[ she gets carried away with a few different things, but soo-won can probably catch her coming back to the inn. she's trying to sneak upstairs, away, but she hears his voice and she stops, taking a deep breath.
she carefully stays out of his bubble, and gives him a little smile. ]
[ . . . . yeah, he's going to notice that and warn only briefly.]
... because we're friends, I'm going to step closer.
[because he can tell that she's keeping something from him. and it's why he'll move forward, with his own feelings of mild curiosity, concern and - calm. he will try to share his calm in this moment.]
Let's go to my room.
[and he won't reach for her hand, but he will encourage her to come with him with pointed waiting for her to follow]
[ aaaaaaaaaaaaaa she immediately steps back, when he moves forward. but it's not enough to avoid the horrific sense of unease that's curled like smoke in her throat and behind her eyes. unease, anxiety, wrongness.
let's go to my room, he says, and she chews the inside of her cheek before sighing. ]
Fine. I have things to tell you, anyway. [ she says, and it's really only her emotions that are betraying her, right now. ]
[ . . . . ah. she'll feel the concern seem to increase once he gets an understanding of it, but he'll let it be until they enter his room and he'll close the door. he gestures to which hammock is his, so that she can feel welcome to sit down.
[ for a second she wants to resist. why should he get to know? she'd spent so long on the ship and she has nothing to show for it, just years of memories without the people, just taako. it's only been taako.
but she knows that's not true. and he was honest with her earlier. so. she sits on the hammock, and stares down at the floor. ]
What have I told you about me? [ she asks. a bitter laugh. ] The personal stuff, I mean. I can't - fucking remember, really.
About growing with Taako? Apricot cookies and staying with some extended family at first, before you both eventually ran away and began to travel. You were with a circus for a bit, and also cooked for some mercenaries.
You're a lich and you made that choice after having Taako craft you the perfect day so that you could hold onto it as your memory, and you made that choice with someone else. You're a powerful wizard who enjoys explosions, and you had a rather bad experience with an umbrella - which I could go into more detail if I must.
[but he won't - at least not yet, but he's pretty sure that's a rather painful memory.]
No, you don't have to, because it won't matter. The - umbrella, I mean, that memory. I can't - grasp it. [ she says. she spits the word out like they're a curse. ] Taako and I figured it out.
He said I died, but that's not true. It doesn't feel true.
he - considers that thoughtfully. so in this place, they took some of soo-won's good memories and in comparison stole something from lup that could arguably be considered bad.
and yet.
does that make it any less important? he doesn't think so.]
.... I'm afraid it's true.
[soft, just so that she knows that she'd confessed it to someone else]
[ she says, forcefully, bringing her hands to her chest. it's true. she can't hold onto it, it feels like mush. ]
He forgot me. Not here, at home. I don't remember that. I remember - I had a responsibility to fix something I broke. So I left, and then nothing. But he said I died and he forgot me and they took that fact away from me. I can't remember that he forgot.
[ . . . . . he'll rise but - he knows that he can't hold onto her sleeve or her hand at the moment, given the way that the shock seems to transfer. but he'll move closer to her, leaving his palms up hovering in front of her. they can't touch but -
he hopes the sentiment means anything at all.]
.... no matter how difficult a memory may be, or how upsetting - it doesn't change the fact that it's painful to lose it.
And you want every moment with him, both good and bad.
[ she pulls in a bit on herself. takes a deep breath. he can't hold onto her and she doesn't think she can take a shock, accident or no, not without losing her mind over it. she doesn't usually feel fragile, but her talk with taako left her unsettled in a way she hasn't experienced in a long time. ]
I forgot - I forgot that he forgot me. [ she says, with some difficulty, like she's trying to remind herself. ] There's not even a moment to - to know.
[ there's anger, mostly. simmering anger, an active volcano in her chest, ready to let loose at any time. upset, unease, distance - she's losing bits of her twin, and she's afraid of what will happen if she loses all of him. ]
The moment exists. [and his voice is soft even as he remains by her - and he sits with all of her emotions, the rush of them. he takes them so that he can shoulder them with her, and doesn't hold back on his own. his relative calm in comparison, the way that he feels for her - fondness and concern and care because even when she's having a bad day, she still matters so much to him.]
It's out of grasp at the moment, but it does exist. Taako has it, and I'll hold onto it too, until it can be returned to you.
It still matters, and you'll remember it again, in time.
[ they have it. taako might lose it, but - soo-won won't. soo-won can hold onto it and they won't take it from him. that makes sense. that eases her shoulders a little. even when she's having a bad day, she matters to him, she can feel it, and there's a quiet bit of relief.
it's so easy to fall into a routine. to close off because nobody can be trusted. it's always jokes, it's always big grins and barbed words, but... ]
It's getting scarier. [ she says, with a little laugh. ] But. Okay.
[he sits with her in her fear, in her anguish, and her frustration. he doesn't shy away from it, and he remains. in response to her words there is only a steadfast determination to see to her happiness and her interests, to protect her in the ways that he is able.
he's determined.]
.... I'll hold onto your trust, and I'll keep it. If you're scared, I'll sit with you until you're not anymore, or until it feels a little less.
You don't have to be anyone but Lup with me, alright? So it's okay. We'll figure it out together.
[ there's a long pause, and then she rubs at her face with a little laugh. ]
Don't say that, or I'll end up forgetting you too. [ because she knows she trusted the people on the ship, and - they're gone. whoever they were. she can feel the emptiness there. ]
[ it's the kind of sentiment that she can't help but want to hear. never actually being lost from somebody - finding them again and again and again. she can't remember why, can't grasp it, but the idea of being forgotten is so intensely terrifying. she doesn't want to deal with the thought. so she doesn't. ]
You're killing me. [ she says, with a little wobbly sniff. but there's a sincerity in her feelings, a quiet little please - don't take this from her. ]
Which I realize is really just, bad word choice, but I'm sticking to it. [ she jokes, pulling her hair over her shoulder to fiddle with it. ]
[that manages to make him laugh just a bit, amused at her choice of words - but it doesn't make him any less steady. he'll remain at her side until circumstances force him away. but even then, it won't stop him from trying to return to her.
soo-won is often needed in different roles - as a king, as a leader, as a guide - but every once in a while he realizes that someone might need him as a friend.
so he'll try to match that too.
the way that he bows his head toward her is gentle and brief, letting his forehead fall close to hers without actually touching]
[ she really, really wants to press her forehead against his, but she doesn't. she hates this week's effect, it sucks. he can probably feel how frustrated and needy she feels in that regard.
she's quiet for a moment, just letting it sink in.
and then: ] Okay. Enough about me. Did you want to hear what Wolf had to say?
Wolf is, uh - they're Wolf. So take this with a grain of salt, but they basically said people who get removed are dead and aren't coming back. No zombies, no liches, no nothing. They said the wishes should work, no hidden clauses or anything. Voting correctly gets us nova, Cater was probably on Wolf team, uhh...
[ she tilts her head back. ] And I guess Wolf is going to teach me how to fight, so that's rad.
Then no one on Wolf killed this weekend - because Goat told me that the souls of the dead have been kept somewhere else, and there's a chance that we might be able to bring them back. Though, of course, there could be a price to that.
And Goat told me that your wish would only work to affect things outside of the Realm - so we wouldn't be able to wish for the dead to be revived even if you won.
[that's the information
but also
pouting]
You get to fight with Wolf? I'm almost jealous....
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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Yeah, yeah, go on, git. [ and she shoos him off!
and... later! later she will be kind of hard to find. ]
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but.
he's going to go find her.]
Lup?
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she carefully stays out of his bubble, and gives him a little smile. ]
Oh - hey, Bougie. [ just a little distance. ]
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... because we're friends, I'm going to step closer.
[because he can tell that she's keeping something from him. and it's why he'll move forward, with his own feelings of mild curiosity, concern and - calm. he will try to share his calm in this moment.]
Let's go to my room.
[and he won't reach for her hand, but he will encourage her to come with him with pointed waiting for her to follow]
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let's go to my room, he says, and she chews the inside of her cheek before sighing. ]
Fine. I have things to tell you, anyway. [ she says, and it's really only her emotions that are betraying her, right now. ]
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and then, gently but intently:]
.... tell me what's wrong first.
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but she knows that's not true. and he was honest with her earlier. so. she sits on the hammock, and stares down at the floor. ]
What have I told you about me? [ she asks. a bitter laugh. ] The personal stuff, I mean. I can't - fucking remember, really.
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About - you?
About growing with Taako? Apricot cookies and staying with some extended family at first, before you both eventually ran away and began to travel. You were with a circus for a bit, and also cooked for some mercenaries.
You're a lich and you made that choice after having Taako craft you the perfect day so that you could hold onto it as your memory, and you made that choice with someone else. You're a powerful wizard who enjoys explosions, and you had a rather bad experience with an umbrella - which I could go into more detail if I must.
[but he won't - at least not yet, but he's pretty sure that's a rather painful memory.]
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No, you don't have to, because it won't matter. The - umbrella, I mean, that memory. I can't - grasp it. [ she says. she spits the word out like they're a curse. ] Taako and I figured it out.
He said I died, but that's not true. It doesn't feel true.
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he - considers that thoughtfully. so in this place, they took some of soo-won's good memories and in comparison stole something from lup that could arguably be considered bad.
and yet.
does that make it any less important? he doesn't think so.]
.... I'm afraid it's true.
[soft, just so that she knows that she'd confessed it to someone else]
.... how are you feeling about it?
[he asks this time, instead of stepping forward]
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[ she says, forcefully, bringing her hands to her chest. it's true. she can't hold onto it, it feels like mush. ]
He forgot me. Not here, at home. I don't remember that. I remember - I had a responsibility to fix something I broke. So I left, and then nothing. But he said I died and he forgot me and they took that fact away from me. I can't remember that he forgot.
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he hopes the sentiment means anything at all.]
.... no matter how difficult a memory may be, or how upsetting - it doesn't change the fact that it's painful to lose it.
And you want every moment with him, both good and bad.
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I forgot - I forgot that he forgot me. [ she says, with some difficulty, like she's trying to remind herself. ] There's not even a moment to - to know.
[ there's anger, mostly. simmering anger, an active volcano in her chest, ready to let loose at any time. upset, unease, distance - she's losing bits of her twin, and she's afraid of what will happen if she loses all of him. ]
Fuck. I can't think straight.
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The moment exists. [and his voice is soft even as he remains by her - and he sits with all of her emotions, the rush of them. he takes them so that he can shoulder them with her, and doesn't hold back on his own. his relative calm in comparison, the way that he feels for her - fondness and concern and care because even when she's having a bad day, she still matters so much to him.]
It's out of grasp at the moment, but it does exist. Taako has it, and I'll hold onto it too, until it can be returned to you.
It still matters, and you'll remember it again, in time.
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it's so easy to fall into a routine. to close off because nobody can be trusted. it's always jokes, it's always big grins and barbed words, but... ]
It's getting scarier. [ she says, with a little laugh. ] But. Okay.
I trust you.
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he's determined.]
.... I'll hold onto your trust, and I'll keep it. If you're scared, I'll sit with you until you're not anymore, or until it feels a little less.
You don't have to be anyone but Lup with me, alright? So it's okay. We'll figure it out together.
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Don't say that, or I'll end up forgetting you too. [ because she knows she trusted the people on the ship, and - they're gone. whoever they were. she can feel the emptiness there. ]
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Then we'll meet again.
And if you forget me again, we'll meet once more after that.
And again, and again, and again until we've met a thousand different times and you've given me two thousand different names.
Because we're best friends, so we'll always find each other, and I won't leave you alone.
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You're killing me. [ she says, with a little wobbly sniff. but there's a sincerity in her feelings, a quiet little please - don't take this from her. ]
Which I realize is really just, bad word choice, but I'm sticking to it. [ she jokes, pulling her hair over her shoulder to fiddle with it. ]
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soo-won is often needed in different roles - as a king, as a leader, as a guide - but every once in a while he realizes that someone might need him as a friend.
so he'll try to match that too.
the way that he bows his head toward her is gentle and brief, letting his forehead fall close to hers without actually touching]
I understand the sentiment.
[and that's enough]
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she's quiet for a moment, just letting it sink in.
and then: ] Okay. Enough about me. Did you want to hear what Wolf had to say?
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If you wouldn't mind.
I can report back to you about everything else as well.
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Wolf is, uh - they're Wolf. So take this with a grain of salt, but they basically said people who get removed are dead and aren't coming back. No zombies, no liches, no nothing. They said the wishes should work, no hidden clauses or anything. Voting correctly gets us nova, Cater was probably on Wolf team, uhh...
[ she tilts her head back. ] And I guess Wolf is going to teach me how to fight, so that's rad.
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Then no one on Wolf killed this weekend - because Goat told me that the souls of the dead have been kept somewhere else, and there's a chance that we might be able to bring them back. Though, of course, there could be a price to that.
And Goat told me that your wish would only work to affect things outside of the Realm - so we wouldn't be able to wish for the dead to be revived even if you won.
[that's the information
but also
pouting]
You get to fight with Wolf? I'm almost jealous....
[SOO-WON your STAB WOUND]
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Price, like... [ she wrinkles her nose. she hates the thought of that. ] Fuck. That puts a dent in my plans.
[ as far as wolf goes, she just snorts. ] You don't need to be fighting with anybody, my dude.
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