he pauses, and wonders if that's right to claim. because there are others who are far more lost without il. yona, of course. hak. people that soo-won loves, that he hurt. that he made a choice to hurt.
but he hears jeanne's question and offers a soft smile - ]
You may. Thank you for asking. It's been a while since someone's truly called me only Soo-won... so it's nice.
[only hak and yona. to joo-doh and kye-sook, he's currently Your Majesty and before that he was Lord Soo-won.
it's nice - to just be soo-won.]
... if there's more to tell, would you be willing to share it? I'm still listening.
[ She doesn't doubt that his choices have hurts others and she won't glaze over it, but she wants to acknowledge his struggles, too. After all, didn't he say that they were the type to put aside their personal considerations?
It's easier to acknowledge for someone else than it is for yourself. ]
My personal history isn't something that I care to keep under lock, but what I am now should be. What I am now... is something a little more than my past. I lost my life, but here, I am alive.
I am no longer human. I am what mages in my world call a Heroic Spirit, a Servant summoned and given a second life. Ruler is the class of Servant I am, and Servants are called by their class names to obfuscate their identities.
Jeanne is a common enough name. If you were from my world and you knew my full name, my True Name, you would be able to research my history. You would know what could be my strengths or weaknesses.
[ That would be more true if she were a typical Servant, but she isn't. ]
What I was called to do and what I'm and adjudicator for is a war in which the winner is granted a wish. There was something wrong with my summoning, and I had to possess a human.
[ Her incomplete summoning is a fact that even some of those she worked closely with before she came here don't know. ]
I did not know the true reason for why I was summoned because it's not a human that summoned me but the device that grants the wish. I know it now, and it was because a possible winner's wish would endanger humankind.
[ . . . . well then, that's considerably more out of his depth. despite this, he listens, and he holds onto her hand. he takes in her explanation of everything that she is now, and adapts what they'd talked about before into this conversation.
Ruler, with the intention to protect mankind, and intervening on a war in which the winner is granted a wish. he breathes out a quiet, gently amused breath - ]
Perhaps you were summoned to the Realm because someone here possesses a similar wish - or because our failure would result in the loss of humanity across multiple worlds.
[wouldn't that be something?
even still....]
Thank you for telling me.
Now that I have context... perhaps I might as well ask again -
Do you have a name that you prefer to be called by? Even if it's only when it is just us two.
If only that were the case, all this would be simpler.
[ It'd still be a murdergame, but at least she'd know how that particular murdergame works. ]
What I said then is still true now that you know more. I am Jeanne, and I am Ruler.
[ She could not be Ruler without being Jeanne d'Arc, and more times than not, she functions and identities as Ruler. It's the reason for her existence. However, just as he is without land, power, or command to his name here, neither does she have any of her privileges to hers.
To be Ruler is to stand alone, but this is not a Holy Grail War, and she...
She does not have the right to be selfish, but...
Her voice is soft, almost unsure, as if this isn't something she should say. ]
It would be nice to simply be Jeanne sometimes.
[ A girl from the country without the title of saint. ]
perhaps not in the same way - but for all his games and claiming the title of Won here, he knows that he cannot pull away from the fact that he is a king. and if this place would eventually take his title from his memory, he cannot pull away from the love that he has for his country that far outweighs the weight that a merchant identity can carry.
just as the blood of the crimson king runs through his veins, soo-won loves kouka.
but sometimes it is nice to know that he does not have to wear the crown at all times, and he thinks that he hears the notes of uncertainty in her voice.
he interlaces their fingers, if only to reassure her, and ducks his head closer to hers so that their foreheads nearly touch]
Then sometimes -
We will simply be Jeanne and Soo-won.
[without the weight of the world and the fates of countless beloved strangers on their shoulders]
[ It would be a disservice to them both to ignore or pretend how their decisions led to them to be where they are now—a king and a Servant. When they both have disregarded themselves as individuals and instead chose to be instruments to better their countries, when they have both chosen to move forward without looking back—
Maybe it's all right if they can just be themselves and not what they chose to be.
Maybe he can be someone else who can walk alongside her, for a time.
She curls her fingers, tightening her hold briefly. ]
That's fair.
[ It's her ruling as Jeanne and not as Ruler. She smiles up at him before she lets their foreheads touch. ]
Sometimes, we will simply be two.
[ Without all their countless titles and responsibilities, there is still love for the people. ]
it's interesting, he thinks. this is an inarguably terrible situation, one that is difficult to navigate through the horrible aspects. but at the same time -
he did not think that he would meet another who understands the way that he thinks, the way that he chooses to move forward in life. while he would not quite yet say that it is 'worth it', given the way that it inflicts pain on others in this situation
he cannot deny this one moment of appreciation, of selfish 'I am glad I got to meet you'.]
Is that something you need to thank me for?
I'm afraid it's one of the easiest tasks I've encountered since coming to this place.
[ It is because they are in such a terrible situation that meeting someone like him stands out so much more. It is because he's from another world that she can't help but be a little selfish even if she shouldn't.
There is a small fledgling hope that he won't ever see her as something that so many others do.
Her mind flashes to someone who reminded her of herself not too long ago, and she pulls away from Soo-won a little although her grip on his hand is still firm. ]
That in itself makes you wonderful. It is so easy to be expected to be a certain way, but you have listened and tried to see without any bias.
It's a little...
[ Freeing, as if she will ever be free from her history. She shakes her head. ]
I am glad you are who you are.
[ It pains her that this place could change that. ]
yet there is something in his heart that rejects it at first - he knows that jeanne means it sincerely, but some part of him wonders when it may change. to see the world without bias is something that he considers a strength, something that he admires in her as well -
but to see a world without bias means compartmentalizing. it means that loyalty is compromised when difficult decisions have to be made. it means that affection is put into question, no matter its sincerity.
even his mother eventually had qualms with the person he was - who he's always been.
but that does not reflect on his face as he only offers a soft smile]
... I wish that you did not feel this way - I wish that it was more common for you to be met for the person that you are, rather than who you're expected to be.
[he wishes that this wasn't an anomaly for her, when others get to have it as a norm]
But if this is some solace I can offer you, then I'm glad for it. Thank you for allowing me to share with you as well.
[ His wish is sweet, but the likelihood that she'd be here without those expectations, without the myriad of belief and faith heaped upon her is close to nil.
She has accepted what others believed her to be whether or not she agreed. Even if everyone betrays her in this, the only one she doesn't want to betray her is herself. ]
I am here to help people, first and foremost. However that manifests, I am willing to take it on, and I am happy you were willing to share with me.
[ He lifted a veil shrouding himself, and how meaningful that is isn't lost on her.
She shifts, moving to rise to her feet. ]
I am thankful for what we both shared, but I should look into the morale of the others.
[ She smiles her appreciation. As much as she'd like to stay and take comfort in his company, in the comfort that someone like him exists, it feels a little too selfish, a little too indulgent.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
he pauses, and wonders if that's right to claim. because there are others who are far more lost without il. yona, of course. hak. people that soo-won loves, that he hurt. that he made a choice to hurt.
but he hears jeanne's question and offers a soft smile - ]
You may. Thank you for asking. It's been a while since someone's truly called me only Soo-won... so it's nice.
[only hak and yona. to joo-doh and kye-sook, he's currently Your Majesty and before that he was Lord Soo-won.
it's nice - to just be soo-won.]
... if there's more to tell, would you be willing to share it? I'm still listening.
no subject
It's easier to acknowledge for someone else than it is for yourself. ]
My personal history isn't something that I care to keep under lock, but what I am now should be. What I am now... is something a little more than my past. I lost my life, but here, I am alive.
I am no longer human. I am what mages in my world call a Heroic Spirit, a Servant summoned and given a second life. Ruler is the class of Servant I am, and Servants are called by their class names to obfuscate their identities.
Jeanne is a common enough name. If you were from my world and you knew my full name, my True Name, you would be able to research my history. You would know what could be my strengths or weaknesses.
[ That would be more true if she were a typical Servant, but she isn't. ]
What I was called to do and what I'm and adjudicator for is a war in which the winner is granted a wish. There was something wrong with my summoning, and I had to possess a human.
[ Her incomplete summoning is a fact that even some of those she worked closely with before she came here don't know. ]
I did not know the true reason for why I was summoned because it's not a human that summoned me but the device that grants the wish. I know it now, and it was because a possible winner's wish would endanger humankind.
no subject
Ruler, with the intention to protect mankind, and intervening on a war in which the winner is granted a wish. he breathes out a quiet, gently amused breath - ]
Perhaps you were summoned to the Realm because someone here possesses a similar wish - or because our failure would result in the loss of humanity across multiple worlds.
[wouldn't that be something?
even still....]
Thank you for telling me.
Now that I have context... perhaps I might as well ask again -
Do you have a name that you prefer to be called by? Even if it's only when it is just us two.
no subject
[ It'd still be a murdergame, but at least she'd know how that particular murdergame works. ]
What I said then is still true now that you know more. I am Jeanne, and I am Ruler.
[ She could not be Ruler without being Jeanne d'Arc, and more times than not, she functions and identities as Ruler. It's the reason for her existence. However, just as he is without land, power, or command to his name here, neither does she have any of her privileges to hers.
To be Ruler is to stand alone, but this is not a Holy Grail War, and she...
She does not have the right to be selfish, but...
Her voice is soft, almost unsure, as if this isn't something she should say. ]
It would be nice to simply be Jeanne sometimes.
[ A girl from the country without the title of saint. ]
no subject
perhaps not in the same way - but for all his games and claiming the title of Won here, he knows that he cannot pull away from the fact that he is a king. and if this place would eventually take his title from his memory, he cannot pull away from the love that he has for his country that far outweighs the weight that a merchant identity can carry.
just as the blood of the crimson king runs through his veins, soo-won loves kouka.
but sometimes it is nice to know that he does not have to wear the crown at all times, and he thinks that he hears the notes of uncertainty in her voice.
he interlaces their fingers, if only to reassure her, and ducks his head closer to hers so that their foreheads nearly touch]
Then sometimes -
We will simply be Jeanne and Soo-won.
[without the weight of the world and the fates of countless beloved strangers on their shoulders]
And that will be enough for we two.
Sound fair?
no subject
Maybe it's all right if they can just be themselves and not what they chose to be.
Maybe he can be someone else who can walk alongside her, for a time.
She curls her fingers, tightening her hold briefly. ]
That's fair.
[ It's her ruling as Jeanne and not as Ruler. She smiles up at him before she lets their foreheads touch. ]
Sometimes, we will simply be two.
[ Without all their countless titles and responsibilities, there is still love for the people. ]
Thank you, Soo-Won, for accepting me as I am.
no subject
it's interesting, he thinks. this is an inarguably terrible situation, one that is difficult to navigate through the horrible aspects. but at the same time -
he did not think that he would meet another who understands the way that he thinks, the way that he chooses to move forward in life. while he would not quite yet say that it is 'worth it', given the way that it inflicts pain on others in this situation
he cannot deny this one moment of appreciation, of selfish 'I am glad I got to meet you'.]
Is that something you need to thank me for?
I'm afraid it's one of the easiest tasks I've encountered since coming to this place.
[something that he feels almost lucky for]
no subject
There is a small fledgling hope that he won't ever see her as something that so many others do.
Her mind flashes to someone who reminded her of herself not too long ago, and she pulls away from Soo-won a little although her grip on his hand is still firm. ]
That in itself makes you wonderful. It is so easy to be expected to be a certain way, but you have listened and tried to see without any bias.
It's a little...
[ Freeing, as if she will ever be free from her history. She shakes her head. ]
I am glad you are who you are.
[ It pains her that this place could change that. ]
no subject
yet there is something in his heart that rejects it at first - he knows that jeanne means it sincerely, but some part of him wonders when it may change. to see the world without bias is something that he considers a strength, something that he admires in her as well -
but to see a world without bias means compartmentalizing. it means that loyalty is compromised when difficult decisions have to be made. it means that affection is put into question, no matter its sincerity.
even his mother eventually had qualms with the person he was - who he's always been.
but that does not reflect on his face as he only offers a soft smile]
... I wish that you did not feel this way - I wish that it was more common for you to be met for the person that you are, rather than who you're expected to be.
[he wishes that this wasn't an anomaly for her, when others get to have it as a norm]
But if this is some solace I can offer you, then I'm glad for it. Thank you for allowing me to share with you as well.
no subject
She has accepted what others believed her to be whether or not she agreed. Even if everyone betrays her in this, the only one she doesn't want to betray her is herself. ]
I am here to help people, first and foremost. However that manifests, I am willing to take it on, and I am happy you were willing to share with me.
[ He lifted a veil shrouding himself, and how meaningful that is isn't lost on her.
She shifts, moving to rise to her feet. ]
I am thankful for what we both shared, but I should look into the morale of the others.
[ She smiles her appreciation. As much as she'd like to stay and take comfort in his company, in the comfort that someone like him exists, it feels a little too selfish, a little too indulgent.
She can't allow for any more. ]