Just - cookies will be fine. [ she says, almost distractedly. she keeps hold of his hand though. ] Nothing like a morning docket of public execution and then an afternoon brunch after.
... she's one of the most impressive people I know. While I understand why people were worried... I think that she's better equipped to recover than most others. She'll be alright.
... just know that I am not a very good person - by a common standard of good, and I do not try to make play that I am. I don't intend on harming anyone here, and I doubt that anything will move my hand to do so...
But even so, I hope that in the weeks that come, you don't mind - if I am not always a person who will choose the least disruptive option, much as I try to aim for kindness.
No - well. Yes, but not... for that reason? Though now that we know about how to harvest nova for our lost memories -- [ she stops herself, and starts over. ]
No. Okay, look, I'm gonna explain something to you and I swear to god if you tell anybody I will - well, do something rude but not fatal to you. Threatening violence seems in bad taste, actually.
Please, I'm a chef. I know like forty different ways to lay you out flat. [ just go ahead and incriminate yourself for future poison crimes why don't you ] No, uh.
[there's a bit of an amused breath at that - but he'll settle and take their joined hands closer to him, bringing up his other hand so he's holding lup's between both of his own]
I'm a pretty powerful wizard, at home. [ she starts. ] I do magic. I'm good at it. It's a long story, and I - there's pieces of it missing already, I know. Because of the static.
A lich is what happens when you take your... essence, I guess, your soul? And you combine it with your magic. And it's - powerful magic. It's wild, raw energy. It's hard to do and stay sane. You kinda... die, a little. A lot of people who try it just instantly lose their shit the second they go spooky, but.
I have an emotional anchor. I have memories that keep that energy under control. I don't know what'll happen if I lose them. That's what I mean by hypotheticals of hypotheticals - I don't know if I'm dead or not, kind of a - a Schrodinger's dead, while I'm here, without my magic.
[ . . . . huh. he listens to it, and is visibly wrestling with it, digesting the information as someone who comes from a world without magic. to have something like that...]
... mm. I understand.
And so regaining your memories, that emotional anchor, would be the most certain way to ensure that you won't lose control of yourself in entirety.
That, or - I lose those memories and I don't know who I am anymore.
It... it uh, it depends. Because I might lose my memories and just go feral, or I might lose my memories and lose - empathy, I guess, is the easiest way to put it, and pick up a knife to get that stability back.
[ he presses his forehead against hers, and despite everything, she smiles a little. ]
You're not really scared of much, huh. [ she says, quietly. ] I think this puts us on equal ground, you know? Neither of us are running from the parts that aren't so great.
[ which is weird, and new, and scary, but. she trusts him with the information because she thinks maybe he, of all people, will be able to figure out what to do if it happens. someone who can handle it. someone who isn't taako. ]
... whatever happens, whatever you may lose, I'll help you find your way back to yourself. I can promise you that much.
[because soo-won isn't a good person. he's a person who makes choices that he believes to be the best at any given moment - and sometimes those hurt.
but he cares for people. he cares for them achingly, sincerely, and lup is someone who's managed to pull that from him in an almost record amount of time. and while it occurs to him to be surprised - he won't flinch away from it.
it's as he said before - he is simply someone who wishes for her happiness. and with every piece of trust she puts in him, he'd like to try that much harder to make it worth it]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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he doesn't even really wait this time, instead just moving to take her hand]
Apricot? Do you remember your recipe, or shall we make it from scratch?
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No, thankfully I remember that much. I'm not telling you what it is, though. Family secret. [ pls ]
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though in response to her expression and trying to soothe it, his thumb will brush agains the back of her hand to try to offer small comfort]
Oh my - then I'll be sure to avert my eyes when the secrecy comes into play.
Let me know how I can help otherwise?
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Just - cookies will be fine. [ she says, almost distractedly. she keeps hold of his hand though. ] Nothing like a morning docket of public execution and then an afternoon brunch after.
How's Yona doing?
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[ . . . . ]
May I confess something to you?
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Sure. I'll even keep it to myself.
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I'm not sure if it's something that dire.
[but he'll give her hand a squeeze]
... just know that I am not a very good person - by a common standard of good, and I do not try to make play that I am. I don't intend on harming anyone here, and I doubt that anything will move my hand to do so...
But even so, I hope that in the weeks that come, you don't mind - if I am not always a person who will choose the least disruptive option, much as I try to aim for kindness.
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I mean, if you are aiming to murder someone in the upcoming weeks I'd at least appreciate a heads up.
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[no!!]
... there's simply another memory that I've lost, and it's been on my mind. I think it's an important one. Even if I can't place it...
I'd rather not run from it either.
But even without it, it's not enough to move my hand to harm anyone. I'm not sure if any of my memories are.
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You've lost more than one, huh. [ ... ] Fair enough. It's not like I'm a great person either, and I'm not always going to go for peace.
Do what you're gonna do. I'm not gonna stop you.
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but he'll nod at that, and give her hand another squeeze]
I'll do my best to protect all that I can - and of course Taako, especially. [for lup]
But we'll see what that entails in the days to come.
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Well, while we're being honest. [ she sighs. ] There's at least one memory of mine that might screw me over enough to, uh. You know. If I lose it.
I don't actually know what'll happen, I'm working in hypothetical of hypotheticals here.
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Decorate cookies and tell me that way?
[no
but he doesn't seem to look surprised, or flinch away]
... which memory? Are you worried about losing Taako?
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No - well. Yes, but not... for that reason? Though now that we know about how to harvest nova for our lost memories -- [ she stops herself, and starts over. ]
No. Okay, look, I'm gonna explain something to you and I swear to god if you tell anybody I will - well, do something rude but not fatal to you. Threatening violence seems in bad taste, actually.
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[don't just
suggest ways for her to harm you]
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Please, I'm a chef. I know like forty different ways to lay you out flat. [ just go ahead and incriminate yourself for future poison crimes why don't you ] No, uh.
Promise me. Okay? Seriously.
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I promise.
I'll keep whatever it is to myself.
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Do you know what a lich is?
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I'm afraid I don't. Tell me?
[it's alright - no matter how cold her hands are, he'll hold them]
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A lich is what happens when you take your... essence, I guess, your soul? And you combine it with your magic. And it's - powerful magic. It's wild, raw energy. It's hard to do and stay sane. You kinda... die, a little. A lot of people who try it just instantly lose their shit the second they go spooky, but.
I have an emotional anchor. I have memories that keep that energy under control. I don't know what'll happen if I lose them. That's what I mean by hypotheticals of hypotheticals - I don't know if I'm dead or not, kind of a - a Schrodinger's dead, while I'm here, without my magic.
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... mm. I understand.
And so regaining your memories, that emotional anchor, would be the most certain way to ensure that you won't lose control of yourself in entirety.
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It... it uh, it depends. Because I might lose my memories and just go feral, or I might lose my memories and lose - empathy, I guess, is the easiest way to put it, and pick up a knife to get that stability back.
I know that's a lot to take in all at once.
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[he gently squeezes her hand between both of his and bows to rest his forehead against hers for a moment]
It's not anything I'm interested in running away from. So thank you for sharing with me.
[and then he'll pull back, offering a smile]
I understand, whatever you need to do.
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You're not really scared of much, huh. [ she says, quietly. ] I think this puts us on equal ground, you know? Neither of us are running from the parts that aren't so great.
[ which is weird, and new, and scary, but. she trusts him with the information because she thinks maybe he, of all people, will be able to figure out what to do if it happens. someone who can handle it. someone who isn't taako. ]
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[and his expression softens at that]
... whatever happens, whatever you may lose, I'll help you find your way back to yourself. I can promise you that much.
[because soo-won isn't a good person. he's a person who makes choices that he believes to be the best at any given moment - and sometimes those hurt.
but he cares for people. he cares for them achingly, sincerely, and lup is someone who's managed to pull that from him in an almost record amount of time. and while it occurs to him to be surprised - he won't flinch away from it.
it's as he said before - he is simply someone who wishes for her happiness. and with every piece of trust she puts in him, he'd like to try that much harder to make it worth it]
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