soo-won takes on those feelings, and there is at first surprise at the fact that he's being let in this much - but rather than anything else, any type of shattering or giving in..... there is an acceptance. he lets the mourning and grief wash over him, feels it along with emet-selch. it nearly inspires a tear to his eye, but not quite. still, he can't quite stop his same, mirrored ache.
there comes with it a feeling of understanding - and somewhere in it all... a sense of gratitude, that emet-selch would even allow him to feel all of it.
soo-won was the one to follow, and he doesn't intend to step away.]
.... you've endured.
Through every rise and fall of civilization, and all that you've witnessed - are these feelings for them?
[the acceptance is-- interesting, as is the sense of understanding, although the latter gets a reflexive flicker of something sharp. it's gone quickly, and as he lets the heaviness of the emotion fade back to its usual presence, he gives soo-won an evaluating look.]
Hm. You bear it well, temporary as it is.
[most, he knows, would buckle further than that beneath it.]
[the evaluation look is met without fear, and the idea of bearing it well isn't met with pride so much as a distant sort of amusement. a sense of 'yes, i guess that would be surprising coming from someone like me'. but otherwise he doesn't seem to be all too affected -
but instead there's something that he wonders about]
It is not for the civilizations that have inhabited the world, but the world itself. What has been lost, what has been suffered-- what has been inflicted upon it. Those same civilizations give rise to tragedies greater than any natural disaster.
[but there's not really anger there, as he says it-- just more of that sense of exhaustion. they've been depressing to watch for so long.]
and for some reason - that rings another note of understanding for soo-won. the sense of loss that comes with the choices that people make, and the way that they can be upsetting and worth mourning.
he nods along with that]
It sounds difficult - to be tasked with building and rebuilding, but knowing that there is also a sense of inevitability that it won't be different.
I would say that I'm sorry.... but I'm not sure if a platitude would be of any worth to you.
[ . . . . . there's going to be an odd sense for emet-selch at that, the one where soo-won seems like he wants to say something, finds himself pausing, reflecting on his own uncertainty as an anomaly, but.
what comes out of his mouth is:]
I like learning, and I like people.
[he seems tempted to leave it at that and yet.]
... and I like seeing to it that people can live lives unhampered by too many circumstances outside of their control. There are things like natural disasters that you'd mentioned, or the ways in which people hurt each other everyday. That's a matter of living.
But I also think that inadequacy of leadership and government can contribute to the ways that people suffer. And I... don't believe that I should accept that.
It doesn't matter to me because I'm a noble - it matters to me because I love my country, and I'm coming to care for the people here in the same way. I want to aid them, however it is that I can.
[and that seems sincere - the combination of two strong feelings. a unhindered and shameless adoration for the world and all that inhabit it - and the belief that if he has the power to act and learn, then he should]
[that is definitely an odd feeling; he frowns slightly at it, but doesn't comment at first, allowing soo-won to go ahead and explain. and as he does, he might get a very faint sense of approval, though it's accompanied by a stronger sense of disillusionment.]
...well, within particular periods of time, the possibility does exist. It may be that in your era, your country may be changed for the better-- I would say such desires, along with the recognition of the specific flaws within your leadership, make for a good start.
[he just... doesn't necessarily think it will last. that it will matter in the end.
[the thing is - soo-won doesn't seem to mind the disillusionment. that too comes with a sense of understanding.]
As long as it changes for the better in a way that I can help it - that's enough. I don't have your lifespan, so I have to make peace with what I can do with the time that I do have. And I intend on making the most of every moment.
[and with that comes a sense of conviction. he's not the type of person who thinks that he's going to build a civilization that lasts forever. but it just needs to last long enough to matter for the people he wants to save. to decrease the suffering in the world even just a bit.
Maybe it will. At the very least, I believe in it strongly enough that I can't allow myself to rest or give up until I have a chance to complete it.
[and this... he sounds certain over. emet-selch will be able to feel that much, the sense of conviction. as if this is the only thing that soo-won ever truly holds onto with an unflinching grasp.
he has something that he needs to accomplish.]
Now you make me wonder about the peculiarity.... I have been feeling a bit oddly today - but I wouldn't put it on par with illness. Rather, I find myself speaking... a bit freely.
[-that much, they are in agreement on. however much the world may tire him, whatever else may happen... there are things that simply cannot be abandoned.
but there are other things to be concerned with for the moment.]
That would make some sense, then. You felt a bit strangely, just before you spoke.
[he's examining him a bit, now, as if there would be any outward sign.]
[there's a bit of a laugh at that - a note of amusement, as if entertained that emet-selch cared to notice]
Mm. It's because I normally don't tend toward talking about myself, which I think got me into a bit of trouble with some people who cared very much about my well-being over the weekend.
So I think I've been enchanted to have my behavior changed.
[though despite his smile -
it's not quite anger and it's not even quite disgruntlement. but there is an odd, tense feeling of being restrained, a recognition that this wasn't done with his own free will]
It is fortunate that you are able to notice, rather than a form of enchantment in which one remains oblivious to its effects... though each has their particular frustrations, I'm sure.
[is it more difficult to know something seems off, or to be unaware until you realize it after the fact... the answer varies, probably.
but his brow furrows slightly, with a feeling of contemplation, consideration.]
I have heard the effects of some few objects that may work upon others, but none that I know match what you have described.
Not to worry, I'm the type of person who can notice these things about myself. But I'm afraid it doesn't stop me from sharing what I find relevant regardless.
[it means he can try to be careful but at the same time, he... really can't! there's a few notes of frustration, but they're idle and harmless, kind of like bubbles that disappear quickly]
I'm monitoring it to see how long it lasts... but if the duration continues, it makes me wonder if it might be a power used on me by a Leader.
The Leaders definitely have powers, and they can definitely use them on people - but I'm not sure how much it's to the extent of using them on people from other teams. If it's well-meaning then....
[he'll make a general wave of his hand]
I don't think this was done to infringe on my privacy specifically - but probably because people think I'd benefit from sharing information about myself.
You could always request to have your leader use one on you and see how it works out?
[but soo-won just looks a little amused at that]
Mm, it's a bit irksome... but ultimately nothing that I can't handle. I don't offer information about myself all that readily, but I also don't think it worth mentioning in most situations.
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no subject
soo-won takes on those feelings, and there is at first surprise at the fact that he's being let in this much - but rather than anything else, any type of shattering or giving in..... there is an acceptance. he lets the mourning and grief wash over him, feels it along with emet-selch. it nearly inspires a tear to his eye, but not quite. still, he can't quite stop his same, mirrored ache.
there comes with it a feeling of understanding - and somewhere in it all... a sense of gratitude, that emet-selch would even allow him to feel all of it.
soo-won was the one to follow, and he doesn't intend to step away.]
.... you've endured.
Through every rise and fall of civilization, and all that you've witnessed - are these feelings for them?
no subject
Hm. You bear it well, temporary as it is.
[most, he knows, would buckle further than that beneath it.]
But no, I would not say that is entirely right.
no subject
but instead there's something that he wonders about]
Oh? Then how would you say it?
no subject
[but there's not really anger there, as he says it-- just more of that sense of exhaustion. they've been depressing to watch for so long.]
no subject
and for some reason - that rings another note of understanding for soo-won. the sense of loss that comes with the choices that people make, and the way that they can be upsetting and worth mourning.
he nods along with that]
It sounds difficult - to be tasked with building and rebuilding, but knowing that there is also a sense of inevitability that it won't be different.
I would say that I'm sorry.... but I'm not sure if a platitude would be of any worth to you.
no subject
[that's a concession he'll make for now, at the least.]
But what is it that drives your pursuit of knowledge, then?
[he hasn't forgotten that sense of responsibility he felt, and just as before, he doesn't intend to be the only one answering.]
no subject
what comes out of his mouth is:]
I like learning, and I like people.
[he seems tempted to leave it at that and yet.]
... and I like seeing to it that people can live lives unhampered by too many circumstances outside of their control. There are things like natural disasters that you'd mentioned, or the ways in which people hurt each other everyday. That's a matter of living.
But I also think that inadequacy of leadership and government can contribute to the ways that people suffer. And I... don't believe that I should accept that.
It doesn't matter to me because I'm a noble - it matters to me because I love my country, and I'm coming to care for the people here in the same way. I want to aid them, however it is that I can.
[and that seems sincere - the combination of two strong feelings. a unhindered and shameless adoration for the world and all that inhabit it - and the belief that if he has the power to act and learn, then he should]
no subject
...well, within particular periods of time, the possibility does exist. It may be that in your era, your country may be changed for the better-- I would say such desires, along with the recognition of the specific flaws within your leadership, make for a good start.
[he just... doesn't necessarily think it will last. that it will matter in the end.
going back to that initial feeling, though-]
Are you quite well, by the way?
no subject
As long as it changes for the better in a way that I can help it - that's enough. I don't have your lifespan, so I have to make peace with what I can do with the time that I do have. And I intend on making the most of every moment.
[and with that comes a sense of conviction. he's not the type of person who thinks that he's going to build a civilization that lasts forever. but it just needs to last long enough to matter for the people he wants to save. to decrease the suffering in the world even just a bit.
but - ]
Ah, well in what sense? I am resting.
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[this is, after all, the only time he's ever felt soo-won's feelings; he just waves a hand.]
In any case, mayhap that intention will end up making some difference, should we all manage to quit this place safely.
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[and this... he sounds certain over. emet-selch will be able to feel that much, the sense of conviction. as if this is the only thing that soo-won ever truly holds onto with an unflinching grasp.
he has something that he needs to accomplish.]
Now you make me wonder about the peculiarity.... I have been feeling a bit oddly today - but I wouldn't put it on par with illness. Rather, I find myself speaking... a bit freely.
no subject
but there are other things to be concerned with for the moment.]
That would make some sense, then. You felt a bit strangely, just before you spoke.
[he's examining him a bit, now, as if there would be any outward sign.]
no subject
Mm. It's because I normally don't tend toward talking about myself, which I think got me into a bit of trouble with some people who cared very much about my well-being over the weekend.
So I think I've been enchanted to have my behavior changed.
[though despite his smile -
it's not quite anger and it's not even quite disgruntlement. but there is an odd, tense feeling of being restrained, a recognition that this wasn't done with his own free will]
no subject
[is it more difficult to know something seems off, or to be unaware until you realize it after the fact... the answer varies, probably.
but his brow furrows slightly, with a feeling of contemplation, consideration.]
I have heard the effects of some few objects that may work upon others, but none that I know match what you have described.
no subject
Not to worry, I'm the type of person who can notice these things about myself. But I'm afraid it doesn't stop me from sharing what I find relevant regardless.
[it means he can try to be careful but at the same time, he... really can't! there's a few notes of frustration, but they're idle and harmless, kind of like bubbles that disappear quickly]
I'm monitoring it to see how long it lasts... but if the duration continues, it makes me wonder if it might be a power used on me by a Leader.
no subject
[but he's definitely thinking about it now? that could be- problematic.]
But if it were, some of them do seem as if they might be... more susceptible to pleas, perhaps.
[such as those from people who care very much about someone's well-being.]
no subject
[he'll make a general wave of his hand]
I don't think this was done to infringe on my privacy specifically - but probably because people think I'd benefit from sharing information about myself.
Which.... I disagree, but....
no subject
[hm. something to bother them more about later, probably.]
I certainly can't fault you for disagreeing, though, whether well-intentioned or not. I would not take it lightly myself.
no subject
[but soo-won just looks a little amused at that]
Mm, it's a bit irksome... but ultimately nothing that I can't handle. I don't offer information about myself all that readily, but I also don't think it worth mentioning in most situations.