[soo-won's outside so i hope that jeanne is too - though his gaze is upward, watching gulfan fly in circles up above. when he hears footsteps he glances back down, and offers a tilt of his head and a smile]
[ She is outside with her standard, the flag rolled closed around the pole. She smiles at him in greeting and follows his earlier gaze up to his hawk. ]
I'm glad to receive some answers even if the answers themselves were troubling. What are your feelings on it?
[ . . . his smile slips gradually off his face at that as he looks upward and hums thoughtfully.]
... there is no way to determine whether they're lying until something happens. There is no reason to disbelieve them, and the stakes are much higher if we don't. Failure to act can result in the harm for many others.
Yet it's an odd thing to consider -
Which parts of yourself you will no longer recall, and what type of person you might be without those memories.
It would be quite the ruse, if they're lying. It'd make such a wild story that they'd have to keep inventing and keep consistent. I want to believe them.
[ Of course, she is inclined to think the best of people first and give the benefit of the doubt. ]
In a best case scenario, it won't be anything that'll change how we choose to act.
[ It's still not a great situation, but it'd be better. ]
[he smiles at that - because he likes optimistic people. he does not disagree, because he wants to believe them too.
he just also thinks it's unclear how much time they could've had to prepare a story - if they were working on a script for a few years, then anything is possible to be delivered as truth. he should know.]
I do like the futures that you suggest, and I'd be happiest if you're right.
[if everything went perfectly, and trust could be easily given]
Though perhaps while keeping our hopes resting on the best case scenario, I cannot help but find myself preparing for the worst case as well.
[ For as optimistic as she can be, she doesn't look away from the reality of the world. She knows all too well how dark things can turn. ]
I suppose if I lost and forgot something integral to me, I would become what people thought I was, that I could be consumed by what people thought I should have felt. If you need to prepare for the worst—
[ She clasps her hands behind her back, and her smile is pure. It's nothing to promote happiness or sadness. It just is. ]
If worse comes to worst, it's not impossible for me to become someone who needs to be stopped.
[ If trust can be so easily given, it's here. All she can be is frank. ]
[an interesting admittance, he thinks. he meets her smile with curiosity, with slight surprise, and because he is the type of person who does not look away, who does not shy away from what is placed in front of him:]
Would you trust me with your truth?
To know what it would be that would cause you to lose that piece of you, or how to guide you back?
[a beat]
Would you want to be guided back - is that what would bring you happiness?
[does she want all of her memories intact, or is there another path that could be taken?]
If I lost my love for people, if I lost the memory of the people I loved, I wonder if I couldn't become someone that I wouldn't understand.
[ How many times has she been asked, if she regrets, if she should be angry, if she should want revenge?
And how many times has she answered, no? ]
I don't want to be an altered version of myself I can't recognize. I don't know if that's possible for me, but I also don't think I'm infallible. No matter what I've done, no matter what I think of myself, I want the memory of who and what I am to be intact at the end.
Whatever that takes, I'll accept.
[ She's not sure what it would take to bring her back, if she became someone she couldn't recognize. ]
perhaps it's the first statement from someone else that truly rings a resounding echo in Soo-won's own heart - if he became someone corrupted, who answered the call of gods or of power or of spite - then he would no longer be himself.]
... then I'll help hold onto it for you. Thank you for telling me. In case you forget, I'll do my best to remind you.
[his smile is slow]
I'd like to ask you to do the same -
To remind me, in case I become someone who fails to remember what's most important to me: that I love people more than I cherish gods.
[ She accepts. Of course, she does. Even if she personally cherishes God as much as anyone else in her life, she won't reject others for not feeling the same.
She wonders, though, what happened that he has to have that clear distinction, for that to be so important to him. ]
Thank you. In return— no, it's not in return. [ It's because it's something she wants to do. ] I swear by this flag and on my name that I'll do what I can to remind you, if that becomes something you've forgotten.
With what precious time we have, it would be nice if we could be entirely in control of ourselves throughout. But in cases that we can't... I only hope that we can reflect on what we've done with pride.
[or missing that - acceptance. soo-won knows that he has made difficult choices, that he has left lasting harmful impressions on people.
even so, he was entirely self-possessed while he did it. he could look back at those action and claim them as his own.
he hopes a day doesn't come where he fails that.]
You have my gratitude as well.
[and then he'll let his gaze fall upon the standard she carries - ]
May I inquire about it? This flag you bear. It must be important to you.
[ Her banner is deeply important, but she can't smile while talking about war. She, too, knows how evil she became in others' eyes, as a target for malice and hatred, a subject to blame.
It's what I'm known for. People would see my flag first and know it was me. I have not regretted any of my actions even with what time I've had to think back, and that's how I intend to carry on. Even if I lose pieces of myself, that's how I hope to continue.
[his eyes remain on the flag for a moment before flicking upward to the sky, following her gaze to gulfan]
Mm. That's correct. We found him when we were but boys.... and Gulfan has been with me ever since.
[his precious hawk, a memory taking flight. he wonders how he'd feel if he forgot the origin - if that would affect him.
though he turns back to her with a slight smile]
Let us hope that we can continue to be ourselves then - no matter what is taken from us. I admire your way of life, Jeanne. Let me know if there is any way I can help you secure it, even against the unknown.
[ We? She hopes she remembers that to ask about another day.
The smile she gives him is fleeting as she lowers her eyes. ]
It's not that admirable, but thank you.
[ It's not said out of modesty or humility. It's just what she believes.
She raises her head to meet his gaze again. ]
I... suppose if I had a wish, that would be mine. To be able to help you and the others to stay yourselves and save what you hold dear. I'll pray for all of you to be victorious.
Fufu, I think that if you were someone who would boast their way of life as an admirable one, I would be less interested in it to begin with.
[which isn't to say that soo-won doesn't like confident people. he does! he just thinks that those who are more subtle in their ways are ones that he finds himself drawn to.]
What I hold dear...
I suppose at the moment it would only be to ensure that this situation resolves in a way where we can all return to our homes as unharmed as possible. It had been my intention from the start - and I would only worry after myself if I ever changed my mind on that matter.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
week 0, sunday
Good afternoon, Jeanne.
Ruler?
[he'll pick one eventually]
How are you feeling?
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I'm glad to receive some answers even if the answers themselves were troubling. What are your feelings on it?
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... there is no way to determine whether they're lying until something happens. There is no reason to disbelieve them, and the stakes are much higher if we don't. Failure to act can result in the harm for many others.
Yet it's an odd thing to consider -
Which parts of yourself you will no longer recall, and what type of person you might be without those memories.
no subject
[ Of course, she is inclined to think the best of people first and give the benefit of the doubt. ]
In a best case scenario, it won't be anything that'll change how we choose to act.
[ It's still not a great situation, but it'd be better. ]
no subject
he just also thinks it's unclear how much time they could've had to prepare a story - if they were working on a script for a few years, then anything is possible to be delivered as truth. he should know.]
I do like the futures that you suggest, and I'd be happiest if you're right.
[if everything went perfectly, and trust could be easily given]
Though perhaps while keeping our hopes resting on the best case scenario, I cannot help but find myself preparing for the worst case as well.
no subject
[ For as optimistic as she can be, she doesn't look away from the reality of the world. She knows all too well how dark things can turn. ]
I suppose if I lost and forgot something integral to me, I would become what people thought I was, that I could be consumed by what people thought I should have felt. If you need to prepare for the worst—
[ She clasps her hands behind her back, and her smile is pure. It's nothing to promote happiness or sadness. It just is. ]
If worse comes to worst, it's not impossible for me to become someone who needs to be stopped.
[ If trust can be so easily given, it's here. All she can be is frank. ]
no subject
Would you trust me with your truth?
To know what it would be that would cause you to lose that piece of you, or how to guide you back?
[a beat]
Would you want to be guided back - is that what would bring you happiness?
[does she want all of her memories intact, or is there another path that could be taken?]
no subject
[ How many times has she been asked, if she regrets, if she should be angry, if she should want revenge?
And how many times has she answered, no? ]
I don't want to be an altered version of myself I can't recognize. I don't know if that's possible for me, but I also don't think I'm infallible. No matter what I've done, no matter what I think of myself, I want the memory of who and what I am to be intact at the end.
Whatever that takes, I'll accept.
[ She's not sure what it would take to bring her back, if she became someone she couldn't recognize. ]
no subject
oh, he understands.
perhaps it's the first statement from someone else that truly rings a resounding echo in Soo-won's own heart - if he became someone corrupted, who answered the call of gods or of power or of spite - then he would no longer be himself.]
... then I'll help hold onto it for you. Thank you for telling me. In case you forget, I'll do my best to remind you.
[his smile is slow]
I'd like to ask you to do the same -
To remind me, in case I become someone who fails to remember what's most important to me: that I love people more than I cherish gods.
no subject
She wonders, though, what happened that he has to have that clear distinction, for that to be so important to him. ]
Thank you. In return— no, it's not in return. [ It's because it's something she wants to do. ] I swear by this flag and on my name that I'll do what I can to remind you, if that becomes something you've forgotten.
Losing yourself can be as terrible as death.
[ If not worse. ]
no subject
With what precious time we have, it would be nice if we could be entirely in control of ourselves throughout. But in cases that we can't... I only hope that we can reflect on what we've done with pride.
[or missing that - acceptance. soo-won knows that he has made difficult choices, that he has left lasting harmful impressions on people.
even so, he was entirely self-possessed while he did it. he could look back at those action and claim them as his own.
he hopes a day doesn't come where he fails that.]
You have my gratitude as well.
[and then he'll let his gaze fall upon the standard she carries - ]
May I inquire about it? This flag you bear. It must be important to you.
no subject
[ Her banner is deeply important, but she can't smile while talking about war. She, too, knows how evil she became in others' eyes, as a target for malice and hatred, a subject to blame.
She accepts it.
She unfurls flag to show him. ]
It's what I'm known for. People would see my flag first and know it was me. I have not regretted any of my actions even with what time I've had to think back, and that's how I intend to carry on. Even if I lose pieces of myself, that's how I hope to continue.
[ She looks up at Gulfan. ]
Is he yours?
no subject
Mm. That's correct. We found him when we were but boys.... and Gulfan has been with me ever since.
[his precious hawk, a memory taking flight. he wonders how he'd feel if he forgot the origin - if that would affect him.
though he turns back to her with a slight smile]
Let us hope that we can continue to be ourselves then - no matter what is taken from us. I admire your way of life, Jeanne. Let me know if there is any way I can help you secure it, even against the unknown.
no subject
The smile she gives him is fleeting as she lowers her eyes. ]
It's not that admirable, but thank you.
[ It's not said out of modesty or humility. It's just what she believes.
She raises her head to meet his gaze again. ]
I... suppose if I had a wish, that would be mine. To be able to help you and the others to stay yourselves and save what you hold dear. I'll pray for all of you to be victorious.
no subject
[which isn't to say that soo-won doesn't like confident people. he does! he just thinks that those who are more subtle in their ways are ones that he finds himself drawn to.]
What I hold dear...
I suppose at the moment it would only be to ensure that this situation resolves in a way where we can all return to our homes as unharmed as possible. It had been my intention from the start - and I would only worry after myself if I ever changed my mind on that matter.
no subject
She clears her throat and focuses on what he says next. ]
Very well, then! We're agreed.
[ More often than not, they seem to agree, and she takes that to heart.
She doesn't think she's unique, but she's comforted when her views align with others. ]
Although I think I'll worry about you before that.
no subject
though he seems a bit curious, if playful]
Oh? Do I come across as someone who needs to be worried over?
no subject
Why wouldn't you? Someone who'd get a splinter instead of dodge deserves a little worry.
no subject
[let him live!!]
no subject
[ She says that very plainly. She doesn't actually doubt Soo-won's capabilities, but it's a little funny?
She was very sorry at the time, but enough time has passed that hindsight is good for gentle teasing. ]
And now I must worry about you running through a forest.
no subject
[is she still teasing him
is she worried he's gonna trip on a root
yet even though his expression seems gently tired, it seems like he knows the teasing is all in good fun]
no subject
[ She smiles and, after a beat, decides to be kind. ]
I know you'd be fine. Bad luck happens to all of us.
no subject
So it does.
I'd rather that it hit me than you at any moment, I suppose.
no subject
She frowns because it's not like it's something she wouldn't say herself. ]
You needn't worry. It's difficult for anything like that to stick to me, so please work on avoiding bad luck yourself.
[ As if that's something that can be done somehow. ]
no subject
But I wouldn't be too worried. I've been called rather resilient at times, you know?
[sure]
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