[ it's a different kind of hurt that settles in his heart as he listens to this admission, brows and mouth furrowing deeper. a slow mournful regret rather than rage, quick and burning. ]
I did hate you.
[ enough to try and kill him. enough to scream out his feelings again and again. but it had been harder and harder to hold onto that hate the more time passed. does he hate soo-won now? in truth, probably not. ]
But Kouka is doing better because of you. [ he can't deny that even if he still wishes it could have happened any other way. ] I don't want to see it go back to the way it was.
[ explanation enough for all the times they've turned back to reach out their hands towards him, right? (it isn't and he knows it.) ]
[ it's not a surprise to hear that hak hated him. of course. that was obvious. that level of rage and despair was natural, and the more shocking thing was when it didn't continue into its natural conclusion (soo-won's death at hak's hands).
he's not sure how to feel that hak understands soo-won's way of thinking now. objectively, it's for the better. subjectively, it makes his insides twist. every punishment he deserves is slowly receding and he's not sure how to make up for it. ]
... well, you and I are aligned in that sense. I accomplished almost everything I wanted, as far as the kingdom is concerned.
[ so it's why he can't feel regret. not really. he wanted to make sure the sacrifice was worth it. he's nearly there. ]
[ also comes back to this ancient thread with tears in my eyes
that could very well be the end of it and they could drop the conversation right here, but hak has the unfortunate habit of being a little too bullheaded about things sometimes, a little too nosy when they involve the ethings and people that matter most to him.
I thought that if I could just handle the issue with the Kai Empire, I could accept my death willingly.
[ and then look how things turned out anyway, where he let himself get chomped by shin-ah after. ]
Now, I also need to make sure that you and Yona return safely and live well.
[ does he still intend to put yona on the throne... yes... but as long as hak and the dragons are returned and she's with her family it should be fine ]
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no subject
I did hate you.
[ enough to try and kill him. enough to scream out his feelings again and again. but it had been harder and harder to hold onto that hate the more time passed. does he hate soo-won now? in truth, probably not. ]
But Kouka is doing better because of you. [ he can't deny that even if he still wishes it could have happened any other way. ] I don't want to see it go back to the way it was.
[ explanation enough for all the times they've turned back to reach out their hands towards him, right? (it isn't and he knows it.) ]
no subject
he's not sure how to feel that hak understands soo-won's way of thinking now. objectively, it's for the better. subjectively, it makes his insides twist. every punishment he deserves is slowly receding and he's not sure how to make up for it. ]
... well, you and I are aligned in that sense. I accomplished almost everything I wanted, as far as the kingdom is concerned.
[ so it's why he can't feel regret. not really. he wanted to make sure the sacrifice was worth it. he's nearly there. ]
no subject
that could very well be the end of it and they could drop the conversation right here, but hak has the unfortunate habit of being a little too bullheaded about things sometimes, a little too nosy when they involve the ethings and people that matter most to him.
he frowns. ]
"Almost"?
[ what else is there? ]
no subject
I thought that if I could just handle the issue with the Kai Empire, I could accept my death willingly.
[ and then look how things turned out anyway, where he let himself get chomped by shin-ah after. ]
Now, I also need to make sure that you and Yona return safely and live well.
[ does he still intend to put yona on the throne... yes... but as long as hak and the dragons are returned and she's with her family it should be fine ]