At least one other - along with who will be expected to handle the splintering nova issue. I believe my team's turn might be approaching... and if it comes to pass -
I have asked my Leader to choose me to carry out the duty.
[ She nods. She accepts all that. It's more or less what she expected.
It's an answer she no more likes coming from him than she expects he liked coming from her, but she knows him well enough, for as much as he allowed. ]
Will you push me for answer, if I said I don't want to say?
[ Jeanne is capable of lying, but she has chosen not to lie to him. ]
[ . . . . . ah. he almost seems to hesitate, for just a moment.
his hand in hers squeezes once, gently.]
I would like to know, for the sake of being aware of what will happen come Friday. It is a matter of awareness, of knowing which teams will lose members, and thinking ahead of who might need comfort and reassurance before their morale breaks when I believe we are so close to the end.
[it is the surveillance of a king - over people who are not necessarily his citizens, but he has come to view them as under his care]
I will not force you to disclose, if you do not wish to say.
before he nods his head, and then gives her hand a brief squeeze.]
... I understand. [perhaps painfully so.] I will keep an eye on Rufus the day after, if I can.
[even if rufus does not so easily give up his opinions on others - he knows that the two of them tend to stick close to one another. so soo-won will try to minimize the suffering where he can, given that is one of the few things that he can do.]
.... Don't hesitate to alert me, should you need anything else.
[because he feels as though regardless of what he says or does - jeanne may very will run ahead without him on this one, and she will make choices so that only she will bear the full weight of them.
Mm. Thank you. I fear there will be no salvaging whatever is left of my relationship with him.
[ But when has her heart and feelings ever mattered when it comes to doing what's necessary? If there's a sign that it does, it's in the faintest squeeze she returns.
She smiles, and there is a light and airy quality to her soft laugh. ]
Hehe. If things don't go too awry, I doubt anyone will have to be so intense about pursuing me.
[ And perhaps that is selfish of her to do what she plans when she knows how much it must weigh on Soo-won to know.
She knows it's hurting him because for as cold as he makes himself be, he isn't.
No one cold would be so convinced they won't live happily or die peacefully.
She knows her choice is hurting him, but she has already begun to armor her heart. If there is one thing that could almost make her regret, it's that she can't give him the happiness she'd like for him to have. ]
he'd known that, because they were never meant to meet. in this unfathomable situation where the fate of the extended universe is in the balance, this is the only time that they have together. they have to make it count, in the ways that they can, while at the same time holding onto their duties that are impossible to separate from who they are.
yet as they slow in front of the store, by where a few other horses are waiting, he finds himself turning to face her. he listens to her laugh, he gazes at her smile, and he—
(knew that hope would mean nothing for someone like him, but if hope could still bring him even just this moment, maybe it was worth something after all)
—lets go of her hand, if only to let an arm curl around her, pulling her closer to him as he hides his expression by letting his face press into her hair.
[ That almost breaks her. It nearly cracks her; it's enough so she brings her arms around him in an embrace that's almost natural but shouldn't be. Her hold on him is solid, and she presses her hands against his back as if to reassure him that she's still here.
She is here. She will be here (although they don't know for how much longer). Their only time is now, and it grows shorter by the second.
Softly but with an unwavering conviction: ]
We will both be okay. Because it's you and me. Because we are Soo-won and Jeanne, and even if hurts a little now or even if it hurts a lot later, we will be okay.
[ She is under no illusion that it won't hurt.
(It already does.) ]
We will be okay, not because it's how we should be or because it's what others expect of us but because we move as if we don't know how not to and because we can't stand to see the suffering of others.
You are a king who never wanted the throne, and I am a girl who never wanted to be canonized as a saint.
But we will be okay because isn't that what makes people wonderful? We struggle, we fall, and we experience so much pain, only to rise again.
Because that is the power of the people.
[ She lets that drop like a weight and linger before she adds, even softer: ]
And we will be okay because I have never been as glad to meet someone as meeting you, Soo-won. You have given me happiness where I have never looked for it. If you can believe in nothing else, please at least believe in that.
when he thinks about it, he is not sure what he has given her. in his recollection, he can only think of moments that he's given her to be frustrated with him, moments in which she grew irate with his actions, and brief moments in which they could express their sincerity and care for one another - someone who truly understood their mindsets without even trying.
is that it?
the joy of being known, the vulnerability of being seen? without worry for rank, hierarchy, or worship. those moments when it was just they two.
was that truly enough?
(no, limited moments would never be enough - but they are not selfish enough to ask for more.)
still, he listens to her words and holds her ever so slightly closer, for a fraction of a moment, before he can truly recognize the motion for what it is - i want you with me.
but that is not something that he can ask.
in this situation, when they have too much to accomplish and more that they must do, when it comes into the realization that others need them more than they need each other—
it is only fitting now that he is the one discarded in the name of a greater ideal.]
.... I don't particularly care for saints or gods. It is difficult to believe in notions of idealism, as impressive as they may be next to words like 'justice' and 'heroism'.
[so he's not sure if he can believe in her the way that others believe in her, the way that she will surely be regarded as a savior to them all for undertaking a task that will help them. a martyr.
he pulls back just enough to sigh, a smile on his lips - faint, but... fond.]
... but I'll believe in you, as Jeanne, and the power that you hold as yourself. As a girl I'm quite fond of, and that I'm glad to have met even in this situation where the fate of the world is in the balance.
[ . . . ]
Please come back to me on Friday.
If I can ask for anything, it is only that.
[don't make their short time together any shorter.]
[ It is enough when his words make something in her chest seize and then loosen, and it is enough to make her press herself against him for the briefest second as she breathes in how their differences are enough.
(All she needed was one who won't see her as a saint.)
For her, it's enough.
So even when he holds no faith when that's all she holds, and even if he won't hope when that's all she can shoulder, she thinks it's enough.
At least, in this one small moment, it's enough when it's all they're willing to have - because stopping just for each other is not something they will choose to do when they have much more to do.
(Even if they paused for two seconds to consider that they could choose it.)
She pulls back a little, so her voice isn't muffled. ]
When was the last time I didn't answer something you asked of me?
[ Her question is almost chiding, but her words are warm with affection. ]
I promise. I swear to you - not on my name, not on my flag, not on anything else except it's because it's what I wish to do.
[ Because if she had a selfish wish, it'd be to return to him.
Because she can't promise to stay with him when the universe hangs in the balance.
Because the moments that they can simply be they two may run out by the end of the next weekend or even before.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
At least one other - along with who will be expected to handle the splintering nova issue. I believe my team's turn might be approaching... and if it comes to pass -
I have asked my Leader to choose me to carry out the duty.
[a beat.]
Who will you be targeting?
no subject
It's an answer she no more likes coming from him than she expects he liked coming from her, but she knows him well enough, for as much as he allowed. ]
Will you push me for answer, if I said I don't want to say?
[ Jeanne is capable of lying, but she has chosen not to lie to him. ]
no subject
his hand in hers squeezes once, gently.]
I would like to know, for the sake of being aware of what will happen come Friday. It is a matter of awareness, of knowing which teams will lose members, and thinking ahead of who might need comfort and reassurance before their morale breaks when I believe we are so close to the end.
[it is the surveillance of a king - over people who are not necessarily his citizens, but he has come to view them as under his care]
I will not force you to disclose, if you do not wish to say.
But I hope you will trust me with the knowledge.
no subject
She is more than capable of refusing to answer with how much she holds herself apart, with how much she still could hold herself apart.
She knows he is pragmatic when it is needed the most, and she did say she would live and die with her choices.
But if there is a flicker of something complicated, something so unerringly human that darkens her expression, it's gone in a second. ]
Fiora.
no subject
before he nods his head, and then gives her hand a brief squeeze.]
... I understand. [perhaps painfully so.] I will keep an eye on Rufus the day after, if I can.
[even if rufus does not so easily give up his opinions on others - he knows that the two of them tend to stick close to one another. so soo-won will try to minimize the suffering where he can, given that is one of the few things that he can do.]
.... Don't hesitate to alert me, should you need anything else.
[because he feels as though regardless of what he says or does - jeanne may very will run ahead without him on this one, and she will make choices so that only she will bear the full weight of them.
even still.
he wishes that she wouldn't.
(selfishly.)]
no subject
[ But when has her heart and feelings ever mattered when it comes to doing what's necessary? If there's a sign that it does, it's in the faintest squeeze she returns.
She smiles, and there is a light and airy quality to her soft laugh. ]
Hehe. If things don't go too awry, I doubt anyone will have to be so intense about pursuing me.
[ And perhaps that is selfish of her to do what she plans when she knows how much it must weigh on Soo-won to know.
She knows it's hurting him because for as cold as he makes himself be, he isn't.
No one cold would be so convinced they won't live happily or die peacefully.
She knows her choice is hurting him, but she has already begun to armor her heart. If there is one thing that could almost make her regret, it's that she can't give him the happiness she'd like for him to have. ]
no subject
he'd known that, because they were never meant to meet. in this unfathomable situation where the fate of the extended universe is in the balance, this is the only time that they have together. they have to make it count, in the ways that they can, while at the same time holding onto their duties that are impossible to separate from who they are.
yet as they slow in front of the store, by where a few other horses are waiting, he finds himself turning to face her. he listens to her laugh, he gazes at her smile, and he—
(knew that hope would mean nothing for someone like him, but if hope could still bring him even just this moment, maybe it was worth something after all)
—lets go of her hand, if only to let an arm curl around her, pulling her closer to him as he hides his expression by letting his face press into her hair.
softly, nearly achingly:]
.... tell me again.
How we will both be okay.
[give him just one thing to believe in.]
no subject
She is here. She will be here (although they don't know for how much longer). Their only time is now, and it grows shorter by the second.
Softly but with an unwavering conviction: ]
We will both be okay. Because it's you and me. Because we are Soo-won and Jeanne, and even if hurts a little now or even if it hurts a lot later, we will be okay.
[ She is under no illusion that it won't hurt.
(It already does.) ]
We will be okay, not because it's how we should be or because it's what others expect of us but because we move as if we don't know how not to and because we can't stand to see the suffering of others.
You are a king who never wanted the throne, and I am a girl who never wanted to be canonized as a saint.
But we will be okay because isn't that what makes people wonderful? We struggle, we fall, and we experience so much pain, only to rise again.
Because that is the power of the people.
[ She lets that drop like a weight and linger before she adds, even softer: ]
And we will be okay because I have never been as glad to meet someone as meeting you, Soo-won. You have given me happiness where I have never looked for it. If you can believe in nothing else, please at least believe in that.
[ Hope comes after despair. ]
no subject
when he thinks about it, he is not sure what he has given her. in his recollection, he can only think of moments that he's given her to be frustrated with him, moments in which she grew irate with his actions, and brief moments in which they could express their sincerity and care for one another - someone who truly understood their mindsets without even trying.
is that it?
the joy of being known, the vulnerability of being seen? without worry for rank, hierarchy, or worship. those moments when it was just they two.
was that truly enough?
(no, limited moments would never be enough - but they are not selfish enough to ask for more.)
still, he listens to her words and holds her ever so slightly closer, for a fraction of a moment, before he can truly recognize the motion for what it is - i want you with me.
but that is not something that he can ask.
in this situation, when they have too much to accomplish and more that they must do, when it comes into the realization that others need them more than they need each other—
it is only fitting now that he is the one discarded in the name of a greater ideal.]
.... I don't particularly care for saints or gods. It is difficult to believe in notions of idealism, as impressive as they may be next to words like 'justice' and 'heroism'.
[so he's not sure if he can believe in her the way that others believe in her, the way that she will surely be regarded as a savior to them all for undertaking a task that will help them. a martyr.
he pulls back just enough to sigh, a smile on his lips - faint, but... fond.]
... but I'll believe in you, as Jeanne, and the power that you hold as yourself. As a girl I'm quite fond of, and that I'm glad to have met even in this situation where the fate of the world is in the balance.
[ . . . ]
Please come back to me on Friday.
If I can ask for anything, it is only that.
[don't make their short time together any shorter.]
no subject
(All she needed was one who won't see her as a saint.)
For her, it's enough.
So even when he holds no faith when that's all she holds, and even if he won't hope when that's all she can shoulder, she thinks it's enough.
At least, in this one small moment, it's enough when it's all they're willing to have - because stopping just for each other is not something they will choose to do when they have much more to do.
(Even if they paused for two seconds to consider that they could choose it.)
She pulls back a little, so her voice isn't muffled. ]
When was the last time I didn't answer something you asked of me?
[ Her question is almost chiding, but her words are warm with affection. ]
I promise. I swear to you - not on my name, not on my flag, not on anything else except it's because it's what I wish to do.
[ Because if she had a selfish wish, it'd be to return to him.
Because she can't promise to stay with him when the universe hangs in the balance.
Because the moments that they can simply be they two may run out by the end of the next weekend or even before.
(Because it truly isn't enough.
But she can't admit that.) ]
I'll show you I'll come back to you.