[ . . . he almost wants to say don't bother - but he can't. not when the fact of the matter is that soo-won always wants to live. it's the most selfish wish that he has, perhaps. if someone is willing to cover for him... very well.
he won't stop them.
it's just being pragmatic.
he doesn't flinch away from the kiss, though he turns his head away at the mention of yona again. his breathing has evened out, returned to normal - but he remains a bit pale, a bit exhausted.]
.... she'll come back.
[he knows that much but.
he's not sure if he can agree that she'll be alright.]
.... it's fine. She was never truly mine to lose. If she'll accept this from anyone - it would be me.
[He lifts his hand to brush some of Soo-won's hair back; the edges of his fingers skim the corner of Soo-won's eye, but doesn't act like it's trying to get rid of tears exactly.]
I'm afraid I don't have much advice to give you, Soo-won. It would only be advice from a murderer, and I'm not sure a murderer like me has the right to try to pretend like they understand.
... why do you always talk about yourself in such a way?
[why is it always about being a murderer? soo-won doesn't flinch away from the touch - is likely too tired to do so - but there's something saddened creeping into his voice again.
not for himself, because he has no right to feel sadness for himself, but for blanca.]
We are both murderers.
You need not give me advice... but you also needn't be so cruel to yourself.
[He almost feels more bad for Soo-won finding this sad. He shakes his head.]
I talk that way so I don't forget what I've done. It doesn't bother me like you may think. I don't mind allowing myself to live life as others live theirs. Smiling, laughing, loving. There's no point in keeping myself from those things.
There's no life in it.
But I won't forget how dirty my hands are, even if it was something I had been coerced to become as someone even younger than Ash.
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no subject
[Hm. He doesn't question it because it feels like Soo-won would have said more if there was a need. He is but a simple bodyguard.]
I can tell Hansa and Archer I saw you asleep, even though I don't plan to check where we stay. It should add more to helping us look away from you.
[He gives the back of Soo-won's fingers a respectful kiss, and then lays the arm over Soo-won's stomach and chest.]
I know this means very little, but don't worry about Miss Yona. She'll be all right.
no subject
he won't stop them.
it's just being pragmatic.
he doesn't flinch away from the kiss, though he turns his head away at the mention of yona again. his breathing has evened out, returned to normal - but he remains a bit pale, a bit exhausted.]
.... she'll come back.
[he knows that much but.
he's not sure if he can agree that she'll be alright.]
.... it's fine. She was never truly mine to lose. If she'll accept this from anyone - it would be me.
no subject
[He lifts his hand to brush some of Soo-won's hair back; the edges of his fingers skim the corner of Soo-won's eye, but doesn't act like it's trying to get rid of tears exactly.]
I'm afraid I don't have much advice to give you, Soo-won. It would only be advice from a murderer, and I'm not sure a murderer like me has the right to try to pretend like they understand.
no subject
[why is it always about being a murderer? soo-won doesn't flinch away from the touch - is likely too tired to do so - but there's something saddened creeping into his voice again.
not for himself, because he has no right to feel sadness for himself, but for blanca.]
We are both murderers.
You need not give me advice... but you also needn't be so cruel to yourself.
no subject
I talk that way so I don't forget what I've done. It doesn't bother me like you may think. I don't mind allowing myself to live life as others live theirs. Smiling, laughing, loving. There's no point in keeping myself from those things.
There's no life in it.
But I won't forget how dirty my hands are, even if it was something I had been coerced to become as someone even younger than Ash.