to let you know that...I have an ear to spare. And its not here to be used for judgement. You're my friend. I like to hear what you say.
That's all.
[1/2]
he startles at the bite - before realizing that it's more of a playful bite than anything. he listens to hansa thoughtfully at that - and he can't help but feel a bit amused at the thought of emet-selch being able to speak that clearly to people.]
no subject
the hand under hansa's tenses briefly a bit and the daemon at soo-won's shoulder shifts finally, as if moving to look at hansa with scrutinizing, thoughtful eyes.
after a long pause, soo-won speaks.]
... tonight, I've been tasked with removing Yona from the Realm, because she will be splintering. I will not be able to say another word about it until after Saturday.
I told Zuko, and he was unhappy with me. It's nothing I didn't anticipate, because I know how much he cares for her. He thought at first that I was lying... and I suppose I don't particularly care if he thought so, if that would be easier for him to live with. But someone said something to him - and instead he started to tear up, and tell me that it doesn't have to be me.
But that is wrong. It has to be me, because I have responsibilities to save the people I can.
[a beat]
I grow weary - of people becoming upset because they care for my well-being. I don't care for it, because I am not the person suffering the most from my own actions.
[he is not selfless and even if he is in pain, what right does he have to complain, as someone who volunteered for all of it?
so he's tired.
of zuko wanting to spare soo-won from having to kill someone that he loves. of blanca and hansa scolding him for going off on his own, even though he thought his decision was the right one for lup and blanca's relationship. of hansa feeling guilty for choosing those he loves over being at soo-won's side for one night.
so it would be simpler.
to be left behind, to be scorned, to be liked less.]
I will be alright, no matter what you all think of me.
So it would be for the better, if you all could be happier apart from me. [he turns his hand in hansa's, holding onto it gently.] Because you are important to me, and I hope for your happiness.
no subject
[I've been tasked with removing Yona from the Realm, because she will be splintering.]
[The rest seems like a blur after that - he can hear it all, but it isn't processing just yet, that single sentence hanging like a shroud. Soo-won already killed, once, out of self defense. He already had to go through this. But this time, it isn't self defense. Its just done on an order. Go and kill. And Yona...Yona, god, Yona, his childhood friend, he already killed her father, and now...]
[He doesn't know what to feel. Anger, sorrow, desperation, to pull Soo-won back from the brink. To put something between him and this dreadful task, to save him from the inevitable. But unlike with Emet-Selch, there's no miracle waiting. Just a trial tomorrow, and sure, he could step forward, he could skew the results, but its not self defense this time, its not, and...]
Won, I...
[He blinks. He feels something wet in his eye. He doesn't feel like wiping it away. Instead, he just lets out a low huff, a bitter smile on his face.]
I've been a pretty bad bodyguard, haven't I...?
[Its meant to be a joke. That "haha, I couldn't save you from this". That "haha, I stepped to the side, and now you're here". That "haha, now I can't do anything."]
But here you are, making decisions again for everyone else.
[His breath shudders out of his body. He still feels like he's reeling. The wave is about to tip him off the boat. T̶h̸e̶ ̵h̸e̸a̶d̸y̶ ̵h̶e̴a̴t̸ ̸f̶r̷o̵m̶ ̷t̸h̵e̵ ̸b̵u̸r̷n̶i̴n̶g̶ ̷o̴f̶ ̵h̶i̴s̷ ̵v̵i̴l̸l̵a̴g̴e̴ ̷h̴a̵n̷g̵s̶ ̸h̴e̸a̶v̵y̵ ̴i̸n̴ ̵t̴h̵e̷ ̴a̶i̷r̷ ̶a̸s̸ ̵h̶e̶ ̵r̶u̶n̷s̸,̵ ̴h̵i̵s̷ ̸w̷o̵r̷l̵d̶,̶ ̴d̷e̸s̸t̸r̸o̷y̵e̵d̵.̶.̶.̶ hm? Something...something came to mind, and disappeared like a flame. Hansa shakes his head.]
Ah, Won, when will you ever learn that...turning yourself into the villain of the story serves no one at all?
no subject
the sorrow, the pain, the suffering that hansa is suffering secondhand, because of him. soo-won has seen it before. when he chose to take action against yona's father, he knew the pain that it would cause his closest friends, who could never forgive him. he'd seen the way that loving soo-won too much could leave people broken, betrayed, and in so much pain that they feel nothing but their rage.
it would be nice - if no one ever cared about him that much ever again, when he is not in a position that he can promise anyone a life without suffering.]
.... I don't really believe it's as simple as that. Villains and heroes, good and bad, right and wrong... People like to use those words here... but I think that all we have are decisions that we must live with.
I could live with myself - if I lost you.
If Blanca decided to quit. If Zuko decides that he hates me. If Yona never wanted to speak to me again. If everyone in this Realm chose to give up on me, and condemn me, I would accept it.
I only want to live, with the time that I have, and make choices that let the people around me have a chance at happiness.
[but knowing soo-won doesn't lead to happiness. knowing all the choices that he makes, with the circumstances that he's been dealt, whether it's being tasked with killing everyone he loves or having a pitifully short life.... it is one of the few things that he can protect people from.
knowing him enough that his story hurts them.
how could that be a life worth living?]
It's harder to live with myself - knowing that I did not at least try to save people [from me], even if it means making decisions for them.
[even if it means encouraging them to leave him alone, no matter how much he wants them to stay.]
no subject
["I would accept it".]
[Wow.]
[What a thing to say.]
[His mouth widens into a grin, and he looks more like a wolf than the wolf next to him, momentarily.]
You are such an idiot.
[And a laugh. Its hard, to pull himself out of the sudden chaos of emotion in his chest. But he does, for a moment, to take a quick breath so he won't drown.]
Your choices are only that. Your choices. We all make choices that make people love us, or hate us, or do something in between. But you don't live in a vacuum, Won. People won't just act the way you want them to. Its not as if you can say "hey, I'll make Hansa hate me, and eventually that will be good for his happiness". Who even thinks like that?
[And he laughs. And he laughs. And he buries his head in his hand, and he laughs.]
No man is an island, Won. [He says, finally calming down.] And you can't save me from my own emotions, or anyone else's from theirs. Your attempts only ruin things further. Can't you see that? You're doing the exact opposite of what you wanted to do. You're "saving" people by burning down their bridges.
[And then just.....one sigh. A forlorn sort of noise. Hansa, after his spiel, just stares ahead. His eye still looks like its glistening.]
[He murmurs, quietly:]
In the end, I cultivate a white rose in June and January for the true friend who gives me his sincere hand.
[A pause.]
And for the cruel one who rips out the heart with which I live...I don’t cultivate the thistle or the nettle. I cultivate the white rose.
no subject
soo-won listens carefully to what hansa says - he accepts the laughter, and his own expression only turns bewildered. the falcon at his shoulder cocks its head at the spiel, before moving to preen with its own feathers. hansa can say this but -
all his life, soo-won has been able to guide people, because they acted the way that he expected them to. he is not someone who deserves forgiveness, and not someone who deserves patience. for sake of others being able to find peace, he will cut them out of his life without mercy or hesitation.
that is the kindness of a k̵͈̀̕͜į̸͖͍̂̓͠n̵̡͆̆̕g̷̹̜̃̈́͝.
.... of - what?
though he seems to realize that at the very least, for now, hansa will be more stubborn that soo-won is. there was an opportunity here to sever a tie, and the cut was not precise enough. only time will tell whether that was soo-won's mistake or not.]
.... if you insist, then there is nothing I can do at present to deter you.
But I still don't believe as though I have done anything unnecessary. Instead of just one of us carrying the weight of knowing what I have to accomplish this weekend in order to survive - now there is two.
[sometimes burning a bridge is the easiest way to keep people from jumping off with you.]