Oh! Then I'll try to prepare some coffee too. Would tea be alright for today?
[and he smiles at that, before offering out a blueberry muffin
though within the span of a reach - she'll probably be able to feel it. the peace that soo-won normally carries along with him, through there is a low thrum of underlying anxiety
[ she gives him a small smile and - as they're close enough to share emotions, a little pulse of gratitude. it's an appreciation for both him and for food; each time she gets to eat or drink is still a small miracle to her and it shows.
past that, her default state: a hyper-vigilant tension and deep, deep exhaustion. they're permanent. ]
Yeah, of course.
[ but that said, his emotions startle her. she can tell they aren't hers, but she's never felt someone else's feelings before, and? uh?? ]
[he can feel her emotions and - honestly? they inspire a burst of fondness from him. he's happy that she's happy, and that is truly enough to make him pleased.
but it seems that when she notices his anxiety he.... manages a small, weak smile]
... I lost something again - a memory. I can tell what it was but...
[ oh... with everything happening on a schedule like it has been, she wonders if that means everyone has lost something recently. if she has. but nothing new seems missing, nothing seems confusing that wasn't confusing last week. ]
Oh. That's... Too bad. Can you tell if it was important, or...?
[ the core of clem's feelings don't change, but the surface is like a mirror. when he's sad, she's sad - when he feels loss, she falls into her own. it's hard not to follow the leads of other people's emotions, it turns out. ]
I think I am too. Since last week, but... I don't know.
[ not the worst thing...? to her it feels like the absolute worst thing. she remembers AJ, but there's a part of her that feels like she wouldn't be herself anymore if she forgets him. so what about the person she did forget? ]
It's pretty high up there. I'd rather forget almost anything else.
[ she hesitates for a second, then looks around in her hammock for something. after a moment she pulls out a plush of a man? she holds it out for soo-won to see, but even as she looks at it, she feels a wave of confusion, like she can't quite process what she's looking at. ]
I remember things that happened. But I don't really remember the person.
[ . . . . he looks at the doll, reaches out to gently take the doll's hand and touch as if in greeting, before bowing his head and pulling back.
she'll feel a gentle sense of reverence, of respect for what clem is sharing with him.]
.... I remember that I loved him. That I cared for him, just as I do any other.
... but it's hard for me to remember anything... good about him, I'm afraid. When I search my memories, I only find the moments that were painful. Even though I know that - not all interactions could've been bad.
[ ... this all only makes her frustrated. at herself for not remembering, at this place for practically everything about it - and for his sake. forgetting only the positive memories? that might be even more cruel than forgetting a person completely. ]
[ . . . . and soo-won will move to sit on the hammock then, balancing the tea tray on his lap]
... tell me about him? Whatever you'd like, whatever you want to share.
I'll keep them safe - and who knows? Maybe I can annoy you with all these stories if you ever do forget. But at least you can hide your precious treasure in more than just one spot.
He's my goofball. He's had to grow up way too fast and it's - sad. [ and scary. ] It's one thing when he has to kill walkers, but he's had to kill people now, too. Someone I knew.
[ and, as if this is the important part: ] She deserved it.
[he doesn't seem to flinch away from the explanation, nodding when clem mentioned that it was likely deserved. given the situations that they've had to endure, he doesn't doubt it]
... those are good things to know, and to remember. It seems like you've both had to grow up at an alarming speed.
The second group I was with. After I got separated from... The last person left from my first group. There was a pregnant woman - Rebecca. She didn't like me at first, but... She was just scared.
She didn't make it that long after having AJ. There was a lot going on. We had to keep moving, and it was winter. We got attacked and we had already lost people. What was left of the group fell apart, because that's what always happens, and...
It was just me and AJ in the end. I couldn't stay with anyone else.
If there are still adults around. [ and he'd said he does stuff in politics, which? seems to her like a thing adults should be taking care of instead of kids? ]
[there's an odd feeling - where he seems to almost be at war with how much he wants to say, even though it doesn't read on his face. then he continues]
.... it's rather common for me to have a weight upon my shoulders. I have a bit of noble blood, you see, and there's a belief that we should grow up quickly. Even if someone may see me as a child, it's only in a derogatory way regarding my age.
I can't remember the last time someone said it in a well-meaning way.
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Oh! Then I'll try to prepare some coffee too. Would tea be alright for today?
[and he smiles at that, before offering out a blueberry muffin
though within the span of a reach - she'll probably be able to feel it. the peace that soo-won normally carries along with him, through there is a low thrum of underlying anxiety
huh]
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past that, her default state: a hyper-vigilant tension and deep, deep exhaustion. they're permanent. ]
Yeah, of course.
[ but that said, his emotions startle her. she can tell they aren't hers, but she's never felt someone else's feelings before, and? uh?? ]
What... [ that anxiety... ] What's wrong?
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[he can feel her emotions and - honestly? they inspire a burst of fondness from him. he's happy that she's happy, and that is truly enough to make him pleased.
but it seems that when she notices his anxiety he.... manages a small, weak smile]
... I lost something again - a memory. I can tell what it was but...
Not the contents, obviously.
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Oh. That's... Too bad. Can you tell if it was important, or...?
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but there is also the ache of loss, of sadness, of missing someone.]
.... mm. I'm struggling to remember the good memories of someone I know that I love.
It's too bad but... it's still not the worst thing I could've lost.
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I think I am too. Since last week, but... I don't know.
[ not the worst thing...? to her it feels like the absolute worst thing. she remembers AJ, but there's a part of her that feels like she wouldn't be herself anymore if she forgets him. so what about the person she did forget? ]
It's pretty high up there. I'd rather forget almost anything else.
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.... I'm sorry that it seems that we're both in the same boat.
[and his feelings reflect that - a sad sort of camaraderie. misery loves company?]
Do you have anything you might still remember about that person? Or did this place take them entirely from you?
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I remember things that happened. But I don't really remember the person.
What about you?
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she'll feel a gentle sense of reverence, of respect for what clem is sharing with him.]
.... I remember that I loved him. That I cared for him, just as I do any other.
... but it's hard for me to remember anything... good about him, I'm afraid. When I search my memories, I only find the moments that were painful. Even though I know that - not all interactions could've been bad.
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[ ... this all only makes her frustrated. at herself for not remembering, at this place for practically everything about it - and for his sake. forgetting only the positive memories? that might be even more cruel than forgetting a person completely. ]
So this place took something pretty specific.
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but it oddly makes him feel calmer, as if he knows that his skill here is to provide balance.]
... it did.
But I'll be alright. I think I've made a bit more peace with the concept of losing memories... but it doesn't pull from what they've stolen away.
Especially when yours are so important to you.
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Everyone's memories are important. Not like I'm a special case.
[ she shrugs. and because this is something she's been thinking about, even if it's kind of a tangential thought: ]
But at least I already know what I'd do if I lose the only thing that matters.
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Oh? If I may - what would that be?
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[ ... ]
I thought AJ was dead for a while. And I just - kept going. So, even if they take away my memories of him... I know that's what I'll do.
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... tell me about him? Whatever you'd like, whatever you want to share.
I'll keep them safe - and who knows? Maybe I can annoy you with all these stories if you ever do forget. But at least you can hide your precious treasure in more than just one spot.
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He's my goofball. He's had to grow up way too fast and it's - sad. [ and scary. ] It's one thing when he has to kill walkers, but he's had to kill people now, too. Someone I knew.
[ and, as if this is the important part: ] She deserved it.
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... those are good things to know, and to remember. It seems like you've both had to grow up at an alarming speed.
How did you two meet?
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She didn't make it that long after having AJ. There was a lot going on. We had to keep moving, and it was winter. We got attacked and we had already lost people. What was left of the group fell apart, because that's what always happens, and...
It was just me and AJ in the end. I couldn't stay with anyone else.
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You've had to grow up very fast too, Clementine.
[he does want to acknowledge it because - everything that she's sharing with him?
it sounds like quite the burden to suddenly have on your shoulders]
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[ she's not as worried about herself though. ]
You seem pretty mature to me, too. Compared to a lot of the kids I've met.
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gasps]
Did I just get called a kid?
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be able to feel both the surprise and amusement he gets from that. sincere amusement - ]
Sorry, it's just -
I don't think anyone's said that to me before. Not for a very long time.
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If there are still adults around. [ and he'd said he does stuff in politics, which? seems to her like a thing adults should be taking care of instead of kids? ]
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[there's an odd feeling - where he seems to almost be at war with how much he wants to say, even though it doesn't read on his face. then he continues]
.... it's rather common for me to have a weight upon my shoulders. I have a bit of noble blood, you see, and there's a belief that we should grow up quickly. Even if someone may see me as a child, it's only in a derogatory way regarding my age.
I can't remember the last time someone said it in a well-meaning way.
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